What is funniest thing you ever saw on a college tour?

[Anonymous]

Small college, and a small tour. Just 2 kids and 2 parents. The other parent left the tour to take a phone call, and his kid immediately started asking all these very specific questions about underage drinking and drug use. Like "So, if you're caught with alcohol by the R.A., do they call the campus police or the regular police? and can the campus police arrest you or just put you on probation? And do they notify your parents? How? In writing? OK, same questions, but cocaine, does that change things? What's the mandatory sentence in this state for cocaine? Is it different if you're on a college campus?" The poor tour guide just kept saying "You know I don't know, I bet there are websites with that kind of information, anyway, did I mention that the printing is free here? That's right you can print up to 100 pages a year! Totally free! And I don't even think that's a real limit, because I'm pretty sure my roommate printed like 107 pages and they didn't charge her."

As a side note, I swear every tour we went on included two things. One was a comment about how the printing was free, like we are supposed to make our decision based on $5.00 worth of printing costs. The other was they'd stop at one of those blue lights and tell some totally contrived story about how they come really quickly, but the tour guide only knows this because once there was this freshman who was on her way back from the library (always the library, freshmen never leave their dorm rooms for other reasons, apparently) and saw a deer (or other non scary thing) and panicked and the police came so fast!!! They all think they've found this clever way to reassure parents about crime without giving any hint that crime is actually a possibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Small college, and a small tour. Just 2 kids and 2 parents. The other parent left the tour to take a phone call, and his kid immediately started asking all these very specific questions about underage drinking and drug use. Like "So, if you're caught with alcohol by the R.A., do they call the campus police or the regular police? and can the campus police arrest you or just put you on probation? And do they notify your parents? How? In writing? OK, same questions, but cocaine, does that change things? What's the mandatory sentence in this state for cocaine? Is it different if you're on a college campus?" The poor tour guide just kept saying "You know I don't know, I bet there are websites with that kind of information, anyway, did I mention that the printing is free here? That's right you can print up to 100 pages a year! Totally free! And I don't even think that's a real limit, because I'm pretty sure my roommate printed like 107 pages and they didn't charge her."

As a side note, I swear every tour we went on included two things. One was a comment about how the printing was free, like we are supposed to make our decision based on $5.00 worth of printing costs. The other was they'd stop at one of those blue lights and tell some totally contrived story about how they come really quickly, but the tour guide only knows this because once there was this freshman who was on her way back from the library (always the library, freshmen never leave their dorm rooms for other reasons, apparently) and saw a deer (or other non scary thing) and panicked and the police came so fast!!! They all think they've found this clever way to reassure parents about crime without giving any hint that crime is actually a possibility.

Interesting. We toured Wellesley and Mount Holyoke and they both told is to be very skeptical of the crime statistics provided by schools. The Mount Holyoke tour guide told us their chief of police is a woman and gives self defense classes. Very different approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think some of the very hyped up, ultra exuberance from the college guides. It was funny, cute, a little embarrassing and all in good fun at the same time. They definitely made the visits memorable.

For me it was the guide at CU Boulder who was the polar opposite of that. Her pitch largely centered around opportunities to go to "Buffs" games and tailgate, and she was pretty obviously hung over. Pretty funny in hindsight, though we were not amused at the time. Even DD, who did her share of partying in HS, was turned off by the experience and chose to apply elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

We went on a tour at Amherst and there was just piles of open beer cans and pizza boxes along the outdoor walkways. It was a Sunday 12pm tour. The tour guide said. “No worries. Sometimes UMass students come over to visit, but thankfully they don’t stay long.

Yuck. My daughter was so turned off at the elitist and entitlement of that school.

[Anonymous]

I WAS a college guide and we got golf carts to whisk prospective students and parents around campus - so neat! so cool! Until I accidentally threw it in reverse and backed into the library wall. They still have an award each year at the ambassador's dinner in my honor

[Anonymous]

We also used to joke about how EVERY guide’s answer to the crime question was “we have this great blue light system around campus.”

Of course that is not responsive to whether they have many crimes on campus, plus it only kicks in after the fact.

Yet, they must all be trained to use that diversion!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When the tour guide asked us to state our preferred pronouns along with our names

really? Where was this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:not funny, but sad. JMU, walking around before the tour. We are walking around, and two students are working on a problem saying how hard it is. DD looks at the screen, and says "here id how you do it," and shows them what to do. DD was a HS junior. She will not be going to JMU.

what is truly sad, is what a boastful snob you are.

I bet you liked the room with condoms post.

[Anonymous]

about 10 years ago when a mom asked about the social life for LGBTQ and I was clueless and had to go home and look the acronym up

[Anonymous]

NP. I've seen every one of these (except for the dad who called out the girl on the walk of shame - what an ass), and I agree that there's nothing really funny here.

In a twist on one of the first posts, I saw a young woman walk out of the residence hall bathroom with nothing but a towel and wet hair. She looked a little surprised, and then just proceeded to walk through the forty or fifty of us to get to her room. I didn't think it was funny as much as I admired her poise and self-confidence! That's a remarkable young woman to be so unswayed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. I've seen every one of these (except for the dad who called out the girl on the walk of shame - what an ass), and I agree that there's nothing really funny here.

You must have a very narrow definition of what constitutes funny.

Many of these posts are describing ironies, which is a humor of its own. And I look forward to hoping to read more stories.

[Anonymous]

Late 80's story: I was giving a campus tour at my tiny LAC on a Saturday morning. We stopped at a men's dorm and I knocked on my friend's door so that we could see his room. His girlfriend opens the door in her underwear and tshirt and says "Oh. Hi. Mike's not here. He had a cross country meet this morning." Okay, no problem. I knock on another friend's door and HIS girlfriend opens the door in her pajamas and says that he's not there, he went to work. Okay, awkward. I bravely knock on the RA's door and HIS girlfriend answers the door in a towel. At that point one of the parents at the back of the crowd yells "Are you SURE this is a men's dorm?" while her kid mutters under his breath "I want to live here."

[Anonymous]

I was on a tour at UPITT and a couple with their son who were obviously from some strange county very foreign as could not identify the language at all and the clothes I have never seen before. Kinda like the character Latka Gravas on Taxi played by Andy Kaufman.

Well they had a small buffet table set up and the couple and son was first in line. They took the knives and forks and the three of them ate right out of buffet like it was family style. Everyone went to other table, and they ate for a good ten minutes like it was perfectly normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Late 80's story: I was giving a campus tour at my tiny LAC on a Saturday morning. We stopped at a men's dorm and I knocked on my friend's door so that we could see his room. His girlfriend opens the door in her underwear and tshirt and says "Oh. Hi. Mike's not here. He had a cross country meet this morning." Okay, no problem. I knock on another friend's door and HIS girlfriend opens the door in her pajamas and says that he's not there, he went to work. Okay, awkward. I bravely knock on the RA's door and HIS girlfriend answers the door in a towel. At that point one of the parents at the back of the crowd yells "Are you SURE this is a men's dorm?" while her kid mutters under his breath "I want to live here."

TMI but I laughed so hard at your post that I peed. Very funny!

[Anonymous]

We were on tour at Tulane and it seemed like every single person on campus knew are tour guide. It was his birthday so he was getting happy birthday wishes the entire time.