I am dreading my brother’s wedding and I feel like a terrible person

[Anonymous]

When my early 20s cousin was whining about how my talk of wedding planning (in my early 30s) was making her feel bad, I had little sympathy. Guess what? Cousin is now married and it happened before 30. You are young!!!

[Anonymous]

OP again - you all are the best! Thanks - seriously, thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Raised Catholic, married at 23, turned out to be abusive physically and mentally, divorced by 29.

I decided to embrace being single and just to live my life for me. Went to a ton of therapy, figured out some stuff, lived alone for the first time- it was amazing!! I decided I would be fine being single forever if the other choice was being lonely in a bad marriage- that's a much worse feeling.
Then of course finally found the perfect guy once I was truly happy alone! (3kids, 15 years together)

Me too! Though I don’t have/want kids. Took really having time to myself and getting kicked in the ass by a divorce to really start to appreciate and love myself without another person. I don’t know who I’d be today if I didn’t go through what I went through.

You have so much life ahead of you, OP.

Hey there its PP with the three kids! Glad things worked out for you too!! We both got a second chance.

[Anonymous]

Op - the data is very clear that those who marry young are more likely to divorce. So enjoy your mid-20s and be happy that once you do find your special partner that your marriage is more likely to survive.

--someone who got married at 30 and is still happily married after 20 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my 20s I felt miserable because of friends/ family getting married and I was still single...
Fake your happiness for your brother's sake.
My brother got married, the next day I went to a blind date (set up by my aunt-"While you're in town there's a man I met...")
I was hung over, had NO expectations (zero) yet there he was, my DH and father of my 3 my 3 kids... I was 29.
You can be a hero OP. This is the time when you should think- this is not about me, this is about my brother. I know it is SO HARD. You will get through this. Grace under fire. Keep your sense of humor.

Love this!

[Anonymous]

Of course you are dreading it! If he is younger than you, what the heck! At least you can look forward to his divorce.

[Anonymous]

Just wait until all of the weddings you've attended and then half don't attend yours. For me, it was my family. Completely ghosted my wedding.

[Anonymous]

Be happy for your brother that he found someone to make him smile. Don't feel pressure into any relationship. Don't idle and don't do things you regret.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:omg I can’t imagine having been married in my 20’s! It’s so fun to be on your own, have lots of adventures, get to know lots of different people, travel. There is plenty of time for married life.

Yes!! Enjoy your 20s. I got married at 22 and am in my mid 30s with kids now. My husband is a gem- I just wish I would have met him at 30 instead of 20. Use your 20s to travel, met new people, pick up a hobby, and make friends everywhere you go. Don't feel sad for one second you aren't getting married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Girl, you are in your mid20’s. In 10 years you will realize just how silly you are being. Be genuinely happy for him. You have plenty of time to settle down, truly. I married at 34 and had so much fun in my 20’s. There is time for fun now and settling down later.

This. 1000 times this. Mid twenties??? Jesus. You have plenty of time to get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I was you for a looooong time. All I can say now that I’m married with two kids is I look back at what a complete f&$%#*> idiot I was to waste so much time pining over what I didn’t have. Not saying it didn’t suck - it did, a lot. There was a lot of loneliness. By the time I was in my early 30s I stopped wallowing in it and found some good friends and started doing a lot more fun things, and traveling. You will not meet the right person when you are obsessed with not being alone. You will meet the right person when you are living your life and doing what you like, and find they are there too. Don’t be too hard on yourself, your feelings are normal. And good for you for being so good on the surface with everything. Good luck.

And PP is right - so many people I know who married in their 20s are divorced now (I’m in my 40s). Better to get it right than get it quick.

This Op. Mid 20's and single is fine. Live your life, enjoy your 20's, travel, go out. One day you will be walking down the aisle, it will be ok. I worried too in my 20's and it was a complete waste of time. Good for you faking your happiness for your brother, please don't ever let him know how you feel. Work on a good relationship with your new SIL. It will all work out.

100% If I have one regret in life it's how much time I spent in college (when I didn't have a serious boyfriend and a lot of my friends did) and in my 20's stressing about meeting someone and getting married. I started dating my husband in my late 20's. We have 2 kids. It's all good, I just wish I had enjoyed the journey more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I met my husband at a wedding. Plan to go, look fabulous, and have the mindset that you’re going to have a good time. If you meet someone, so much the better! If you don’t, you’ve had a great time and shared your brothers happiness.

I met my husband at a wedding too! I was going to suggest - go, look amazing, have a great time and find a hook-up Or not and have memories with your relatives who convene for the occasion. Getting married young ain't always the best thing to do - much higher chanced statistically of divorce, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:omg I can’t imagine having been married in my 20’s! It’s so fun to be on your own, have lots of adventures, get to know lots of different people, travel. There is plenty of time for married life.

Yes!! Enjoy your 20s. I got married at 22 and am in my mid 30s with kids now. My husband is a gem- I just wish I would have met him at 30 instead of 20. Use your 20s to travel, met new people, pick up a hobby, and make friends everywhere you go. Don't feel sad for one second you aren't getting married.

I married at 24 but don’t regret it. I agree OP has nothing to worry about but surely we can support her without bashing those who found their person young? Same for the PP saying we are more likely to divorce. I’m pretty sure that has been debunked when you control for education and finances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, are you guys Mormon or something? No one gets married in their early 20s these days!

+1 bajillion!

[Anonymous]

Ton of people will ask if you are next or do you have a boyfriend or think you are a closet gay or a loser. Plan to drink heavily.