Preschool, how important and how do people do this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How people do it is that they don't pay for both a full-time nanny and preschool--they put the children in a good play-based daycare program that has preschool components/programming for part of the day from ages 3+.

That doesn't sound like something you'd want to do--it sounds like you like and want to keep the nanny--but this is what most of the people I know do.

This. Nanny + preschool is for rich people. If you have to stop retirement savings to pay for the nanny, that is . . . not you.

[Anonymous]

I think some preschool (even 3 hours, twice a week) is a great introduction to kindergarten.

How to use a cubbie/storage area, and where to put your backpack. How to eat food at a table with other kids. How to listen to a teacher's instructions. How to follow a class schedule. How to get along with other kids you see regularly. How to be away from mom and nanny for a few hours (in the process, developing enough separation and independence to do real school).

These are all very important things to learn by five. My kids are older and I was a SAHM who sent my kids to preschool part-time (M, W, F 9-2) for a few years each. It was a great experience, and the kindergarten teacher didn't have to teach them all these things.

[Anonymous]

Are there no part time 2 day a week preschool options where you are? My kids go to a play based coop preschool that is like 120/month, but I do have to work in the classroom once or twice a month and serve on a committee. There are lots of family with nannies where the nannies do pick up/drop off and the parents do the volunteering.

I think being in a classroom setting, learning to share and sit for story time and separate from the caregiver are way more important than learning the ABCs. And you can’t really get that from library story time. I would keep looking for other preschools, specifically coops that keep prices low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I have to disagree with most of the other posters.

I agree that the nanny can teach all of the academics that would be covered in preschool but your DD would be missing the critical social and classroom time that is necessary before starting K. Learning how to sit through circle time, line up to go outside, listen to a variety of adults, share toys and materials with classmates, etc etc. I was a K teacher for 10 years and parents really underestimate the social prep kids need. I can teach reading and math to any kid that’s behind but for kids that don’t know the structure of a classroom it’s very obvious and they often struggle.

Genuine question. They will have the same struggle whenever they start though right? It would be an adjustment its just whether that happens at age 4 or age 5? I assume the kids are basically ok by first grade.

But wouldn’t you want them to learn this in a 3 hour morning preschool versus all day K.

Also, for those whose kids go to daycare I wouldn’t worry about not doing “preschool”. Most daycares are doing the same thing as the so called preschools for 3-4 year olds.

I mean ideally yes but I guess my question is is sparing her a difficult first two month of kindergarten worth stretching our family very thin?

OP, if you can’t spare a couple hundred dollars a month for part time church preschool, why on earth are you having a third kid? And your husband isn’t contributing to retirement to pay for nanny? Stop at 2. It’s all you can (barely!) afford!!!

No, as I explained earlier kind of, it is what we can afford responsibly. What we can afford while maintaining an emergency fund and contributing to retirement and not stretching the family thin. This would make me worried and cause us to move stuff around but it wouldn't be impossible or result in us being homeless or anything.

And this extraordinary cost will be gone in 5 years.

You stopped your husband's retirement contributions to pay for a nanny. And you think you're acting responsibly? A good friend of mine has a saying that applies here:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My bigger concern is that you're spending "every spare dollar" on your nanny, yet you're planning to have a third child. Unless you're expecting salary increases soon, how are you going to afford #3 if you can't even shell out an extra $300/mo to help your already born child prepare for K?

I feel like people are very cavalier about money on this board. We are not struggling, and I guess it is exaggerating to say every spare dollar goes to nanny. But currently our fixed monthly expenses are about 65% of our income. And that doesn't include food or household expenses or repairs.

I don't want to say that we cannot afford another $300 a month payment. I'm just not sure it is responsible to. It is not that we can't afford a third child. We just can't afford to have a third child and pay for them all to have a preschool experience. Or we could, but the family might struggle a bit. I think keeping the family fiscally comfortable ALSO provides a significant benefit to my daughter, although one much less solid.

I'm not trying to be argumentative. When PP put the math out there like that, I see what she's saying. In my mind adding another $300 a month is very stressful, but not really that much when you add it up for just one year. It has definitely put it in perspective and given me something to think about.

No offense, OP, but you have stopped your husband's retirement contributions in order to pay for this childcare situation. It's not that other arrangements wouldn't provide excellent childcare (and also much of the socialization you seem to wan now), it's that you really wanted a nanny, so you stopped making the retirement contributions that will do the most good in the long run. Now, you're talking about limiting *your* retirement contributions, as well - you blew by "responsible" a while ago, and you're headed towards lunacy.

You can't afford preschool. You can't really afford the nanny either. And you probably can't afford a third (although this is where a nanny does come in handy, at least initially, because there's only a limited cost to add a third - but you're talking about another 2 years of the nanny, and presumably no DH retirement contributions).

FWIW DH is going to be ramping back up on retirement next month. We had unexpected home repairs and travel obligations (family stuff) that required us to have to dip into our emergency fund last fall. We have rebuilt that and will resume his contributions in a month or two.

The nanny allows us to see our kids all day. We both work from home. My DD went to daycare from 6 months to 1.5 and I loved her daycare and she had a great experience there, but we have been able to be so much more present in their lives. It isn't about having a nanny as much as it is about having them at home. I have no problem with daycare at all conceptually. But we have just been THERE so much more for our son's milestones simply by being physically in the building. When he started walking I could come down for five minutes and help him every once in awhile, that kind of stuff. I think that provides value to the kids too.

[Anonymous]

OP - I think you're acting and thinking responsibly, and I'll only add another voice to the "your kid will be fine starting Kindergarten without having gone to formal preschool" posters. I would see if there are any drop off or structured classes that you or your nanny could get her involved in, even if just twice a week. I think it's worth the $300/month to do it -- and you don't have to do it for 12 months, just maybe the 6 months or so leading up to K. I have not BTDT but that's probably the route I'd take. My DD is in full day daycare (instead of preschool) and DS will start when I'm off of maternity leave.

My personal biggest concern would be separation anxiety, so I'd try to find programs that can help prepare her for that.

[Anonymous]

You are correct, OP, and I also WAH FT and DH works from home at least twice a week so we stretched for a nanny, too ( though never stopped retirement contributions!). And the kids started PT preschool at a co-op in a church basement at 3 and we kept the nanny. BUT, we stopped at 3 kids because we could not afford to do all this with 3 kids. I don’t understand how you seem to think kid #3 will not cost you anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are correct, OP, and I also WAH FT and DH works from home at least twice a week so we stretched for a nanny, too ( though never stopped retirement contributions!). And the kids started PT preschool at a co-op in a church basement at 3 and we kept the nanny. BUT, we stopped at 3 kids because we could not afford to do all this with 3 kids. I don’t understand how you seem to think kid #3 will not cost you anything.

I don't think they will cost nothing but adding #3 is not like starting from scratch. Especially with our nanny. We have all the stuff, I have clothing for boys and girls. There are long term costs like college but we are saving for that and they have very generous grandparents who have already significantly funded their 529s without taking into account our contributions. Diapers will be a net of zero as DD just stopped using them a few months ago. DS will be on his way out when baby comes. Biggest cost will be formula with is not insignificant but DD will be in K by then.

[Anonymous]

I think preschool is very important for K readiness. But I think you should be able to find a part time program for relatively cheap. If not a full time program, look at community classes that are like "preschool prep" and they are a drop off program for 2 hours.

I disagree that "library hour" is the same thing - not at all. You want your child to be in an unfamiliar setting and getting used to interacting with other kids and listening to other adults.

I think she will lag behind her peers if you don't send her to something!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think preschool is very important for K readiness. But I think you should be able to find a part time program for relatively cheap. If not a full time program, look at community classes that are like "preschool prep" and they are a drop off program for 2 hours.

I disagree that "library hour" is the same thing - not at all. You want your child to be in an unfamiliar setting and getting used to interacting with other kids and listening to other adults.

I think she will lag behind her peers if you don't send her to something!

To OP's earlier point, I think, there's no real denial that her daughter will be a bit behind at first, but the question is sort of "does that matter" and "behind for how long". Two questions I respect in this age of so many parents thinking their kid has to be at the top of everything. Sure, her DD may struggle a bit more with the adjustment to K than most of her peers, but is that alone reason for the family to stretch beyond their financial comfort zone. I don't think that lag is insurmountable, or even more of a couple of weeks transition -- akin to what many kids experience for the first time with preschool. Alone, the desire to prevent that short lag shouldn't compel a family to stretch beyond their comfort zone, in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are correct, OP, and I also WAH FT and DH works from home at least twice a week so we stretched for a nanny, too ( though never stopped retirement contributions!). And the kids started PT preschool at a co-op in a church basement at 3 and we kept the nanny. BUT, we stopped at 3 kids because we could not afford to do all this with 3 kids. I don’t understand how you seem to think kid #3 will not cost you anything.

I don't think they will cost nothing but adding #3 is not like starting from scratch. Especially with our nanny. We have all the stuff, I have clothing for boys and girls. There are long term costs like college but we are saving for that and they have very generous grandparents who have already significantly funded their 529s without taking into account our contributions. Diapers will be a net of zero as DD just stopped using them a few months ago. DS will be on his way out when baby comes. Biggest cost will be formula with is not insignificant but DD will be in K by then.

JFC - it is two more whole years of the nanny. Conservatively, it's an extra $50,000, and that's if you pay your nanny a ridiculously low amount.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are correct, OP, and I also WAH FT and DH works from home at least twice a week so we stretched for a nanny, too ( though never stopped retirement contributions!). And the kids started PT preschool at a co-op in a church basement at 3 and we kept the nanny. BUT, we stopped at 3 kids because we could not afford to do all this with 3 kids. I don’t understand how you seem to think kid #3 will not cost you anything.

I don't think they will cost nothing but adding #3 is not like starting from scratch. Especially with our nanny. We have all the stuff, I have clothing for boys and girls. There are long term costs like college but we are saving for that and they have very generous grandparents who have already significantly funded their 529s without taking into account our contributions. Diapers will be a net of zero as DD just stopped using them a few months ago. DS will be on his way out when baby comes. Biggest cost will be formula with is not insignificant but DD will be in K by then.

JFC - it is two more whole years of the nanny. Conservatively, it's an extra $50,000, and that's if you pay your nanny a ridiculously low amount.

The local community daycare program starts at age 3. When #3 turns 3 (theoretically) we would put them into the community preschool full day program for age 3 and 4 and some aftercare because agreed it would not make sense to pay for a nanny for a single child and most of the benefits of being at home with us all the time start to fade a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are correct, OP, and I also WAH FT and DH works from home at least twice a week so we stretched for a nanny, too ( though never stopped retirement contributions!). And the kids started PT preschool at a co-op in a church basement at 3 and we kept the nanny. BUT, we stopped at 3 kids because we could not afford to do all this with 3 kids. I don’t understand how you seem to think kid #3 will not cost you anything.

I don't think they will cost nothing but adding #3 is not like starting from scratch. Especially with our nanny. We have all the stuff, I have clothing for boys and girls. There are long term costs like college but we are saving for that and they have very generous grandparents who have already significantly funded their 529s without taking into account our contributions. Diapers will be a net of zero as DD just stopped using them a few months ago. DS will be on his way out when baby comes. Biggest cost will be formula with is not insignificant but DD will be in K by then.

JFC - it is two more whole years of the nanny. Conservatively, it's an extra $50,000, and that's if you pay your nanny a ridiculously low amount.

The local community daycare program starts at age 3. When #3 turns 3 (theoretically) we would put them into the community preschool full day program for age 3 and 4 and some aftercare because agreed it would not make sense to pay for a nanny for a single child and most of the benefits of being at home with us all the time start to fade a bit.

Also that is a lifetime cost not a month to month cost. The difficulty here isn't overall with our salaries, it is with the high costs of trying to do all of it at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think preschool is very important for K readiness. But I think you should be able to find a part time program for relatively cheap. If not a full time program, look at community classes that are like "preschool prep" and they are a drop off program for 2 hours.

I disagree that "library hour" is the same thing - not at all. You want your child to be in an unfamiliar setting and getting used to interacting with other kids and listening to other adults.

I think she will lag behind her peers if you don't send her to something!

To OP's earlier point, I think, there's no real denial that her daughter will be a bit behind at first, but the question is sort of "does that matter" and "behind for how long". Two questions I respect in this age of so many parents thinking their kid has to be at the top of everything. Sure, her DD may struggle a bit more with the adjustment to K than most of her peers, but is that alone reason for the family to stretch beyond their financial comfort zone. I don't think that lag is insurmountable, or even more of a couple of weeks transition -- akin to what many kids experience for the first time with preschool. Alone, the desire to prevent that short lag shouldn't compel a family to stretch beyond their comfort zone, in my opinion.

Thank you yes! I feel like I'm not as bad a person as people are making me out to be... this is exactly what I'm trying to get at!

[Anonymous]

I’m a preschool teacher (at a part-day church houses play based preschool). Here’s my 2 cents: I think whether or not your child will have a successful transition to Kindergarten without any preschool entirely depends on the personality of your child. If your child is generally a good listener to both parents and nanny and grandparents, this is a pro. If your child has an average to good attention span for preferred activities and a decent attention span to non-preferred activities, then this is another pro. If she can listen to a book being read to her without interrupting. If she handle disappointment when she doesn’t get her way. If she can share toys with neighbor peers (not just her siblings) then this is a pro. If she can do most of the above, she will likely be okay in kindergarten.