Is this a hill to die on?

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine I'd have fun on a weekend trip away knowing that I went all scorched earth on MIL. It'd be in the back of mind the whole time.

...but you do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your husband HAS TO go away with his buddies? Your kid can’t miss one football game, taking up a month of summer? But you would miss a big family event? Yeah not on your side here.

I said in my OP that he should give up his trip! I believe he should sacrifice before DS, absolutely. The kids would be at camp that week, but we could always pull them early or just have a weekend as a couple.

WHy on earth should an adult have to sacrifice his vacation so that a kid doesn’t miss one single sporting event? Lady, you have your priorities all messed up.

[Anonymous]

I’m with your DH, but for different reasons.

Your ILs and his extended family are still his family, and that of your children. It’s nice when everyone can get together and have one big celebration, instead of smatterings of small ones that often, people can’t get to.

Your nuclear family will STILL be together at the family reunion event, and you have a second day to do “something special” as a family if it behooves you to do so. You have every other weekend in August to do something, but you’re letting travel football take precedence over family. Your son can travel, and the rest of your family can get away.

I think it’s healthy that you get alone time, your husband gets alone time, you all get a weekend together, and you all participate in the reunion weekend. I also think you’re probably putting unnecessary constraints on all the weekends leading up to summer, but that’s your choice.

[Anonymous]

You chose not to make your other vacation a nuclear family one, so it can’t be that important. Just move it to another weekend or don’t do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re being ridiculous and you need to figure out something else and go to the reunion.

Disagree. You’d really cancel a preplanned weekend getaway at the whim of your MIL and her post-plan plans?

DP. I would not cancel a pre planned vacation on the whim of my MIL. I would, however, move around an unbooked family weekend away in order to make a family reunion type party. Especially if I found out about it three months in advance.

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

The good news is that you aren’t expected to attend a bunch of different graduations and birthdays and so forth all summer, thanks to the consolidation.

Is it possible to plan a rafting trip in WV or something fun like that on Sunday so you still get a special weekend?

And a question: what would have happened if the weekend MIL picked a weekend your DH will be working?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The good news is that you aren’t expected to attend a bunch of different graduations and birthdays and so forth all summer, thanks to the consolidation.

Is it possible to plan a rafting trip in WV or something fun like that on Sunday so you still get a special weekend?

And a question: what would have happened if the weekend MIL picked a weekend your DH will be working?

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m with your dh on this one. You have multiple trips planned already. I don’t get skipping a family celebration to take another one.

Agree. And I cannot imagine how miserable of a time it would be if you make your husband miss a family event for something you can otherwise reschedule. I don’t get how you think that will turn out well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m with your dh on this one. You have multiple trips planned already. I don’t get skipping a family celebration to take another one.

Agree. And I cannot imagine how miserable of a time it would be if you make your husband miss a family event for something you can otherwise reschedule. I don’t get how you think that will turn out well.

This is OP and you are right. I’m looking at it all wrong. I’m glad I asked because I now see I was wrong.

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for OP. Your ILs are local and you probably see them a lot, and you're vacationing with them already, and now you have to give up a weekend getaway b/c of MIL's meltdown (devastated?!)

[Anonymous]

Why not just do an expensive, romantic date in town, rather than a weekend trip away? Do it the day/night before the family get together and let the grandparents keep the kids overnight for you. Then the kids will be there already when the family starts showing up and you and DH can take your sweet time arriving.

[Anonymous]

OP, could you go away for a weekend in April or May?

I agree that things seem pretty hectic and maybe two weekend trips when your DH works every other weekend might be too much anyways.

It also depends on how often the ILs have events like that. If this is a once in a three year thing, go. If there is one every year or more, you could skip it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for OP. Your ILs are local and you probably see them a lot, and you're vacationing with them already, and now you have to give up a weekend getaway b/c of MIL's meltdown (devastated?!)

Yeah, this seems like a point that got lost, with all the talk about "reunions." It's a bunch of local family getting together, not a reunion of far flung family members that only see each other once every 5 years. It's more like her ILs decided to have everyone over, and expect everyone to come. In a busy summer, I'd bristle at having to change plans, even if I hadn't booked flights yet, because someone decided to hold a command performance.
Plus, OP is already going on a vacation with them.

A lot of people are spinning this to cast OP in a bad light, but I don't think it's warranted.

Plus, she and her husband initially agreed, and then he wimped out. Bad form.

[Anonymous]

My own family has a complicated summer schedule, OP, so I sympathize. With one child in a SN private that runs almost year round and another swimming for all of June and July, we have very little summer time where all four of us are free at the same time.

If DH feels strongly about attending the reunion, is he willing to reschedule his solo trip for it? Or could you do yours at another time? My husband and I have both taken weekend trips during the school year and I was surprised how well that worked - it sounded like kind of a hassle before we tried it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re being ridiculous and you need to figure out something else and go to the reunion.

Disagree. You’d really cancel a preplanned weekend getaway at the whim of your MIL and her post-plan plans?

DP. I would not cancel a pre planned vacation on the whim of my MIL. I would, however, move around an unbooked family weekend away in order to make a family reunion type party. Especially if I found out about it three months in advance.

+1

+2

+3

Not to mention, the event consolidates a bunch of family events, so I'd only have to deal with one event, rather than a bunch of birthdays and graduations and stuff. Do something fun and not too far away as a family on the other day/night of the weekend, and then take a slightly longer trip on the other weekend.