Ever have a mom or parent who really changed in their late 50's or early 60"s?

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like you want to be closer to your mom, or to regain the closeness you used to have. Why not talk to her about this? (Without accusing her or her interests/lifestyle)

Maybe try to visit more often or ask if you can join her on one of her trips. Have a heart to heart about your relationship if the moment presents itself.

I have a parent who I also had to remind - for different reasons - that even though I was an adult now, I still need my parents and want both of them in my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom became dramatically happier and more pleasant in her late 70s. At first, I was very cautious, but I’ve been encouraging her and she has blossomed.

+1 I wish this was the woman who raised me but I’ll enjoy her now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was a young mom, I was 22 when I was born and she had my brother at 21. I am now 42. I noticed as she became an empty nester she started really spreading her wings in terms of interests which made us all happy. For 20 something years she stayed home and took care of myself and 2 brothers. Got us to school, our many sports and activities and really was a fantastic parent along with my dad (but who had a medical practice so was not home a lot). Most of the child rearing fell to my mom.

Anyway around 57 she took up golf, tennis and yoga. By 60 she was teaching yoga. By 61 she started a travel group for women 55-65. They travel 3-4 times a year for 12 weeks all around the world. She has always loved travel and this was a perfect thing for her to do. She has as a result developed many friend groups and is the busiest 64 year old I. know! She has changed even in personality, she is super liberal now- whereas she was a conservative growing up.

She has friends young and old, does things like pottery making, graphic design and works on antique dollhouse in her spare time (there isn't much). She lives out of state but maintains a very active social media presence so I get to see and hear all about it (besides when we talk/see each other). My dad is fine with it as he is very busy with his practice but in about 5 years when he retires I am not sure where/how he will fit into her busy life as his entire life has been about practicing medicine and an occasional golf game.

Love that she is so happy but its' weird that I feel like I don't know her the way I always had. The person I knew growing up and who I could tell my inner most secrets to is not the person she is today. I think this is quite unusual and just wondering if any one has had this happen? I recently started therapy for the first time ever, and the therapist thinks that because she got married and had kids so young, she is now doing all the things she would have probably wanted to do in her 20's,etc...never really thought about it that way but makes sense though it doesn't make my own feelings any easier to try and grapple.

I was away for away with my husband for medical conference in China and a few days before we were leaving, she calls and tells me she is considering going to a Buddhist retreat but the program is for one month. That just struck me in a weird way, like who goes away and leaves their life behind for one month? I am supposed to see her tomorrow and just not sure how to react.

This is my fav part: I was 22 when I was born .
OP, I know it is a typo but hilarious one. I wish I was 22 when I was born too.

[Anonymous]

Your mom sounds fantastic and your dad sounds like a really great husband.

It's possible that your dad has traveled enough in the past that he is pretty much over it and prefers to stick closer to home. Your mom, on the other hand, was at home with the kids while you were growing up and her focus and energy was spent on her home and family. It's not that she regrets SAH, not at all, but she now has the freedom to spread her wings a little bit. She's putting some love and energy into herself, into her passions and her own personal development. This is good because her children now have their own lives, her husband has a solid career with all of the connections that come with it and if she didn't branch out she would be left rattling around the house by herself. Your dad seems to get that.

I'm a SAHM and, while 12 weeks away from my husband every year seems a bit much to me, I can totally see myself wanting to get out and see some of the world with a group of girlfriends once or twice a year. We could share on hotel accommodations and keep each other safe. I love that your mom is teaching fitness classes now. She has really reinvented herself in a positive way. Good for her!

[Anonymous]

That is all totally normal, OP. I actually have several childless friends who travel constantly and even did the one month Buddist retreat, and several empty nesters who travel all the time.

How any of this relates to you not being able to tell her "secrets" is a mystery for you and your therapist to figure out.

[Anonymous]

I'll also mention that your mom realizes that she isn't getting any younger and that if she doesn't do this now she may never get a chance to. That does not mean that she loves you or your dad any less than she always has.

I know that I am in it for the long haul with my husband. I love him as much as ever and if he ever needed me to be at home with him I would be there for him. I've been with him for the vast majority of my adult life. We have a nice family and a lot to be grateful for. I do want to see some of the world, though, and if he isn't interested in going places I'm pretty sure that he would be fine with me traveling for a week or so w/o him.

[Anonymous]

I would be delighted for her. Is she supposed to live for you? Sit around catering to you? Or sad and depressed?

[Anonymous]

A mom is a person first, with a self before and after children. One friend had children young and lived a typical life as SAHM. She has now sailed around the world in a small sailboat more than once. Another lost her husband and shortly became all about her new boyfriend. We are adaptable, that is how we survive.