Dating a single mom at preschool

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Just no. It’s like dating at work but worse because your kid is involved


+1. I would never date a parent at my child's school. I would never date a co-worker. Same reasoning.

Nah. Dating a co-worker risks getting fired. Dating someone at school or day care, if it goes south, eh it's awkward but so what, the school can't fire you.

Ugh. Quit mansplaining me. You are explaining the problem from the man’s perspective - yes, of course, you run little risk in the playschool environment because as you say you can’t get fired. Also, men are rarely called out for any kind of sexual assault or harrassment or other creepiness unless it rises to the level of a provable in a court of law crime with tangible physical evidence - so you’re protected there as well.

I am saying you should consider the problems asking her out creates for HER. If she says yes and it falls apart, she risks retaliation from you. If she says yes and it continues it puts her ina vulnerable position to be leveraged by you in some way. If she says yes and somehow her ex finds out it could create custody problems for her. If she says no, then she also risks retaliation from you.

It takes the preschool environment, which should be one of safety where she can focus on her child and complicates it. Just like asking people out in your work environment warps work from a safe place where everyone focuses on the work at hand and moves forward by merit to a place where personal interests create tension. Same with school.

Work, school, and other mandatory environments are not personal chum pools for guys to swim around in to get their egos (and other parts stroked).

"Ugh." PP, please take your feminist hat off for 2 minutes to respond to the OP, if that's even possible.

She's a grown up. If she doesn't want to go out with OP -- coffee, dating, whatever -- she can say so. Your warped perspective is not helpful and likely based on your own distorted relationship views.

OP, go for it. Just ask her out. Women like men with confidence. If she says no, you have your answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pro-tip if she's carrying her wailing toddler to the car, that's not a good time to approach her for a date.

I think it's fine to ask her out as long as it's not out of the blue. I assume you have had conversations with her before. Maybe see if she wants to get coffee after drop off.

[Anonymous]

I asked a preschool single dad out for coffee two years ago and it went fine and we are still dating. He was always quite chatty but I took the lead and I’m glad I did for many reasons. We’ve discussed getting married but combining two divorced families just feels too complicated and life is very good right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Just no. It’s like dating at work but worse because your kid is involved

+1. I would never date a parent at my child's school. I would never date a co-worker. Same reasoning.

Nah. Dating a co-worker risks getting fired. Dating someone at school or day care, if it goes south, eh it's awkward but so what, the school can't fire you.

Ugh. Quit mansplaining me. [Quit womoaning.] You are explaining the problem from the man’s perspective [and you are now going to womoan from the woman's perspective] - yes, of course, you run little risk in the playschool environment because as you say you can’t get fired. Also, men are rarely called out for any kind of sexual assault or harrassment or other creepiness unless it rises to the level of a provable in a court of law crime with tangible physical evidence - so you’re protected there as well. [If, as you say, men can't be "called out" or punished for sexual harassment unless the allegation can be proven - and I certainly don't agree with that - that would be a good thing. Nobody should be convicted of a serious offense unless there is tangible proof.]

I am saying you should consider the problems asking her out creates for HER. [It creates no problems for any adult woman. There, done.] If she says yes and it falls apart, she risks retaliation from you. [Retaliation? Like what? What am I going to do to another parent at preschool? I have no power or influence over her at all.] If she says yes and it continues it puts her in a vulnerable position to be leveraged by you in some way. [How? What "leverage" could I possibly exert? Specifics, please.] If she says yes and somehow her ex finds out it could create custody problems for her. [Absolute bullshit. If she is divorced, then she can date whoever she wants.] If she says no, then she also risks retaliation from you. [Again, retaliate how? What could I possibly do?]

It takes the preschool environment, which should be one of safety where she can focus on her child and complicates it. [It creates no "complications" for a mature adult. She says yes or no, whatever she prefers, and that's that.] Just like asking people out in your work environment warps work from a safe place where everyone focuses on the work at hand and moves forward by merit to a place where personal interests create tension. [I disagree that preschool is "just like" work. Fundamentally different.] Same with school.

Work, school, and other mandatory environments are not personal chum pools for guys to swim around in to get their egos (and other parts stroked). [In fact it is the women who get their egos stroked when men approach them.]

The prospect of "retaliation" and "complications" at pre-school / day care are, in fact, much more serious for the man in this scenario than the woman. Every day care and preschool that I know of has been run almost entirely by women - and certainly, the director is always a woman. If Joe approaches Larla for a date, and Larla is annoyed, and Larla complains to the administration of the day care / preschool, it is practically guaranteed that the (female) director will take Larla's word for it about what happened (because: Team Woman) and could well go so far as to kick Joe's kid(s) out of the day care / preschool. But let's say Joe breaks up with her and she takes it poorly and starts stalking and harassing him, and lying in wait for him outside the day care. If Joe complains to the day care administration, nothing will happen to Larla in that case.

[Anonymous]

Hats off to PP for laying out rationally how prior PP is full of sh*t. Added props for “womoaning”.

[Anonymous]

bump

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Just no. It’s like dating at work but worse because your kid is involved


+1. I would never date a parent at my child's school. I would never date a co-worker. Same reasoning.

Nah. Dating a co-worker risks getting fired. Dating someone at school or day care, if it goes south, eh it's awkward but so what, the school can't fire you.

Ugh. Quit mansplaining me. You are explaining the problem from the man’s perspective - yes, of course, you run little risk in the playschool environment because as you say you can’t get fired. Also, men are rarely called out for any kind of sexual assault or harrassment or other creepiness unless it rises to the level of a provable in a court of law crime with tangible physical evidence - so you’re protected there as well.

I am saying you should consider the problems asking her out creates for HER. If she says yes and it falls apart, she risks retaliation from you. If she says yes and it continues it puts her ina vulnerable position to be leveraged by you in some way. If she says yes and somehow her ex finds out it could create custody problems for her. If she says no, then she also risks retaliation from you.

It takes the preschool environment, which should be one of safety where she can focus on her child and complicates it. Just like asking people out in your work environment warps work from a safe place where everyone focuses on the work at hand and moves forward by merit to a place where personal interests create tension. Same with school.

Work, school, and other mandatory environments are not personal chum pools for guys to swim around in to get their egos (and other parts stroked).

You know women like dating and relationships too right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Just no. It’s like dating at work but worse because your kid is involved


+1. I would never date a parent at my child's school. I would never date a co-worker. Same reasoning.

Nah. Dating a co-worker risks getting fired. Dating someone at school or day care, if it goes south, eh it's awkward but so what, the school can't fire you.

Ugh. Quit mansplaining me. You are explaining the problem from the man’s perspective - yes, of course, you run little risk in the playschool environment because as you say you can’t get fired. Also, men are rarely called out for any kind of sexual assault or harrassment or other creepiness unless it rises to the level of a provable in a court of law crime with tangible physical evidence - so you’re protected there as well.

I am saying you should consider the problems asking her out creates for HER. If she says yes and it falls apart, she risks retaliation from you. If she says yes and it continues it puts her ina vulnerable position to be leveraged by you in some way. If she says yes and somehow her ex finds out it could create custody problems for her. If she says no, then she also risks retaliation from you.

It takes the preschool environment, which should be one of safety where she can focus on her child and complicates it. Just like asking people out in your work environment warps work from a safe place where everyone focuses on the work at hand and moves forward by merit to a place where personal interests create tension. Same with school.

Work, school, and other mandatory environments are not personal chum pools for guys to swim around in to get their egos (and other parts stroked).

You know women like dating and relationships too right?

She's single for a reason though. Just saying

[Anonymous]

I was former single mom who has remarried - I would ask her out separately to see if she wants to grab drinks one night - make it separate from the play date - she will be flattered either way to be asked out - and if she decljnes, no bad feelings but do it in a way that is classy because she may talk with the other moms....

[Anonymous]

I struck a conversation this morning about how was your weekend, etc. She seemed receptive. Does that show any interest?

[Anonymous]

No OP do not do it. You should wait for her to ask you out. It’s the only safe way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I struck a conversation this morning about how was your weekend, etc. She seemed receptive. Does that show any interest?

Jesus, dude, just get some balls and ask her out already. Don't come back here until you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I struck a conversation this morning about how was your weekend, etc. She seemed receptive. Does that show any interest?

Jesus, dude, just get some balls and ask her out already. Don't come back here until you do.

She probably thinks you're a wimp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I struck a conversation this morning about how was your weekend, etc. She seemed receptive. Does that show any interest?

Jesus, dude, just get some balls and ask her out already. Don't come back here until you do.

+1 to this. OP, we really want to pull for you here, but you're making it hard for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I struck a conversation this morning about how was your weekend, etc. She seemed receptive. Does that show any interest?

Jesus, dude, just get some balls and ask her out already. Don't come back here until you do.

+1 to this. OP, we really want to pull for you here, but you're making it hard for us.

+1 Come on, OP. Tomorrow you need to say: “want to grab coffee?” Just say it. Don’t overthink. Report back!!