Telling your child they were rejected

[Anonymous]

Rejection, or at least not being selected, is a part of life. My DD is now tasked with telling us about rejections to grad school, lol. Luckily, she has a lot of experience with choices from all angles and understands that many of the best aspects in life came as result of random decisions both under her control and not. It’s very important that you don’t shield your kid from the truth that not everything is theirs to decide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, why do parents put their young children in these situations? Are you not ashamed for gambling with their self-esteem just so you’d have a shot at increasing your own social capital?

Kids are stronger than you give the credit for. They can handle a little rejection in life and it builds their self esteem to not be crushed by it. And you are ludicrous if you think all parents go through this crap for themselves.

Yeah, but a lot do. I listen to private school parents spew all of this bullshit about why it’s so much better but why would so many feel the need to talk about it so much if it wasn’t all about them. You people are disgusting.

PP, you need help. I hope you get some.

Some private school parents get defensive because people like you attack them. When we decided not to attend our local public, which was highly regarded, we were attacked by several so-called friends who accused us of, variously, being stupid, wasting money, thinking we were better than everyone else, and more. It was all about them, nothing about us.

Our DCs are thriving at privates. Perhaps they would have in public, too, but we chose private.

Anyone who responds to others’ choices - choices that don’t affect them — with so much vitriol is sick. Get help.

Maybe they attacked you because you acted all high and mighty towards them. Look in the mirror.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, why do parents put their young children in these situations? Are you not ashamed for gambling with their self-esteem just so you’d have a shot at increasing your own social capital?

???? Weird response.

Why do you assume that the majority of people apply to private school are maliciously using their children for social capital? You do realize there are lots of kids in private school who are there for the better educational environment and/or because it meets that particular child's needs better? And incidentally, the parents don't care a thing about social capital?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, why do parents put their young children in these situations? Are you not ashamed for gambling with their self-esteem just so you’d have a shot at increasing your own social capital?

Kids are stronger than you give the credit for. They can handle a little rejection in life and it builds their self esteem to not be crushed by it. And you are ludicrous if you think all parents go through this crap for themselves.

Yeah, but a lot do. I listen to private school parents spew all of this bullshit about why it’s so much better but why would so many feel the need to talk about it so much if it wasn’t all about them. You people are disgusting.

PP, you need help. I hope you get some.

Some private school parents get defensive because people like you attack them. When we decided not to attend our local public, which was highly regarded, we were attacked by several so-called friends who accused us of, variously, being stupid, wasting money, thinking we were better than everyone else, and more. It was all about them, nothing about us.

Our DCs are thriving at privates. Perhaps they would have in public, too, but we chose private.

Anyone who responds to others’ choices - choices that don’t affect them — with so much vitriol is sick. Get help.

Maybe they attacked you because you acted all high and mighty towards them. Look in the mirror.

Okay Public School Patty, what is wrong with you? Have you ever heard of the phrase: live and let live? You should definitely give it a try. If I came to the Public School Forum and slammed you for subjecting your child to a subpar education full of overcrowded classes and inferior resources, you would get your knickers in a twist. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, why do parents put their young children in these situations? Are you not ashamed for gambling with their self-esteem just so you’d have a shot at increasing your own social capital?

Kids are stronger than you give the credit for. They can handle a little rejection in life and it builds their self esteem to not be crushed by it. And you are ludicrous if you think all parents go through this crap for themselves.

Yeah, but a lot do. I listen to private school parents spew all of this bullshit about why it’s so much better but why would so many feel the need to talk about it so much if it wasn’t all about them. You people are disgusting.

PP, you need help. I hope you get some.

Some private school parents get defensive because people like you attack them. When we decided not to attend our local public, which was highly regarded, we were attacked by several so-called friends who accused us of, variously, being stupid, wasting money, thinking we were better than everyone else, and more. It was all about them, nothing about us.

Our DCs are thriving at privates. Perhaps they would have in public, too, but we chose private.

Anyone who responds to others’ choices - choices that don’t affect them — with so much vitriol is sick. Get help.

This +100. We are in the exact same situation. My child is thriving in a private environment. I don't hate public and have no judgement for people who chose that route. It's at least a 50/50 chance that at some point we will consider moving into a public, if that makes sense. However, we get judged all the time by "friends" and co-workers and neighbors for OUR decision to do what we think best for our child. I don't judge you, why do you judge me for this? When I meet new people and we are chatting about our kids I never volunteer where DC attends school. I just don't want to get into. If someone asks I will give a vague answer and move the conversation away until I know you better.

[Anonymous]

Obviously it depends on age, number of schools, and child's preference.

The younger the more you make it about spaces and siblings of kids already there getting priority. Nothing personal.

The older the kid, the more you can ask them what they think the results were. Our DCs were very accurate about which they got accepted to or not at and why. They were spot on and ended up totally bought in to where they wanted to be anyway.

I hope they'll look at college the same way. It's not a competition, per se. You're making decisions for your own life, not all the other applicants.

The kids are still motivated by true competitions like video games and sports. And, between each other, grades. lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, why do parents put their young children in these situations? Are you not ashamed for gambling with their self-esteem just so you’d have a shot at increasing your own social capital?

Kids are stronger than you give the credit for. They can handle a little rejection in life and it builds their self esteem to not be crushed by it. And you are ludicrous if you think all parents go through this crap for themselves.

I agree learning to handle rejects an important skill, but let's not pretend there aren't plenty of parents doing this for their own benefit as much or more than their kids.

I doubt it. Having been through a few times, I tend to doubt it.

It’s for the parents’ benefit more often than it is the kid’s benefit. It’s a pretentious, and inhumane system kept afloat by people who don’t respect other children and have no problem instilling the same attitude in their own children at the earliest opportunity.

[Anonymous]

"You didn't get in."

My kids have been playing competitive sports for years, so this is just one more tryout. Sometimes you make the team, sometimes you don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, why do parents put their young children in these situations? Are you not ashamed for gambling with their self-esteem just so you’d have a shot at increasing your own social capital?

Kids are stronger than you give the credit for. They can handle a little rejection in life and it builds their self esteem to not be crushed by it. And you are ludicrous if you think all parents go through this crap for themselves.

Yeah, but a lot do. I listen to private school parents spew all of this bullshit about why it’s so much better but why would so many feel the need to talk about it so much if it wasn’t all about them. You people are disgusting.

PP, you need help. I hope you get some.

Some private school parents get defensive because people like you attack them. When we decided not to attend our local public, which was highly regarded, we were attacked by several so-called friends who accused us of, variously, being stupid, wasting money, thinking we were better than everyone else, and more. It was all about them, nothing about us.

Our DCs are thriving at privates. Perhaps they would have in public, too, but we chose private.

Anyone who responds to others’ choices - choices that don’t affect them — with so much vitriol is sick. Get help.

Maybe they attacked you because you acted all high and mighty towards them. Look in the mirror.

Okay Public School Patty, what is wrong with you? Have you ever heard of the phrase: live and let live? You should definitely give it a try. If I came to the Public School Forum and slammed you for subjecting your child to a subpar education full of overcrowded classes and inferior resources, you would get your knickers in a twist. Move on.

But we know that this is what private school people really think, so we wouldn't care. It would just confirm that you are a clueless, elitist snob.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, why do parents put their young children in these situations? Are you not ashamed for gambling with their self-esteem just so you’d have a shot at increasing your own social capital?

Kids are stronger than you give the credit for. They can handle a little rejection in life and it builds their self esteem to not be crushed by it. And you are ludicrous if you think all parents go through this crap for themselves.

I agree learning to handle rejects an important skill, but let's not pretend there aren't plenty of parents doing this for their own benefit as much or more than their kids.

I doubt it. Having been through a few times, I tend to doubt it.

It’s for the parents’ benefit more often than it is the kid’s benefit. It’s a pretentious, and inhumane system kept afloat by people who don’t respect other children and have no problem instilling the same attitude in their own children at the earliest opportunity.

My kids are all in highly diverse public schools and I think you are an embarrassment.

[Anonymous]

I'm a therapist in the area and work with lots of kids (public and private) going through this placement process. The kids are mainly concerned with their parents' reaction. They don't want to disappoint, they want to please. If you stay cool and unperturbed (fake it if needed) and acknowledge and validate any disappointment on their end while making it clear this isn't a disaster, then they won't internalize it as one. I wouldn't dismiss their feelings, but I'd distract them and redirect their energies and stay positive. Maybe share a time when things didn't go the way you wanted, and how you regrouped, and perhaps even why it was a blessing in disguise.

And to the PP who keeps interjecting with bizarre comments about private school parents' snootiness, you might want to consider seeing a therapist. I say that kindly. Having worked with all kinds of families who are educating their kids in private and public and parochial etc. schools, I can tell you that you're off base. Your anger is misplaced here and you seem to have stumbled into the wrong forum. Hanging out in this thread isn't going to help you in any way.

I saw this on recent topics and thought I might be able to add something--no dog in this fight.

[Anonymous]

Thank you PP for your very practical advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a therapist in the area and work with lots of kids (public and private) going through this placement process. The kids are mainly concerned with their parents' reaction. They don't want to disappoint, they want to please. If you stay cool and unperturbed (fake it if needed) and acknowledge and validate any disappointment on their end while making it clear this isn't a disaster, then they won't internalize it as one. I wouldn't dismiss their feelings, but I'd distract them and redirect their energies and stay positive. Maybe share a time when things didn't go the way you wanted, and how you regrouped, and perhaps even why it was a blessing in disguise.

And to the PP who keeps interjecting with bizarre comments about private school parents' snootiness, you might want to consider seeing a therapist. I say that kindly. Having worked with all kinds of families who are educating their kids in private and public and parochial etc. schools, I can tell you that you're off base. Your anger is misplaced here and you seem to have stumbled into the wrong forum. Hanging out in this thread isn't going to help you in any way.

I saw this on recent topics and thought I might be able to add something--no dog in this fight.

This is perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a therapist in the area and work with lots of kids (public and private) going through this placement process. The kids are mainly concerned with their parents' reaction. They don't want to disappoint, they want to please. If you stay cool and unperturbed (fake it if needed) and acknowledge and validate any disappointment on their end while making it clear this isn't a disaster, then they won't internalize it as one. I wouldn't dismiss their feelings, but I'd distract them and redirect their energies and stay positive. Maybe share a time when things didn't go the way you wanted, and how you regrouped, and perhaps even why it was a blessing in disguise.

And to the PP who keeps interjecting with bizarre comments about private school parents' snootiness, you might want to consider seeing a therapist. I say that kindly. Having worked with all kinds of families who are educating their kids in private and public and parochial etc. schools, I can tell you that you're off base. Your anger is misplaced here and you seem to have stumbled into the wrong forum. Hanging out in this thread isn't going to help you in any way.

I saw this on recent topics and thought I might be able to add something--no dog in this fight.

This is perfect.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Idiot. You don’t. You say we thought it over and we think this other school is a better fit for you and our family. Never tell a kid they didn’t get in!