Deciding on second and scared of something going wrong

[Anonymous]

Our second kid was even easier than our first. Less crying, more sleeping, etc. But, we were ready and excited to accept whoever showed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again, I never meant to say any of these things you’re talking about. I realize that raising kids and then adults with SN is costly, emotional, likely extremely anxiety ridden, draining, and stressful. That’s what I meant by the ruined comment, we barely keep it together now as parents. My comments are about how I don’t think I’ll be strong enough like these other two friends. I know you’d love your child forever and always but I am anxious about implications for the whole family. Anyway...was just wondering about something I know we can’t control and how others overcame those thoughts.

I overcame those those thoughts by being fully aware that shit can go wrong at any point. Kids who are 100% healthy at birth can develop all sorts of issues later in life. Kids get cancer. Kids get diagnosed with rare genetic issues. Kids die in accidents. Shit happens. There are no guarantees in life for us or our kids and, no matter, what you get through it. If your kids were diagnoses with cancer tomorrow you figure out a way to deal with it and to "have the strength." Not having more kids doesn't protect you from things going wrong.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, our first kid was sweet and well-behaved, and I had the same concerns. #2 was a much more difficult baby and so it was a struggle at times, but he has brought so much joy to our family. Now as a 1 yo, he is super easygoing, independent, and the "perfect" kid in his own way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again, I never meant to say any of these things you’re talking about. I realize that raising kids and then adults with SN is costly, emotional, likely extremely anxiety ridden, draining, and stressful. That’s what I meant by the ruined comment, we barely keep it together now as parents. My comments are about how I don’t think I’ll be strong enough like these other two friends. I know you’d love your child forever and always but I am anxious about implications for the whole family. Anyway...was just wondering about something I know we can’t control and how others overcame those thoughts.

I overcame those those thoughts by being fully aware that shit can go wrong at any point. Kids who are 100% healthy at birth can develop all sorts of issues later in life. Kids get cancer. Kids get diagnosed with rare genetic issues. Kids die in accidents. Shit happens. There are no guarantees in life for us or our kids and, no matter, what you get through it. If your kids were diagnoses with cancer tomorrow you figure out a way to deal with it and to "have the strength." Not having more kids doesn't protect you from things going wrong.

+1

Every parent who has a child with special needs or has a sick hates the “how do you it?” And “I could never do it”. You just do it.

[Anonymous]

Nothing is guaranteed. What if you have a child without any issues at birth but then grow up with horrible mental health and substance abuse problems? You never know. I'd much rather have a kid with Down Syndrome than many of the alternatives.

[Anonymous]

I had similar concerns— but just rolled the dice and now have a perfectly healthy 1yo. I’ve also had intrusive thoughts, but I’ve been able to recognize them and realize that I can overcome them, which has been helpful

[Anonymous]

I had a lot of fear after my first was born. It’s always worth it

[Anonymous]

OP here thank you all for sharing