Is your pta welcoming?

[Anonymous]

Ours is terrible.

I found some committees that are all men and joined those.

[Anonymous]

Wow - where are these awful PTAs? I have had two kids in five schools so far, and nowhere did we see this drama. Parents come to the meetings and volunteer as needed, which is always welcome. Or they come to the meetings and don't volunteer, which is fine too. Or they send money and don't do anything else - also fine. Or they don't belong to the PTA at all, and nobody cares. I was in all those scenarios, and on the board of a few. Never had anyone time for drama - we were there to get stuff done in the most efficient way possible so we could get back to our jobs, kids, lives. Nobody had time to dwell on how any particular person perceived their "reception". Get over yourself, OP. Either volunteer, or don't. If you want warm and fuzzy, form a book club or a support group. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PTA in my child's school is absolutely criminal (lots of missing $$), but everyone is too afraid of them to do anything.

Our PTA did too.

It’s pretty common because the people who run these things are idiots, and no one wants to challenge them because most other people have lives (and would rather spend money on their own kids).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow - where are these awful PTAs? I have had two kids in five schools so far, and nowhere did we see this drama. Parents come to the meetings and volunteer as needed, which is always welcome. Or they come to the meetings and don't volunteer, which is fine too. Or they send money and don't do anything else - also fine. Or they don't belong to the PTA at all, and nobody cares. I was in all those scenarios, and on the board of a few. Never had anyone time for drama - we were there to get stuff done in the most efficient way possible so we could get back to our jobs, kids, lives. Nobody had time to dwell on how any particular person perceived their "reception". Get over yourself, OP. Either volunteer, or don't. If you want warm and fuzzy, form a book club or a support group. Done.

This is hilarious. You spend sentences talking about how awesome and accepting your PTA was and then end up telling OP that they're expecting too much to be treated civilly and suggest therapy. Is it possible you're part of the problem OP's describing?

The reason that PTA snobbishness is of note is not because people are looking for BFFs or unconditional positive regard, it's that parents who want to volunteer are boxed out and treated rudely by the mostly SAHMs who run the things. Most of us are big girls and boys who can handle cool civility or even cold efficiency, it's the stupid shit like being ignored when one speaks or having adults act like Regina George that is off-putting. And it's odd to encounter that level of immaturity trying to pitch in at your kids' school, from people who moan about how much they're doing and how no one else will help them.

[Anonymous]

Keep in mind that some people just know each other better. Keep going and you'll make some friends too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - where are these awful PTAs? I have had two kids in five schools so far, and nowhere did we see this drama. Parents come to the meetings and volunteer as needed, which is always welcome. Or they come to the meetings and don't volunteer, which is fine too. Or they send money and don't do anything else - also fine. Or they don't belong to the PTA at all, and nobody cares. I was in all those scenarios, and on the board of a few. Never had anyone time for drama - we were there to get stuff done in the most efficient way possible so we could get back to our jobs, kids, lives. Nobody had time to dwell on how any particular person perceived their "reception". Get over yourself, OP. Either volunteer, or don't. If you want warm and fuzzy, form a book club or a support group. Done.

This is hilarious. You spend sentences talking about how awesome and accepting your PTA was and then end up telling OP that they're expecting too much to be treated civilly and suggest therapy. Is it possible you're part of the problem OP's describing?

The reason that PTA snobbishness is of note is not because people are looking for BFFs or unconditional positive regard, it's that parents who want to volunteer are boxed out and treated rudely by the mostly SAHMs who run the things. Most of us are big girls and boys who can handle cool civility or even cold efficiency, it's the stupid shit like being ignored when one speaks or having adults act like Regina George that is off-putting. And it's odd to encounter that level of immaturity trying to pitch in at your kids' school, from people who moan about how much they're doing and how no one else will help them.

I didn't say the PTA was awesome. I said nobody had time for drama. We were there to do a job, and we did it. If you like it, join. If not, don't. PTAs are not book clubs where you go to make friends and have a good time. You go to work on things that the schools/teachers/kids need. OP didn't say anyone was rude to her. Just not welcoming enough.

Also, in my experience most of the PTA moms work. Very few SAHMs filled board positions on any of the PTAs I was ever involved in. Which probably helps explain why nobody had time to disparage each other and form cliques. Most of the time it was "let's get this thing done in the most efficient way possible so we can get home to make dinner, supervise homework, or get to the office on time".

[Anonymous]

“PTAs are not book clubs where you go to make friends and have a good time.”

Eh...there’s a balance. If people feel welcomed they are likely to want to participate more to draw closer to the group. If they are kind of talked at while the agenda’s quickly run down - not so much. One kids’ school I do not go to any PTA meetings anymore as they are simply status reports of info that is mostly shared via email by the school too - they do not seem to be opportunities for getting input on things. I still will do some sign up genius stints but i’m Much less likely to volunteer for something big if I am not regularly at the events to get familiar with things.

[Anonymous]

I think what happens is the PTA president and a few others work all summer and make decisions. Then, to appear like they are inclusive of the PTA, they put on the act of soliciting question and input. But if they get any, they get mad and frustrated because they have worked hard and do not want to be second guessed. So then they appear cold. I finally realized it was better to not try to help beyond sign up for specific thing like time slots for the fun fair. I am fine with that, but they shoukd probably just stop having fake meetings where they pretend to decide things that are already decided.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In what context were you ignored? Did you try to talk to people and then walked away from you without acknowledging you? Did they refuse to call on you when you raised your hand with a question during the meeting?

I'm the PP you're responding to. Although, at I was 43 at the time had had enough experience to know when I'm being shown I'm not welcome, I'll respond to your question. When I walked in to the library where the meeting was held, no one acknowledged me even though I made eye contact with several people. They look at me and then their glances 'slid' away. I went to a table where there were 4 people sitting and 3 empty seats. I sat at the table and waited for a pause in the conversation to say hello. When I did, they paused, looked at me, looked at each other and then said hello. They then moved their chairs a little further from me, bringing them closer to each other, made no further effort to speak with me and did not look in my direction the rest of the night. They also did not pass any of the handouts to me and I had to pointedly ask for one of the handouts and had to ask another table for another when they passed the papers to that table without giving me one.

At the next meeting, I sat at a different table with a different group. The behavior was very similar. So, yeah, I was ignored. I didn't bother raising my hand to speak. The next PTA president was radically different and the atmosphere far more encouraging and welcoming.

Well that was snide. Perhaps the same winning personality you’ve shown here is why people weren’t interested in chatting you up at the PTA meeting.

You were the one that was snide by dismissing the PP's experience. She just schooled you and your fellow harpies.

[Anonymous]

Ok now everyone on this thread (especially those feeling dissed) go watch American Housewife, seasons 1 and 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

In what context were you ignored? Did you try to talk to people and then walked away from you without acknowledging you? Did they refuse to call on you when you raised your hand with a question during the meeting?

I'm the PP you're responding to. Although, at I was 43 at the time had had enough experience to know when I'm being shown I'm not welcome, I'll respond to your question. When I walked in to the library where the meeting was held, no one acknowledged me even though I made eye contact with several people. They look at me and then their glances 'slid' away. I went to a table where there were 4 people sitting and 3 empty seats. I sat at the table and waited for a pause in the conversation to say hello. When I did, they paused, looked at me, looked at each other and then said hello. They then moved their chairs a little further from me, bringing them closer to each other, made no further effort to speak with me and did not look in my direction the rest of the night. They also did not pass any of the handouts to me and I had to pointedly ask for one of the handouts and had to ask another table for another when they passed the papers to that table without giving me one.

At the next meeting, I sat at a different table with a different group. The behavior was very similar. So, yeah, I was ignored. I didn't bother raising my hand to speak. The next PTA president was radically different and the atmosphere far more encouraging and welcoming.

Cringe-worthy, ugh! And these things really do happen. And then they cry about being the only ones who work hard on creating community spirit. It's really a mean girls' magnet for some reason. What I don't understand is where all the money goes. Do you get to see the spreadsheets with spending? Not just the bullet-point list of what they did, but itemized expense sheets.

[Anonymous]

They are nice if you want to volunteer and buy membership and donate things. And when you don’t, the move on to being fake with the next Mom. It’s pretty cliquish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PTAs are to do things for the kids and teaches. I think it is awfully high maintenance to complain that you weren't treated with the right amount of enthusiastic deference. You aren't doing them a favor just by showing up.

You forgot to add they just do it for their kids and their teachers. You know, brown nosing the administration and other essential staff to get their kids all the perks they can. Let's not pretend--others can see and understand that. I think this is the main reason they don't welcome new people--the scarce resources have been apportioned and need to be maintained in the hands of the powers that be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In what context were you ignored? Did you try to talk to people and then walked away from you without acknowledging you? Did they refuse to call on you when you raised your hand with a question during the meeting?

I'm the PP you're responding to. Although, at I was 43 at the time had had enough experience to know when I'm being shown I'm not welcome, I'll respond to your question. When I walked in to the library where the meeting was held, no one acknowledged me even though I made eye contact with several people. They look at me and then their glances 'slid' away. I went to a table where there were 4 people sitting and 3 empty seats. I sat at the table and waited for a pause in the conversation to say hello. When I did, they paused, looked at me, looked at each other and then said hello. They then moved their chairs a little further from me, bringing them closer to each other, made no further effort to speak with me and did not look in my direction the rest of the night. They also did not pass any of the handouts to me and I had to pointedly ask for one of the handouts and had to ask another table for another when they passed the papers to that table without giving me one.

At the next meeting, I sat at a different table with a different group. The behavior was very similar. So, yeah, I was ignored. I didn't bother raising my hand to speak. The next PTA president was radically different and the atmosphere far more encouraging and welcoming.

It’s rather strange to respond to this tread from 2019.

Cringe-worthy, ugh! And these things really do happen. And then they cry about being the only ones who work hard on creating community spirit. It's really a mean girls' magnet for some reason. What I don't understand is where all the money goes. Do you get to see the spreadsheets with spending? Not just the bullet-point list of what they did, but itemized expense sheets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In what context were you ignored? Did you try to talk to people and then walked away from you without acknowledging you? Did they refuse to call on you when you raised your hand with a question during the meeting?

I'm the PP you're responding to. Although, at I was 43 at the time had had enough experience to know when I'm being shown I'm not welcome, I'll respond to your question. When I walked in to the library where the meeting was held, no one acknowledged me even though I made eye contact with several people. They look at me and then their glances 'slid' away. I went to a table where there were 4 people sitting and 3 empty seats. I sat at the table and waited for a pause in the conversation to say hello. When I did, they paused, looked at me, looked at each other and then said hello. They then moved their chairs a little further from me, bringing them closer to each other, made no further effort to speak with me and did not look in my direction the rest of the night. They also did not pass any of the handouts to me and I had to pointedly ask for one of the handouts and had to ask another table for another when they passed the papers to that table without giving me one.

At the next meeting, I sat at a different table with a different group. The behavior was very similar. So, yeah, I was ignored. I didn't bother raising my hand to speak. The next PTA president was radically different and the atmosphere far more encouraging and welcoming.

It’s rather strange to respond to this tread from 2019.

Cringe-worthy, ugh! And these things really do happen. And then they cry about being the only ones who work hard on creating community spirit. It's really a mean girls' magnet for some reason. What I don't understand is where all the money goes. Do you get to see the spreadsheets with spending? Not just the bullet-point list of what they did, but itemized expense sheets.

strange? why? threads get revived all the time. it would have been strange to revive a social distancing thread from 2020, but a general question about pta - why is it strange?