Getting out of a bad carpool

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should continue your one day for the rest of the year. If they ask you next year, you say you can’t because of x.

If you drop out now, you’ll be burning bridges for your daughter.

It really is unfair to the carpool for you to break your commitment.

+1 a commitment is a commitment, except for dire circumstances to drop out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No explanation needed.

I'm sorry, the car pool is no longer working for us.

If you need resolve, consider this: you don't want your DD to be a wuss. Set an example.

Hopefully, the example would be to fulfill a commitment.

[Anonymous]

Omg. Just stop. It is not a cult. There are four families in it. Explain that it takes up too much time. They may all feel that way. The family that drives more often can refuse to take the third day.

Unless there was some sort of competition to get into this car pool, I do not see how it is some sort of commitment that you cannot get out of.

[Anonymous]

I like the option of driving your one day of the week, and not doing the rest. Great idea! I hate carpools, but I wouldn't renege on your part of the commitment, especially if one family cannot drive at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I like the option of driving your one day of the week, and not doing the rest. Great idea! I hate carpools, but I wouldn't renege on your part of the commitment, especially if one family cannot drive at all.

+1 I would suck it up for the one day/week for the rest of the school year. Once it ends, then simply state you won't be doing it again next year.

[Anonymous]

We run a 4-day carpool and it works out fine, however, the extra time is maybe 10 minutes b/c we all live so close to each other. We had a previous carpool that added 30 minutes and that was tough on some days. I have told my DD that I will pick her up on nights I'm not driving if she has too much homework or has an extra early rise the next morning. She knows this before she goes off to practice, so I can plan accordingly.

I would offer to continue your drive for 2 weeks, but tell them it's taking a toll and you need to drop out of find a meeting drop spot so you aren't spending an extra 40 minutes in the car.

[Anonymous]

I think it is completely understandable and reasonable to leave the carpool. Maybe the mom driving 2x a week will decide to leave as well because she is definitely getting the worst end of it. I thought you were going to say the kids were rude or the drivers unreliable. We got stuck in a terrible school carpool situation. The other parent was constantly asking me to switch weeks which resulted in me driving 2/3 of the time. Several times she let me know at the very last minute (text arriving between midnight and 7am) she wasn’t driving because her daughter wasn’t going to school (not due to sickness but planned absences like a trip) leaving us scrambling. A number of times she didn’t show at all. And to add to the misery, her daughter was rude. The mom is a neighbor so I was worried about making waves and never said a word. I’m still ashamed that I didn’t have the guts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you just need to be honest, give a few weeks notice and get out. I'm one of those on a different thread that posted about hating carpools. My kids aren't big fans either - sometimes it's necessary, but when it's not, you should just no, and don't sign up next year.

But then you can't ask for favors either -if you bail on them, you can't decide you later need their help...

but then you can't ask for favors. Yup. That's a long-term problem.

I'm from the "don't great the commitment" camp.

You can work out with your daughter what to do about the homework pressure and what is fair to you, but I'd keep driving my day this year.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you can split the difference. Finish the semester driving your one day, let your DD get a ride to practice each day, and you pick just her up the three other days and whisk her straight home. You’ll need to be explicit about why so the other parents don’t have “favor creep” and start asking you to take their kids home those other three days, “since you’re there already.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should continue your one day for the rest of the year. If they ask you next year, you say you can’t because of x.

If you drop out now, you’ll be burning bridges for your daughter.

It really is unfair to the carpool for you to break your commitment.

How is it breaking her commitment if she keeps driving her one day but her daughter doesn't participate on the other days. That sounds like she's giving the other folks a break.

Am I missing something here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should continue your one day for the rest of the year. If they ask you next year, you say you can’t because of x.

If you drop out now, you’ll be burning bridges for your daughter.

It really is unfair to the carpool for you to break your commitment.

How is it breaking her commitment if she keeps driving her one day but her daughter doesn't participate on the other days. That sounds like she's giving the other folks a break.

Am I missing something here?

PP above you is probably agreeing with the part she quoted, just didn't explicitly say so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you picking up and dropping off at people’s houses? For larger carpools I’ve done we always meet at and pick up from the driver’s house.

Don’t feel bad about dropping out. Circumstances change. One family isn’t driving at all (that would piss me off). Just tell them it isn’t working for you.

Meeting at the driver's house is a good suggestion, or meet at a central location. Alternatively, why don't you ask that your DD be dropped off first on certain days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No explanation needed.

I'm sorry, the car pool is no longer working for us.

If you need resolve, consider this: you don't want your DD to be a wuss. Set an example.

The DD is complaining about "lack of downtime". That's not really the kind of thing I would pick for my DC to "take a stand" about. And the example you are suggesting is that the mom show that time for personal relaxing is more important than a commitment to a group. Please.

OP, drive your carpool day. If you are willing to bail your DD out the other days, then fine, drive her alone. But frankly it's not a very good reason to end a car pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No explanation needed.

I'm sorry, the car pool is no longer working for us.

If you need resolve, consider this: you don't want your DD to be a wuss. Set an example.

The DD is complaining about "lack of downtime". That's not really the kind of thing I would pick for my DC to "take a stand" about. And the example you are suggesting is that the mom show that time for personal relaxing is more important than a commitment to a group. Please.

OP, drive your carpool day. If you are willing to bail your DD out the other days, then fine, drive her alone. But frankly it's not a very good reason to end a car pool.

I mean, for crap's sake, it's 40 minutes! If she has homework she can do it in the car!

[Anonymous]

I’m curious to know what you plan to do?

I’m one of the Team Stay in Carpool until end of year.