Anyone have a kid for whom soccer clicks later?

[Anonymous]

You, not your child.

[Anonymous]

PP, thanks for your time thoughtful post. I had not connected this to lack of confidence or a fear of making mistakes. DS is confident in other areas of his life, but not so much in soccer. Until this season we’ve mostly had parent coaches that focused on the strongest players.p and kindness of ignored the other players. I think he has it in his head that he’s not as strong as other kids. He is kind of perfectionistic and sensitive to other kids blaming him for mistakes. So maybe an abundance of caution is making him slow down during games.

Any ideas on how to help him with confidence on the field?



As others have said, just encourage his love for the game and find places for him to have fun playing. Some players hold back against bigger kids, kids they perceive as better, or even because they are thinking too hard about what to do. That's why emphasis on winning at this age is insane.

Does your son love soccer? Do some summer camps. My son who would shut down during games was a force at soccer camps. The same is true for group training away from the team. You know why he was so much better there? Because camps were fun for him and playing not to lose in games was not. My kid also lacks a bit of natural aggression, but over the years, we have often seen his perception of the game reflected in his play. If he thinks the other team is bad, he can do anything he wants with the ball and dominates. If the other team is huge, he might be a bit more tentative. When he thinks he has nothing to lose, like if he is playing with older kids or with a team he doesn't know, he is free and confident. When he is worried about displeasing his coach, it shows on the field. As a teen, we still struggle with these issues, but DS has made great strides in terms of appearing aggressive on the field more often.

Ball skills and love for the sport - that's what it is all about in this age. That, plus encouragement to try moves and make mistakes just because it is fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:your kid is 8 relax, and you are worried bout how he handles pressure in a game? I wonder where is is feeling the most pressure from.

Well, we’ve been told he has to move into travel in the next two years. He’s nowhere close to travel level in game play.

We don’t pressure him at all, but as a former player myself I,m puzzled by the fact that skills that are there in practice - ball handling, dribbling, strong passing, powerful kicks - all disappear during games. It’s like he’s two different players. I don’t see other kids with such a big difference between practices and games. That’s why I’m asking.

Personally I think soccer has gotten way too competitive. When I was a kid there was no such thing as travel soccer.

Travel didnt exist back when? AYSO was established in 1964. I played travel on the east coast in the early 80s. Way older kids than me played travel and it was expensive back then too with trips out of state and country.

It was very much established in the 80s here in the DMV too. We traveled to Canada for Regionals and there was State Cup and at least 4-5 out of state tournaments per year. Our Club still in existence today started in 1974. Many woman National team players and a few Men were products of this area way back then. The most famous being, Mia Hamm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's worrying at age 8 about what he'll be doing FIVE YEARS INTO THE FUTURE and you are feeding that worry but trying to get him optimal training so he can get on the high school team?

I wouldn’t say he was worried. That’s you. Nor was I asking about any sort of optimal training. That’s all you.

Me, I was just wondering why there’s a big difference between his skills in practice and what shows up during games.

I would say that he has long-term goals and that we will support him as long as they remain his goals. He rarely changes his mind. I wish he would because there’s a lot about the soccer scene I don’t like.

No, OP. You came back to say you want him to go to travel in a few years but he doesn't seem ready. You should know that's really weird.

No, PP. I said we had been told he should go travel, and that he was not playing at that level. I said he had great skills that weren’t showing up in games and that he wasn’t ready for travel. You should learn to read better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a question we continue to ponder with our youngest, who is 10. Our older three range from pretty good to outstanding as travel soccer players, and they all took to the game immediately and were strong, aggressive, confident players. My eldest was hindered some by our lack of knowledge of the sport at the time. We didn't get her good skills training until she was 11 or 12, and she also was never particularly fast, which is a big disadvantage.

Having learned our lesson, we started the youngest on skills when he was 6 or 7 and figured he'd quickly become a good player since he was very fast, pretty coordinated, and stronger than the average kid. But his first couple of years were kind of painful to watch. At first it was as if he wanted to avoid touching the ball in games, then he progressed to the point where he was involved in the games, but constantly deferred to other players. Last year he started to seem focused and effective on the field about half the time, and he was frequently quite good during those games while being a nonentity in the others. This year he makes at least some great plays in every game, and occasionally plays very well for the entirety of a game. He is very good at passing and seems to see the game well. But his coach still tells him that he's sometimes the worst player on the field and sometimes the best, and 100% of the difference is where his head is at.

It seems to us that everything is starting to click for him, but we still don't understand what causes the lack of focus that keeps him from being locked in all game long. He doesn't show any signs of ADHD off the field, and he absolutely loves the sport, practices, and games. He's not particularly anxious or too much of a perfectionist. We think part of it is he's just not particularly aggressive or competitive by nature, so he's not driven by the desire to win that motivated our other kids and a lot of his teammates. Or it may just be a maturity issue. As long as he continues to love it, we will support him and continue to try our hardest not to get frustrated when he seems to lose the plot. It's hard though!

Thanks, PP. Helpful to know that other parents are seeing similar things in their kids.Our son defers to those he considers stronger players, but I think that’s what bad parent coaching taught him to do. We have a great coach this season, but it’s our first in a while.

DS wants to stick with soccer, so we will support him as best we can. I guess it will click someday or he’ll eventually focus on other sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's worrying at age 8 about what he'll be doing FIVE YEARS INTO THE FUTURE and you are feeding that worry but trying to get him optimal training so he can get on the high school team?

I wouldn’t say he was worried. That’s you. Nor was I asking about any sort of optimal training. That’s all you.

Me, I was just wondering why there’s a big difference between his skills in practice and what shows up during games.

I would say that he has long-term goals and that we will support him as long as they remain his goals. He rarely changes his mind. I wish he would because there’s a lot about the soccer scene I don’t like.

No, OP. You came back to say you want him to go to travel in a few years but he doesn't seem ready. You should know that's really weird.

No, PP. I said we had been told he should go travel, and that he was not playing at that level. I said he had great skills that weren’t showing up in games and that he wasn’t ready for travel. You should learn to read better.

Oh, OP. You really need a life. You sound really wound up. You need to stop insulting people who give you advice that you don't like. You're not going to like this either but you seem really calculating and stressed out. This is what you wrote

"OP. DS is in a K-12 private. Only the best players get to play on the JV and Varsity teams. His ambitions may change but right no worries he wants to play on the school team. It seems only the travel players make even the JV team."

[Anonymous]

OP, Suggest you wait until your child is 12 and go back and re-read what you wrote on this thread. You will feel kind of silly.

[Anonymous]

Why doesn’t he have to switch to travel? Isn’t rec available everywhere travel is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's worrying at age 8 about what he'll be doing FIVE YEARS INTO THE FUTURE and you are feeding that worry but trying to get him optimal training so he can get on the high school team?

I wouldn’t say he was worried. That’s you. Nor was I asking about any sort of optimal training. That’s all you.

Me, I was just wondering why there’s a big difference between his skills in practice and what shows up during games.

I would say that he has long-term goals and that we will support him as long as they remain his goals. He rarely changes his mind. I wish he would because there’s a lot about the soccer scene I don’t like.

No, OP. You came back to say you want him to go to travel in a few years but he doesn't seem ready. You should know that's really weird.

No, PP. I said we had been told he should go travel, and that he was not playing at that level. I said he had great skills that weren’t showing up in games and that he wasn’t ready for travel. You should learn to read better.

Oh, yikes. I’m not pp but you are definitely backpedaling on things that you wrote earlier in the thread. You really shouldn’t insult people when you yourself seem to have forgotten what you wrote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's worrying at age 8 about what he'll be doing FIVE YEARS INTO THE FUTURE and you are feeding that worry but trying to get him optimal training so he can get on the high school team?

I wouldn’t say he was worried. That’s you. Nor was I asking about any sort of optimal training. That’s all you.

Me, I was just wondering why there’s a big difference between his skills in practice and what shows up during games.

I would say that he has long-term goals and that we will support him as long as they remain his goals. He rarely changes his mind. I wish he would because there’s a lot about the soccer scene I don’t like.

No, OP. You came back to say you want him to go to travel in a few years but he doesn't seem ready. You should know that's really weird.

No, PP. I said we had been told he should go travel, and that he was not playing at that level. I said he had great skills that weren’t showing up in games and that he wasn’t ready for travel. You should learn to read better.

Oh, OP. You really need a life. You sound really wound up. You need to stop insulting people who give you advice that you don't like. You're not going to like this either but you seem really calculating and stressed out. This is what you wrote

"OP. DS is in a K-12 private. Only the best players get to play on the JV and Varsity teams. His ambitions may change but right no worries he wants to play on the school team. It seems only the travel players make even the JV team."

Yes. Please note. Nowhere does it says I want him to play travel. It specifically talks about my son's ambitions and the fact that only travel players make even the JV team.

Read my other post where I talk about soccer being too competitive. You've offered no helpful advice, so move along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's worrying at age 8 about what he'll be doing FIVE YEARS INTO THE FUTURE and you are feeding that worry but trying to get him optimal training so he can get on the high school team?

I wouldn’t say he was worried. That’s you. Nor was I asking about any sort of optimal training. That’s all you.

Me, I was just wondering why there’s a big difference between his skills in practice and what shows up during games.

I would say that he has long-term goals and that we will support him as long as they remain his goals. He rarely changes his mind. I wish he would because there’s a lot about the soccer scene I don’t like.

No, OP. You came back to say you want him to go to travel in a few years but he doesn't seem ready. You should know that's really weird.

No, PP. I said we had been told he should go travel, and that he was not playing at that level. I said he had great skills that weren’t showing up in games and that he wasn’t ready for travel. You should learn to read better.

Oh, yikes. I’m not pp but you are definitely backpedaling on things that you wrote earlier in the thread. You really shouldn’t insult people when you yourself seem to have forgotten what you wrote.

No. You and the other person who can't read were making assumptions that aren't there. If you find someone correcting people who can't read insulting, you really shouldn't be on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's worrying at age 8 about what he'll be doing FIVE YEARS INTO THE FUTURE and you are feeding that worry but trying to get him optimal training so he can get on the high school team?

I wouldn’t say he was worried. That’s you. Nor was I asking about any sort of optimal training. That’s all you.

Me, I was just wondering why there’s a big difference between his skills in practice and what shows up during games.

I would say that he has long-term goals and that we will support him as long as they remain his goals. He rarely changes his mind. I wish he would because there’s a lot about the soccer scene I don’t like.

No, OP. You came back to say you want him to go to travel in a few years but he doesn't seem ready. You should know that's really weird.

No, PP. I said we had been told he should go travel, and that he was not playing at that level. I said he had great skills that weren’t showing up in games and that he wasn’t ready for travel. You should learn to read better.

Oh, OP. You really need a life. You sound really wound up. You need to stop insulting people who give you advice that you don't like. You're not going to like this either but you seem really calculating and stressed out. This is what you wrote

"OP. DS is in a K-12 private. Only the best players get to play on the JV and Varsity teams. His ambitions may change but right no worries he wants to play on the school team. It seems only the travel players make even the JV team."

Yeah. No helpful advice offered. Just an insulting question.

[Anonymous]

It seems to me that the OP is getting defensive because a number of you are trying to parse all her (?) statements so you can go on the attack about her priorities. It is not clear to me why you feel the need to do this. OP says she's been told her son will need to move to travel if he wants to ultimately play in HS. I can easily believe this is the case, because it's likely what all the parents of older kids in her community have seen. It is certainly true in my kids' HS that at least 95% of the kids who make even the JV team have been in the travel system since they were 10 or so.

If you take it as a given that your kid will need to move to travel to even have a hope of playing in HS, it makes sense to take a look at how he's progressing vis a vis his peers and to ask the question OP did here. If a kid is already training a lot and looks good in practice, I'd think most parents would wonder why that's not evident in game situations. At some point OP's family will likely need to consider whether it makes sense for the kid to be putting a ton of time into the sport if his talents lie elsewhere, but it can take some time to figure that out.

[Anonymous]

Agree - 95% of kids in HS JV, HS varsity & local travel teams by HS age (ranging from mid level to the elite who aren't even allowed to also play in HS to stay on their teams since it's 'playing down') were doing travel by age 8/9.

These days - different than when I and others played in the 80s - the escalation of required skills earlier just to make the team has aged down. So if your kid can't do x,y,z by 10/11, they won't make the top 2-3 tiers of travel teams.

Kids can excel or not in different aspects of the sport - 'game sense' is one, aggressive play is another. For some kids those are innate, for some they are on a spectrum of ability. Sometimes those emerge in some kids, but can't 'guarantee' via practicing and playing. Confidence can be a factor, but it can be those other things.

People will call me crazy, as they are trying with you, but as a former player and having kids who have gone through the system now - you really do get boxed out early if you don't get into the training pathways unless your kid is pretty athletically stellar and gets catch up training. Yes, this young. This is now the thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

PP, thanks for your time thoughtful post. I had not connected this to lack of confidence or a fear of making mistakes. DS is confident in other areas of his life, but not so much in soccer. Until this season we’ve mostly had parent coaches that focused on the strongest players.p and kindness of ignored the other players. I think he has it in his head that he’s not as strong as other kids. He is kind of perfectionistic and sensitive to other kids blaming him for mistakes. So maybe an abundance of caution is making him slow down during games.

Any ideas on how to help him with confidence on the field?



As others have said, just encourage his love for the game and find places for him to have fun playing. Some players hold back against bigger kids, kids they perceive as better, or even because they are thinking too hard about what to do. That's why emphasis on winning at this age is insane.

Does your son love soccer? Do some summer camps. My son who would shut down during games was a force at soccer camps. The same is true for group training away from the team. You know why he was so much better there? Because camps were fun for him and playing not to lose in games was not. My kid also lacks a bit of natural aggression, but over the years, we have often seen his perception of the game reflected in his play. If he thinks the other team is bad, he can do anything he wants with the ball and dominates. If the other team is huge, he might be a bit more tentative. When he thinks he has nothing to lose, like if he is playing with older kids or with a team he doesn't know, he is free and confident. When he is worried about displeasing his coach, it shows on the field. As a teen, we still struggle with these issues, but DS has made great strides in terms of appearing aggressive on the field more often.

Ball skills and love for the sport - that's what it is all about in this age. That, plus encouragement to try moves and make mistakes just because it is fun.

This is great advice. And also describes my kid as well. I’d add try not to rehash or analyze games on the car ride home afterwards. Maybe ask him what he thought of,the game a few hours later and let him lead the discussion. If he wants to talk about it great, if he doesn’t, then that’s fine too.