Working parent fail — can anyone relate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is weird but I feel like based on a post in another group I know who you are (but don’t actually know you). You seem like an awesome person and I’m sure a great role model for your kids. My mom traveled a lot my whole childhood, days at a time, and my brother and I were used to it and were totally fine with it as it was the norm.

Hmm, I don't think I posted about this stuff on any other groups . . . but I like the thought that another mom is out there living a parallel life! Is it a FB group? I love a good supportive working parents chat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is weird but I feel like based on a post in another group I know who you are (but don’t actually know you). You seem like an awesome person and I’m sure a great role model for your kids. My mom traveled a lot my whole childhood, days at a time, and my brother and I were used to it and were totally fine with it as it was the norm.

Hmm, I don't think I posted about this stuff on any other groups . . . but I like the thought that another mom is out there living a parallel life! Is it a FB group? I love a good supportive working parents chat.

Yes! Almost the same story. Youngest hospitalized. Travels a lot for work, gives talks. Well, I'm sure you're great too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh I had a work from home day where my kid talked during the quick second where I was un muted. Of course you are not allowed to have kids at home when working.

I was also the only mother who didn’t show up at the Mother’s day celebration at school (I didn’t realize it was an elaborate thing) so I didn’t take off. My husband told me about how nice it was like 4 times.

Nope, you weren’t the only one because I wasn’t there either. I did make it there for the early Father’s Day celebration in April though, filling in for DH who couldn’t make it. I definitely wasn’t the only mom there that day, but I bet very few of the dad’s who missed it are still beating themselves up about it like we are.

NP.
It may have occurred to me as a single mom to show up to my Kindergartener's Father's Day classroom event, and be there for her, IF the room parent hadn't tactfully kept me off the destribution email for that particular event. Weeks earlier I was tbere for her mother's day event and cried a tiny bit, but this was her turn to cry, all alone surrounded by classmates and their daddies. She missed her deadbeat gone dad SO MUCH that day and the week after. He isn't beating himself for anything.

[Anonymous]

My mother and I were never close. She was so busy chasing her career that she didn't have time for me. There were dozens of events where I won an award or was asked to speak or perform. Neither of my parents ever came. For a while I believed that both of them were busy with work. It wasn't until middle school that I started to doubt my mother actually cared. She would say she was proud of me, but that was it. Nothing on the fridge. No celebratory dinner or ice cream. Just "good job" spouted a million different ways. My father on the other hand...I didn't live with him, but I swear he acted like I won a Nobel Prize every single time I was on stage for something. He didn't come either, but he'd call. Better yet, I'd meet someone he only knew in passing like a security guard at his job. They'd say "Oh, I heard about your report card! Great job!" I felt like he cared even though between the two of them my mother probably had a lot more on her plate as a parent.

So the only advice I have is to make sure your child knows you care. It's okay if you can't make it to things as long as they know why and they sincerely feel like you're proud and supportive of them. I'm a teacher. I can't go to half of the stuff my daughter has because I'm busy watching other people's kids. But I shower her with so much excitement when I pick her up. You're not failing as long as the love doesn't change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother and I were never close. She was so busy chasing her career that she didn't have time for me. There were dozens of events where I won an award or was asked to speak or perform. Neither of my parents ever came. For a while I believed that both of them were busy with work. It wasn't until middle school that I started to doubt my mother actually cared. She would say she was proud of me, but that was it. Nothing on the fridge. No celebratory dinner or ice cream. Just "good job" spouted a million different ways. My father on the other hand...I didn't live with him, but I swear he acted like I won a Nobel Prize every single time I was on stage for something. He didn't come either, but he'd call. Better yet, I'd meet someone he only knew in passing like a security guard at his job. They'd say "Oh, I heard about your report card! Great job!" I felt like he cared even though between the two of them my mother probably had a lot more on her plate as a parent.

So the only advice I have is to make sure your child knows you care. It's okay if you can't make it to things as long as they know why and they sincerely feel like you're proud and supportive of them. I'm a teacher. I can't go to half of the stuff my daughter has because I'm busy watching other people's kids. But I shower her with so much excitement when I pick her up. You're not failing as long as the love doesn't change.

Ok, thanks, that is helpful. We attend almost everything and when we don’t we celebrate. I also had parents who hardly verbalized their pride and support so I’m very conscious of trying to say it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is deployed and I could not get to my son’s preK graduation. His former nanny (now a close family friend) was there and made it a big deal for my son. So everything was fine... except two days later, three mothers made it a point to tell me how wonderful our former nanny was and how great it is that my son has “someone he can rely on”. Talk about a knife in my heart.

Ugh what a dreadful thing to say to you. Probably didn’t come out how they meant, but still!

That's totally how they meant it. I would have just rolled my eyes at them or if particularly inspired, told them to stuff it.

They may have meant it! My husband just got home from a 9-month deployment and I couldn't have done it without my wonderful nanny. I'm so happy that my kids had another adult in their lives while he was gone and I'm not sure I could have made it without her to rely on. If the 3 moms were serious, I'd agree with them and be thankful for the nanny. If they were being catty, I'd still be grateful for the nanny but I'd try to throw in something about DH serving his country to shut them up

[Anonymous]

Oh yes, years ago I was on the west coast in the middle of the winter and my husband called to say he had fired our recently hired by me live in nanny. When he got home that evening he went up to see our baby in her room. When he got there her window was wide open (it was below freezing outside) and she was in her sleepy without a diaper and soaked in urine. I immediately called a neighbor because I was worried he was going to kill the nanny. I was up most of the night crying and trying to get on the first flight home. When I arrived home the nanny was gone, all three children were fine and my husband was very calm or well medicated.