Help me figure out what to do with my K child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Behavior charts are literally the worst, and not at all considered best practice anymore. It is far more effective to incentivize good behavior than to shame and call out the bad.

Go ahead and lottery if you can find a better overall school, but in the meantime, I would ask for a meeting with the teacher, perhaps a school counselor to discuss. What you are describing seems pretty far from the norm.

Silent lunch for first 10 minutes, vs an entire silent lunch are very different things. Which is it OP?

I didn't say it was the entire time. They call it silent lunch and we were told it's only the first 10-15 mins of lunch.
I haven't been there during lunch time to confirm this but I'm pretty sure it's the amount of time they're saying.

My kid was terrified at first. She told me she didn't talk to anyone because she didn't want to eat alone, which, according to her, is what happens if you talk.

She's 6 so take it with a grain of salt but I do know she's not happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the deal with silent lunch? Is this a normal thing?

Some schools have a partial silent lunch period in elementary in hopes that kids will actually eat, and not just goof and play with their friends (a classroom full of kids who didn't eat when they had the opportunity) makes for a really long and rough afternoon).

It isn't universal, but it is the practice at some schools (public and private) in this area.

Past elementary silent lunch is a punitive measure -- often given out to kids who are throwing food or otherwise exhibiting over the top and destructive behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the deal with silent lunch? Is this a normal thing?

I'm not sure what's the deal with this... I was very upset when I found out but a lot of the parents seem to like it.
It's the first 10-15 mins of lunch and then they can talk.

My child had this in PK4. She is easily distractible, and as I understand it, would basically forget to eat if they were allowed to talk, spending all her time giggling and looking at friends. She'd be starving and fussy by the end of the day. Having a few minutes to focus on eating in the beginning was helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the deal with silent lunch? Is this a normal thing?

At my kid's school, the first 10 minutes are silent. I asked about this because I thought it was mean, and what the principal told me was that because they have only one space for ~300 kids to eat lunch, they have to cycle kids in and out pretty quickly. By the time kids go through the lunch line, sometimes their lunch break is already half over. The purpose of the 10 silent minutes is to make sure that they actually eat something.

It makes sense, but I wish that there was a way to increase the amount of time they are spending at lunch from 20 minutes to at least twice that so that they were also able to be social. Human beings have been socializing around eating for many, many years, and I think it sucks that those skills are not being honed at school.

Well, I wish there was another way too. In our case, they eat in their classroom. They said they're doing this so they actually eat. I personally would prefer my kid not to eat and have fun. She's not going to starve herself... but then again, that's just me. I understand they are dealing with lots of kids and have to use different tactics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Behavior charts are literally the worst, and not at all considered best practice anymore. It is far more effective to incentivize good behavior than to shame and call out the bad.

Go ahead and lottery if you can find a better overall school, but in the meantime, I would ask for a meeting with the teacher, perhaps a school counselor to discuss. What you are describing seems pretty far from the norm.

Silent lunch for first 10 minutes, vs an entire silent lunch are very different things. Which is it OP?

I didn't say it was the entire time. They call it silent lunch and we were told it's only the first 10-15 mins of lunch.
I haven't been there during lunch time to confirm this but I'm pretty sure it's the amount of time they're saying.

My kid was terrified at first. She told me she didn't talk to anyone because she didn't want to eat alone, which, according to her, is what happens if you talk.

She's 6 so take it with a grain of salt but I do know she's not happy.

Between this, and the fact that you mentioned that she has a deep fear of the behavior chart... I would talk to the pediatrician about whether you should have her screened for anxiety. While more playtime could help, there may well be something more going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Behavior charts are literally the worst, and not at all considered best practice anymore. It is far more effective to incentivize good behavior than to shame and call out the bad.

Go ahead and lottery if you can find a better overall school, but in the meantime, I would ask for a meeting with the teacher, perhaps a school counselor to discuss. What you are describing seems pretty far from the norm.

Silent lunch for first 10 minutes, vs an entire silent lunch are very different things. Which is it OP?

I didn't say it was the entire time. They call it silent lunch and we were told it's only the first 10-15 mins of lunch.
I haven't been there during lunch time to confirm this but I'm pretty sure it's the amount of time they're saying.

My kid was terrified at first. She told me she didn't talk to anyone because she didn't want to eat alone, which, according to her, is what happens if you talk.

She's 6 so take it with a grain of salt but I do know she's not happy.

Between this, and the fact that you mentioned that she has a deep fear of the behavior chart... I would talk to the pediatrician about whether you should have her screened for anxiety. While more playtime could help, there may well be something more going on.

Thanks! I will definitively have a chat with her ped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Behavior charts are literally the worst, and not at all considered best practice anymore. It is far more effective to incentivize good behavior than to shame and call out the bad.

Go ahead and lottery if you can find a better overall school, but in the meantime, I would ask for a meeting with the teacher, perhaps a school counselor to discuss. What you are describing seems pretty far from the norm.

Silent lunch for first 10 minutes, vs an entire silent lunch are very different things. Which is it OP?

I didn't say it was the entire time. They call it silent lunch and we were told it's only the first 10-15 mins of lunch.
I haven't been there during lunch time to confirm this but I'm pretty sure it's the amount of time they're saying.

My kid was terrified at first. She told me she didn't talk to anyone because she didn't want to eat alone, which, according to her, is what happens if you talk.

She's 6 so take it with a grain of salt but I do know she's not happy.

Between this, and the fact that you mentioned that she has a deep fear of the behavior chart... I would talk to the pediatrician about whether you should have her screened for anxiety. While more playtime could help, there may well be something more going on.

+1. I'm the other PP who also mentioned anxiety. It's common that some kids get really hung up on the idea of behavior charts, getting in trouble, etc., whereas others don't give it as much thought.

I agree with talking to ped. or developmental pediatrician--maybe there are some ways to reframe her fears so that she isn't so worried about getting in trouble, and can enjoy school more while she's there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Behavior charts are literally the worst, and not at all considered best practice anymore. It is far more effective to incentivize good behavior than to shame and call out the bad.

Go ahead and lottery if you can find a better overall school, but in the meantime, I would ask for a meeting with the teacher, perhaps a school counselor to discuss. What you are describing seems pretty far from the norm.

Silent lunch for first 10 minutes, vs an entire silent lunch are very different things. Which is it OP?

I didn't say it was the entire time. They call it silent lunch and we were told it's only the first 10-15 mins of lunch.
I haven't been there during lunch time to confirm this but I'm pretty sure it's the amount of time they're saying.

My kid was terrified at first. She told me she didn't talk to anyone because she didn't want to eat alone, which, according to her, is what happens if you talk.

She's 6 so take it with a grain of salt but I do know she's not happy.

Between this, and the fact that you mentioned that she has a deep fear of the behavior chart... I would talk to the pediatrician about whether you should have her screened for anxiety. While more playtime could help, there may well be something more going on.

+1. I'm the other PP who also mentioned anxiety. It's common that some kids get really hung up on the idea of behavior charts, getting in trouble, etc., whereas others don't give it as much thought.

I agree with talking to ped. or developmental pediatrician--maybe there are some ways to reframe her fears so that she isn't so worried about getting in trouble, and can enjoy school more while she's there.

Thank you! We don't do punishments in our home or things like they do in school so maybe this is all just very new to her. She doesn't show signs of anxiety with me, but then again I'm her mom.
I will be talking with her ped to make sure there's nothing serious going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Behavior charts are literally the worst, and not at all considered best practice anymore. It is far more effective to incentivize good behavior than to shame and call out the bad.

Go ahead and lottery if you can find a better overall school, but in the meantime, I would ask for a meeting with the teacher, perhaps a school counselor to discuss. What you are describing seems pretty far from the norm.

Silent lunch for first 10 minutes, vs an entire silent lunch are very different things. Which is it OP?

I didn't say it was the entire time. They call it silent lunch and we were told it's only the first 10-15 mins of lunch.
I haven't been there during lunch time to confirm this but I'm pretty sure it's the amount of time they're saying.

My kid was terrified at first. She told me she didn't talk to anyone because she didn't want to eat alone, which, according to her, is what happens if you talk.

She's 6 so take it with a grain of salt but I do know she's not happy.

Between this, and the fact that you mentioned that she has a deep fear of the behavior chart... I would talk to the pediatrician about whether you should have her screened for anxiety. While more playtime could help, there may well be something more going on.

+1. I'm the other PP who also mentioned anxiety. It's common that some kids get really hung up on the idea of behavior charts, getting in trouble, etc., whereas others don't give it as much thought.

I agree with talking to ped. or developmental pediatrician--maybe there are some ways to reframe her fears so that she isn't so worried about getting in trouble, and can enjoy school more while she's there.

Thank you! We don't do punishments in our home or things like they do in school so maybe this is all just very new to her. She doesn't show signs of anxiety with me, but then again I'm her mom.
I will be talking with her ped to make sure there's nothing serious going on.

I think at CMI you are likely to have a school psychologist of some sort, since they tend to focus on serving IEP kids etc. This is who you can reach out to. Discuss the signs of anxiety in class, the extreme resistance to going to school. If you're not sure, ask the principal what support staff for such needs the school has. I know they have something because on a tour I saw that cool room with the padding and stuff to climb on... Meanwhile, check out some alternative curriculum schools for lottery but for now make use of the resources you have there. I do know that in our Montessori there would not be such thing as a silent lunch or behavior chart, although there is structure in the sense that there are a lot of rules such as not running, not yelling, not disrupting someone's work, the list is long. It is just how they arrive at getting kids to follow these rules which is different. Your child may carry this anxiety with to a variety of situations so might as well try to help her relax now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in APS and kids don’t sit in desks all day until 2nd. Where are you?

This is the DC public schools board.

My kid is in first grade at DCPS, and her class doesn't sit at their desks all day. AFAICT, they also don't lose recess time as a punishment, or have silent lunches, or use behavior charts. I think this is less about "DC schools are all too structured and academic in kindergarten" and more this particular school is not a good fit for my kid."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in APS and kids don’t sit in desks all day until 2nd. Where are you?

This is the DC public schools board.

My kid is in first grade at DCPS, and her class doesn't sit at their desks all day. AFAICT, they also don't lose recess time as a punishment, or have silent lunches, or use behavior charts. I think this is less about "DC schools are all too structured and academic in kindergarten" and more this particular school is not a good fit for my kid."

Thanks for letting me know that this is not common across all DC schools!
If you don’t mind sharing, what school is your child in?

[Anonymous]

My kid's charter also has silent lunch for the first 10 minutes. He is also struggling in K with not enough unstructured play time. I can empathize, OP. I wish I had a solution as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid's charter also has silent lunch for the first 10 minutes. He is also struggling in K with not enough unstructured play time. I can empathize, OP. I wish I had a solution as well.

Thank you for saying this! I talked to my kid today again... she seemed happy at pick up but then told me her day was so boring, with the exception of recess. :/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure that exists in DC. Not even in the private schools, really, at least not by 1st grade.

That was my concern...

Actually the non-parochial independent schools have a lot of free time / recess / creative time in all the early grades.

OP, have you looked into financial aid at these schools? Sheridan, Lowell, CHDS, Beauvoir, Burgundy....some have more financial aid than others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure that exists in DC. Not even in the private schools, really, at least not by 1st grade.

That was my concern...

Actually the non-parochial independent schools have a lot of free time / recess / creative time in all the early grades.

OP, have you looked into financial aid at these schools? Sheridan, Lowell, CHDS, Beauvoir, Burgundy....some have more financial aid than others.

So does CMI but OP’s kid is still struggling. Honestly OP, I do think you should have her assessed by a psychologists. Sounds like something deeper than not having enough recess at school.