Child still misses former nanny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I never talk about the nanny! DD brings her up to other people. And yes, the former nanny has asked to visit DD many times.

I didn’t like the nanny but DD loved her.

Do I keep going with no-visit-policy or allow visits?

As a parent you have to put your own needs aside for what is best for your children. By firing a nanny your child loved and bonded with, and not having a transition is pretty much a parenting fail.

Agreed. The consequences can be permanent and devastating. You're a complete fool, OP. You screwed up big time. I feel sorry for your poor child.

+2. It was a cruel thing to do to your little girl.

[Anonymous]

Op clearly isn’t capable of giving love because she doesn’t care about others, which is probably why the child was so attached to the nanny. Sad. You’re a bad person, op. When you become a parent you give up the right to be selfish and what you did (taking away someone your child loved dearly) was selfish. It’s kind of scary that your child feels like they can’t come to you with their feelings about the nanny. You need therapy.

[Anonymous]

So many questions... why would you invite this woman that you don't like into your family to take care of your child? It's not like she was unpleasant but she was cleaning your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op clearly isn’t capable of giving love because she doesn’t care about others, which is probably why the child was so attached to the nanny. Sad. You’re a bad person, op. When you become a parent you give up the right to be selfish and what you did (taking away someone your child loved dearly) was selfish. It’s kind of scary that your child feels like they can’t come to you with their feelings about the nanny. You need therapy.

I agree with this. I would never do this to my son. He loves his nanny.

PS to the poster above: nannies do not clean your house. Nannies care for and teach your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't seem to realize that the nanny was one of your child's strongest attachments. From the child's perspective it is like one of her 3 parents just disappeared one day and never came back. She had only positive associations and positive emotions and a secure attachment with this person.

You also have a 3-4 year old who already knows she can't come to you about this or how she feels and so goes to other people. You never spoke again of her and obviously have negative feelings that your child has picked up on.

100% poor kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't seem to realize that the nanny was one of your child's strongest attachments. From the child's perspective it is like one of her 3 parents just disappeared one day and never came back. She had only positive associations and positive emotions and a secure attachment with this person.

You also have a 3-4 year old who already knows she can't come to you about this or how she feels and so goes to other people. You never spoke again of her and obviously have negative feelings that your child has picked up on.

100% poor kid.

+1,000 - My heart goes out to her. Just wondering what kind of horrific childhood OP must have had.

Who would do something so evil to their own little child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't seem to realize that the nanny was one of your child's strongest attachments. From the child's perspective it is like one of her 3 parents just disappeared one day and never came back. She had only positive associations and positive emotions and a secure attachment with this person.

You also have a 3-4 year old who already knows she can't come to you about this or how she feels and so goes to other people. You never spoke again of her and obviously have negative feelings that your child has picked up on.

100% poor kid.

+1,000 - My heart goes out to her. Just wondering what kind of horrific childhood OP must have had.

Who would do something so evil to their own little child?

+2,000

[Anonymous]

Wow. This is the harshest unanimous thread I have ever seen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. This is the harshest unanimous thread I have ever seen.

OP is one of the most selfish parents I have ever seen on DCUM. Such a terrible thing to do to her kid and all because OP didn’t like the nanny. Hint: She wasn’t OP’s nanny and this wasn’t OP’s relationship. The child wants to see the nanny and the nanny wants to see the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. This is the harshest unanimous thread I have ever seen.

OP is one of the most selfish parents I have ever seen on DCUM. Such a terrible thing to do to her kid and all because OP didn’t like the nanny. Hint: She wasn’t OP’s nanny and this wasn’t OP’s relationship. The child wants to see the nanny and the nanny wants to see the child.

Exactly. I get chills every time I hear a parent say, "My nanny...." You just know there's some serious dysfunction there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD had the same nanny from birth to age three. Six months ago, we fired the nanny and decided that the nanny would not visit DD or babysit. Just make a clean break. The nanny was good with DD and did love her (she was fired because I couldn’t stand her).

Now what? Keep going without nanny or let nanny visit? DD doesn’t tell me she misses nanny but tells her teachers and grandparents. My mother asked her what she wanted if she could have anything in the world and DD said “that my nanny comes back”.

This breaks my heart. Why do so many parents do this to their children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD had the same nanny from birth to age three. Six months ago, we fired the nanny and decided that the nanny would not visit DD or babysit. Just make a clean break. The nanny was good with DD and did love her (she was fired because I couldn’t stand her).

Now what? Keep going without nanny or let nanny visit? DD doesn’t tell me she misses nanny but tells her teachers and grandparents. My mother asked her what she wanted if she could have anything in the world and DD said “that my nanny comes back”.

This breaks my heart. Why do so many parents do this to their children?

I don’t think many parents do do this anymore. The research against simply having a nanny disappear is too compelling. I have never known anyone in real life who would ever do this to a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD had the same nanny from birth to age three. Six months ago, we fired the nanny and decided that the nanny would not visit DD or babysit. Just make a clean break. The nanny was good with DD and did love her (she was fired because I couldn’t stand her).

Now what? Keep going without nanny or let nanny visit? DD doesn’t tell me she misses nanny but tells her teachers and grandparents. My mother asked her what she wanted if she could have anything in the world and DD said “that my nanny comes back”.

This breaks my heart. Why do so many parents do this to their children?

I don’t think many parents do do this anymore. The research against simply having a nanny disappear is too compelling. I have never known anyone in real life who would ever do this to a child.

Nanny here. Some families don’t care. Some just think it’s practical. And some think it’s better for the child and don’t believe the research.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD had the same nanny from birth to age three. Six months ago, we fired the nanny and decided that the nanny would not visit DD or babysit. Just make a clean break. The nanny was good with DD and did love her (she was fired because I couldn’t stand her).

Now what? Keep going without nanny or let nanny visit? DD doesn’t tell me she misses nanny but tells her teachers and grandparents. My mother asked her what she wanted if she could have anything in the world and DD said “that my nanny comes back”.

This breaks my heart. Why do so many parents do this to their children?

I don’t think many parents do do this anymore. The research against simply having a nanny disappear is too compelling. I have never known anyone in real life who would ever do this to a child.

Your friends would be too embarrassed to tell you the truth about the bad things they do. Plenty of people get mad for whatever reason, and fire the nanny on the spot. They get inappropriately emotional and aren’t thinking anything about their child’s stability of care.

[Anonymous]

I'm impressed by all the people here who fell for this post. I thought dcumers were smart.