Is this unfair or reasonable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a son--I just don't want to be an IL after reading all of these threads.
OP- yes, it's mean and your inlaws will feel snubbed and excluded.

They won’t feel snubbed because they won’t know.

“Did Sebastian have his karate ceremony this year?”

“We kept the karate ceremony kind of low-key this year, Edna and Earl, so it was just Larla, the kids and myself. But no reason we can’t still plan a dinner with to to celebrate now. Does next Friday work?”

Do you all really invite your whole family to every little event?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a son--I just don't want to be an IL after reading all of these threads.
OP- yes, it's mean and your inlaws will feel snubbed and excluded.

They won’t feel snubbed because they won’t know.

“Did Sebastian have his karate ceremony this year?”

“We kept the karate ceremony kind of low-key this year, Edna and Earl, so it was just Larla, the kids and myself. But no reason we can’t still plan a dinner with to to celebrate now. Does next Friday work?”

Do you all really invite your whole family to every little event?

So, your suggestion is to lie to the inlaws, so OP can have "alone time" with her parents because they won't see reach other for . . . two whole months?

Lovely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a son--I just don't want to be an IL after reading all of these threads.
OP- yes, it's mean and your inlaws will feel snubbed and excluded.

I'm with you. And I don't get it. How can all these in-laws be so awful yet somehow produced the man that the DIL's wanted to marry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a son--I just don't want to be an IL after reading all of these threads.
OP- yes, it's mean and your inlaws will feel snubbed and excluded.

They won’t feel snubbed because they won’t know.

“Did Sebastian have his karate ceremony this year?”

“We kept the karate ceremony kind of low-key this year, Edna and Earl, so it was just Larla, the kids and myself. But no reason we can’t still plan a dinner with to to celebrate now. Does next Friday work?”

Do you all really invite your whole family to every little event?

So, your suggestion is to lie to the inlaws, so OP can have "alone time" with her parents because they won't see reach other for . . . two whole months?

Lovely.

Sure.

Do you never call in sick when you aren’t really sick? Do you never tell someone you can’t make it to something because of X, when in reality, you just don’t want to go? You’ve never exaggerated the truth to suit you. Well, aren’t you perfect!

Yes. I would suggest that, if asked, they lie. It’s not admitting that the other grands came, it’s saying the truth: it was more low-key this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a son--I just don't want to be an IL after reading all of these threads.
OP- yes, it's mean and your inlaws will feel snubbed and excluded.

You never know. Maybe you will be the awesome grandparents and your DIL will have annoying, unhelpful parents? My inlaws are petty and petulant and hard to deal with. They are also not warm and fuzzy. But my SIL (their daughter) has awesome, fun, loving, helpful involved inlaws whom her children are really close to. I would LOVE it if they were my inlaws.

So just BE AWESOME!

[Anonymous]

Well, I have TWO sons and hope to God that nobody invites me to any sporting event ever. I have done my time in that regard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think that sounds terribly unfair to both your ds and your inlaws. You could have a visit with only your parents the weekend before, or dinner out with only them Monday-Wednesday, then invite everyone to the event on Thursday.

This. It sounds very unfair and selfish to me, too. Everyone should be invited to DS's event.

+2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a son--I just don't want to be an IL after reading all of these threads.
OP- yes, it's mean and your inlaws will feel snubbed and excluded.

They won’t feel snubbed because they won’t know.

“Did Sebastian have his karate ceremony this year?”

“We kept the karate ceremony kind of low-key this year, Edna and Earl, so it was just Larla, the kids and myself. But no reason we can’t still plan a dinner with to to celebrate now. Does next Friday work?”

Do you all really invite your whole family to every little event?

Flat out lying is stupid, especially in these days of social media. All it will take is for someone else at the dinner to tag someone in op's family in a picture, and the truth will be out there.

Just have dinner with them alone on Wednesday night, op. This is a mountain out of a molehill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a son--I just don't want to be an IL after reading all of these threads.
OP- yes, it's mean and your inlaws will feel snubbed and excluded.

They won’t feel snubbed because they won’t know.

“Did Sebastian have his karate ceremony this year?”

“We kept the karate ceremony kind of low-key this year, Edna and Earl, so it was just Larla, the kids and myself. But no reason we can’t still plan a dinner with to to celebrate now. Does next Friday work?”

Do you all really invite your whole family to every little event?

Flat out lying is stupid, especially in these days of social media. All it will take is for someone else at the dinner to tag someone in op's family in a picture, and the truth will be out there.

Just have dinner with them alone on Wednesday night, op. This is a mountain out of a molehill.

Or OP's own kid! Is he supposed to lie to his grandparents?

[Anonymous]

OP, have the all-family dinner as planned. Go on the weekend thing with your nuclear family. Spend time with your parents at a different point. Unless it is likely that one or both of your parents will not return from this trip, I find it odd that you need to schedule time with them to say goodbye. Unless your in-laws are terrible, I find it odd that you cannot spend time with your parents while they are there. A dinner is a dinner even with two extra seats filled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a son--I just don't want to be an IL after reading all of these threads.
OP- yes, it's mean and your inlaws will feel snubbed and excluded.

They won’t feel snubbed because they won’t know.

“Did Sebastian have his karate ceremony this year?”

“We kept the karate ceremony kind of low-key this year, Edna and Earl, so it was just Larla, the kids and myself. But no reason we can’t still plan a dinner with to to celebrate now. Does next Friday work?”

Do you all really invite your whole family to every little event?

So, your suggestion is to lie to the inlaws, so OP can have "alone time" with her parents because they won't see reach other for . . . two whole months?

Lovely.

Sure.

Do you never call in sick when you aren’t really sick? Do you never tell someone you can’t make it to something because of X, when in reality, you just don’t want to go? You’ve never exaggerated the truth to suit you. Well, aren’t you perfect!

Yes. I would suggest that, if asked, they lie. It’s not admitting that the other grands came, it’s saying the truth: it was more low-key this year.

In addition to being a liar, you have reading comprehension problems. It was not, "just Larla, the kids and myself."

And no, I don't lie to my family. Seriously? That fact that you think this is commonplace and acceptable says a lot about you, none of it good.

[Anonymous]

You're being cagey, op, and you chose to post. Why do you need alone time which really isn't alone time since your kids and husband will be there to say good-bye with your parents? If you are into preminitions and the like (and I am) then just say "I feel very strongly that they may not come back from this trip". Realize that a self-described two month vacation taken by two adults makes your parents sound indulgent. That's fine, they are allowed to do that, I just can't understand why you would treat your husband and his parents so shabilly. This event (also an event that you are being cagey about) matters to him. More importantly, he wants you and the kids there. And, yet you find it within yourself to say "We're doing this for you, so I want something else for me". That's a real good way to kill a marriage, especially when there is no reason to stay married, i.e. the kids aren't babies anymore, you don't need to prove to the neighbors you can get through the first year, you've had all the children you're likely to have, and both of you are young enough to find other partners. I would level with yourself and tell your husband (and yourself) exactly what your thoughts and feelings are. Then I'd make my peace with my parents before they left. Finally, I'd enjoy my kid's sport, inviting anybody who wants to come, and enjoy a nice weekend with my husband and family where I may see a good side of him I never knew before. Your attitude is why many divorces happen at the middle school age bracket.

[Anonymous]

Your plan is a great way to cause future conflict between you and your husband. He'll be wondering if every time you "take one for the team" you're also scheming for some way to screw him over.

[Anonymous]

Not fair. Visit with your parents the prior weekend?

[Anonymous]

They booked two months away with no thought to missing out on life with you all. I see no reason for a giant, sentimental farewell. If so, spend time before the tournament together and meet the ILs at and after the event.

Of course this all presumes they want to spend a day at sports when they are getting ready to leave.