Only child is lonely

[Anonymous]

I've got a house full of kids. One of them still constantly wants to have play dates, etc. Never satisfied with the amount of interaction he gets with friends. Its his personality - not the amount of siblings he has. Don't feel bad OP. And definitely don't move to accommodate it.

[Anonymous]

All of the moms of onlies might appreciate this (from 'What the Family'):

https://www.facebook.com/WTFamily/videos/716582815443222/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I saw one person posted about sleep away summer camp and I feel like this could be so great for your kid. I was an extroverted kid and I LOVED sleep away camp. My sister went for 6 weeks when she was older. It gives a really wonderful sense of community and the interaction is constant, so for summer time, maybe next year (if it feels too late this year) you could find one that could be a good fit long term that he could keep going to year after year and increase the amount of weeks over time (not implying you were trying to get him away from home, just think he'd have fun!). Someone posted about the Burgandy Center for Wildlife studies camp in another thread the other day and I wrote it down as it sounded like a great place.

Also any interest in swimming? Are you a member of a community pool? That can be great for just letting kids loose and them being able to run around ALL DAY with pool friends.

I'm sorry OP, I imagine this has to be really hard emotionally, but do know that like others have said a sibling doesn't guarantee a playmate. It sounds like you're providing a wonderful childhood for your son and kids will always "want" for something that they see others have.

+1
Camp was excellent for my very social daughter. She has such fond memories of it & I only wish I could have afforded longer stays for her.

[Anonymous]

Sign him up for camp!

Do you have a neighborhood pool? If so, that’s the perfect place to get a lot of socializing.

I wouldn’t move because of this. Try to set up standing play dates with friends so you know every Wednesday Larlo comes over, etc. if he’s 9 in a few years he’ll be fully engaging and planning his social life. I wouldn’t move just to (maybe) make a few years of my kids life a little more social. Nope. No way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, maybe take a bit of solace in this. I've got two kids, 7 and 9. One is an introvert and one is an extrovert. I'm not going to deny that they are good playmates for each other, because they are. But the introvert needs a lot of time to himself and it drives the extrovert CRAZY. She has a built in playmate who won't play with her half the time because he wants to read or listen to music or whatever else BY HIMSELF. It sounds like you are doing a great job of giving her lots of social opportunities. Recognize you are doing your best and give yourself a break.

This is my family too.

Adding in camps, sports, and activities with like-minded boys helps a lot. DH was adamant about having a summer where the boys could be free of time tables and having to be somewhere. He want the boys to just be boys. We did this last year. DH stayed home with the boys, ages 6 and 10. By the second week, DH wasn't sure that they would make it through the summer. The boys were starting to get on each other's nerves and DH's. Didn't help that DH hates to drive and that the boy's personalities are a 180 from each other. We are doing some camps this summer.

[Anonymous]

Seriously consider moving neighborhoods. I was in your situation a couple of years ago. We moved into a neighborhood with a ton of elderly neighbors and high school aged kids. There were literally no neighborhood kids around. I started asking every parent I knew how many kids were in their neighborhoods. It sounds stalker-like but I actually printed out maps of neighborhoods and colored dots on it where classmates lived and where his teammates lived whose parents told me their neighborhoods were full of elementary aged kids. We then drove around on weekends. We moved when my son was 9 to a neighborhood several of his classmate live in.

It has been fantastic for my only child. Kids are constantly knocking on our door. I love it so much I stocked my fridge and cabinets with snacks. I am the mom going out and offering the kids lemonade and cookies after they have scootered, played pick up basketball, hide n go seek, etc. I never say no to kids coming to our door at any hour wanting to play with my kid, because he is now so happy.

[Anonymous]

My 9yr old is bugging the crap out of me right now. He constantly wants to be entertained. His 13yr old brother wants nothing to do with him.

[Anonymous]

OP, there are 8 years between my kids and my oldest is such an extrovert. I had kids in my house nonstop all weekend and most evenings after school. He's always been in camps all summer and playing 2 sports. Schedule as many play dates as possible.

[Anonymous]

I was also going to suggest to consider a new hood. Not the one you hate with the cousins-/but could you do a more family friendly neighborhood where some of his friends are?

Our super social only child (9) runs with the other neighborhood kids pretty much from 3 pm til bedtime. We also take big group vacations with neighbors. (He’ll actually need time away from the chaos then.) But he still complains about not having siblings. And I still feel guilty. But it may just be his burden to bear.

[Anonymous]

OP, I see all these people suggesting moving, but I think that's a bit out there unless you want to move for other reasons too.

I have an extroverted only and it can be exhausting, but we do what we can. We have kids in the neighborhood, and some are her friends but most aren't (they're either older or younger).

We also have family out of town and have thought about moving (because she would be closer to cousins), but finding jobs has proven difficult. Some jobs are there but they don't pay anything like what we get here. So for now, we're staying put.

We do what some others do - sked playdates and she's active in soccer, swim, gymnastics, Scouts, GOTR and a dance group. Not all at once. She also goes to camp in the summer and has friends from all these activities.

[Anonymous]

I agree that siblings don't solve the problem - another family with an extrovert and introvert. My oldest could be socializing 24/7. My younger will play with her to an extent and then she wants to putter and do her own creative imagination stuff by herself - and it drives older one bananas.

Things I feel like have worked really really well with older
1) Picking or two VERY busy activities - each one requires two practices a week and one game each
2) Summer camp - day camp and overnight camp
3) Family vacations where wee do spend a lot of time together - seems to feed her soul a bit - and I work hard to find ways to ensure my younger also gets her needs met. So we do one beach vacation where we are all in the same house together 24/7 and then we'll do another vacation where we break off into different activties
4) Volunteer - always good for perspective (and I am not a virtue signaler or trying to appear holier than thou) but you might find a program that helps your kid bond with another child. Best buddies or I know there is also one for autism.

[Anonymous]

I have a 5 year old only who also needs constant entertainment and socializing. She needs constant activity and wants every minute of her day filled with organized activity, playdates, or socializing. She won't play by herself for any significant length of time and it's tiring keeping her entertained. She gets moody and pouty when told to play by herself for awhile. We don't really have any kids in the neighborhood so that's a big issue, so every playdate has to be formally set up. There were young kids when we moved into the neighborhood but they're all high school age now, and there are mainly empty nesters. We also have no local family, so no cousins to visit. Also my husband works a lot of weekends, so weekends can be challenging.

Here's what has worked for us:

1) Four busy and energetic activities (sports) every weekend, two each weekend morning. That way if we have no other plans for the weekend with others, at least she's got her weekend mornings filled, and the rest of the weekend is either play outside in the backyard, go to a festival/event, errands, or lunch/dinner out. After soccer and gymnastics class on Saturdays, she's not in the least bit tired and still wants to spend the rest of the day in playdates or other organized social activities--i.e. quiet time is not her thing.

2) Summer day camp all summer including aftercare. Then she still wants to socialize after that so we do playdates or pool time after camp.

3) After school classes after school all year round--so 2-3 times a week she will have swim class or art class after school so she can socialize more

4) At least one playdate every weekend, that I usually am the one to organize.

5) Entertaining other families in groups at our house at least once a month (for dinner plus playdate, family game night, BBQ, etc.) So I will invite 3-4 families over plus kids, and the kids play while the adults socialize. I usually make dinner for this and let the kids play in the basement or backyard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put him in lots of fun activities including sleep away summer camp.

Definitely. There are tons of summer camps of various activity levels and prices. A good one will wear your kid out in the best way. And definitely sleepaway when he is old enough (that may be younger than when you think he is ready).

[Anonymous]

What helped us was finding another like-minded family with an only. The two were like siblings in some ways, like comfort with the other parents, ability to do weeknight sleepovers in emergency situations. The two drifted in high school but are still friends (family friends, like cousins, rather than because they have things in common).

[Anonymous]

Your post reminded me of this:

https://fox8.com/2019/05/08/florida-boy-calls-911-because-he-was-lonely-officer-agrees-to-be-his-friend/