Getting out of a bad carpool

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should continue your one day for the rest of the year. If they ask you next year, you say you can’t because of x.

If you drop out now, you’ll be burning bridges for your daughter.

It really is unfair to the carpool for you to break your commitment.

No, its not. Its not an easy carpool and there are four families and one family, not OP is taking the burden of another family. This is why we never agree to carpooling.

But OP knew the deal when she ageeed to it.

It's a carpool, not a blood oath. Things change.
Just be honest about the issue you're having.

If you WANT to be accommodating and stay in it for the sake of the other families and honoring your committment, drive your one day of carpool for the remaining months and drive by yourself the rest of the week. (If I were another family and knew you were doing this, btw, I'd just let you out of it. But, that's just me.)

[Anonymous]

Regarding the family that never drives:

OP hasn't told us the reason, so let's assume there is a good one.

* maybe this family does a whole lot of something else.

* maybe, like me the year I was a "carpool freeloader" someone in the family is seriously ill and the other people are being kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should continue your one day for the rest of the year. If they ask you next year, you say you can’t because of x.

If you drop out now, you’ll be burning bridges for your daughter.

It really is unfair to the carpool for you to break your commitment.

No it isn't. The purpose of the carpool is convenience, if it is no longer serving that purpose then there is no obligation. Just give them a heads up with enough time to make adjustments and other arrangements.

[Anonymous]

One option that might help your issue. In our carpool, we all drop our kids at a central spot, and the carpool starts from there. It works for us because it's an easy spot to get to (grocery store parking lot, so I often do some errands) and the carpool after that is kind of long.

Less convenient for the parents, but it saves the kids from the long drop off/pick up process.

[Anonymous]

“I hate to bring bad news but we’re having some conflicts with swim carpool and other commitments with school work and home life. We’re especially trying to squeeze out more time for Larla to get homework done. This really gives us 2 options - drop carpool so she can have that time saved from extra travel, or if you all still want me as a third driver, I’d have to modify the arrangement so we centralize a drop off and pick up spot. Yes its a bit more burdensome but it would minimize travel time for the drivers and the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you drive your one day and then your DD alone the rest of the time? Just tell them the reason: riding in the carpool the other days takes up too much homework time.

Not OP here but this is a good idea. They can look for another family to join the carpool.

+ 1

You fulfill your part of the carpool obligation, and you make it clear that the carpool is not working for you without saying a word. This way you can limit your DD's time as well as not burn bridges.

I am also thinking that it may actually make things easier for the other mom who is doing two shifts, because she will have one less child to drop off.

I think this is the only classy solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you drive your one day and then your DD alone the rest of the time? Just tell them the reason: riding in the carpool the other days takes up too much homework time.

Not OP here but this is a good idea. They can look for another family to join the carpool.

+ 1

You fulfill your part of the carpool obligation, and you make it clear that the carpool is not working for you without saying a word. This way you can limit your DD's time as well as not burn bridges.

I am also thinking that it may actually make things easier for the other mom who is doing two shifts, because she will have one less child to drop off.

I think this is the only classy solution.

This makes sense except surely she should’t Need to do her “shift” for ever more. As I noted above, the challenge her is that swim teams goes on and on. There really isn’t an end to the “season” so she’ll have to tell them at some point that she’s out entirely.