Anyone else feel like they’re failing at parenting?

[Anonymous]

I feel this way sometimes. I'm doing the best I can, but I'm fighting the tide against my son's dad in a major way, and currently am dreading my son's dentist appointment this week. He has a tooth that he says chipped, but when I looked at it I can see decay. I'm SO ANGRY because I try so hard to instill good habits, and have him eat very little sugar (most kids its not an issue, my kid has major dental issues that aren't anyone's fault and needs to be really careful), but he just got back from his dad's house where dad lets him eat anything and everything. Of course I'll be the one holding his hand when the cavity/crown get dealt with, and I'm just so tired of always being by the dentist for not being more careful about what my kid eats.

[Anonymous]

Re: biking..my six year old was very nervous about riding a two wheeler and then I found a video on YouTube about teaching a child to ride a bike. Within a few days he was doing great. The first step was not pedaling but just learning to balance while coasting and then braking. Once he built up some confidence he started pedaling and now he is off to the races.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:oh wait, me too! DS, 5, (currently featured in the "i am not happy to see you Mama" thread), generally refuses to use manners, beats the living sh*t out of his brother, father and me and currently has a rare bacterial skin infection from swimming in tainted water that will take 4 months of treatment with dual antibiotics to complete.

Other kid is much sweeter, but that's in jeopardy because his mentor/idol is his big brother. Separately, He won't put his face in the water to try to swim, and also won't spend the night in his own bed -- literally ever -- and is 3.5 y/o. Also yesterday he unveiled a hidden bag of peanut butter cups (no clue on origin) that was stored under his dresser for god knows how long and DH and I had no clue even existed. #winning.

This made me chuckle. Not in a mean way, but in a "I totally get what you are saying" way. We are all (at least the honest ones) struggling with some part of parenting.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I presume all of us feel like we are failing here and there. Bad days, or ill days, or calls from the school days... We just all have to keep at it, that is what makes us succeed at parenting. Not so much counting the bad and the failures, but trying and trying and never giving up trying. If you never give up on your kid, that is the definition of a good parent. And realizing that sometimes even our best tries might not be good enough for challenging kids.

[Anonymous]

I fail my teens daily. But they are still alive and sort of speaking to me, so #winning or something.

[Anonymous]

OP, my kid is 17, and I still feel like this sometimes. He's doing just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Objectively I know I’m not. I tend to be a glass half empty type of person and I’m working on that in therapy. My kid (8) is generally great, but I keep focusing on what I could have done better. He’s not great at using manners consistently, he doesn’t know how to swim well enough to pass the swim test yet or ride a 2 wheel bike. I know as a parent I should have pushed those things harder (swim & bike—we model and discuss using manners a lot), but there are just some things that have to be lower on the priority totem pole given time and resources.

Today is a beautiful day but DS doesn’t want to go to the pool because all of his friends have their swim bands and he doesn’t and he doesn’t want to practice in front of them understandably. We’ve had a private swim instructor lined up but she’s been unreliable and it’s been tough to find someone else at this point in the summer. We’ve just totally failed on the bike thing though, and DS hasn’t pushed it because it’s hard for him. We need to get him to do things that are hard for him and learn to overcome difficulties. I just don’t want him to feel left out or left behind due to us not pushing him to learn to do these things.

I’m probably just in a mood, but I feel like others around me have this parenting thing down better than I (we) do. I’m sure that everyone probably feels that way occasionally but I feel it pretty often. I just don’t want to mess it up, especially since we only have one.

You are coddling your boy, you know. This is very dangerous.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Just came back to say that DS took his swim test yesterday and passed! Phew, I can cross that off the list of things I beat myself up about!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From the mom of adult kids - the very fact that you pose the question tells me you are probably a very good mom. You will make mistakes along the way. Some of them very small. Some might be really big. The swimming band thing? Ask yourself if it will even matter in a year. He will learn to ride a bike when he is ready. Trust that your child is unique. You parent the kid you get, not the one you thought you would get. He is his own person with his own strengths and weaknesses. You are there to love him unconditionally.

Also, most eight year olds are inconsistent with manners. He’ll get there. You’re doing great!

Mid teen age kids. I agree with this to the degree I can with kids around my guys’ ages.
Hoping things continue in a decent healthy trend....
Doing my best and questioning every day.

[Anonymous]

Everyday!