Nd advice-would you allow your 12 year old DD to walk around a huge mall alone or with a friend?

[Anonymous]

My DD will be 12 in a few months. At first, I would go to the mall with them and give a time for meetups or leaving. But, I would stay and mall and they would walk around.

Now, after doing that a few times, I just drop them off. We talked about some of the issues being flagged here. But, I'm comfortable with it for a couple of hours.

[Anonymous]

I would not let her go alone at that age. But I would take her and a friend and stay. I would probably walk with them for awhile and then split up, giving them specific instructions as to where to meet, them staying together (I tell my dd that when one goes to the bathroom, they both go to the bathroom.) And have she and the friend know that if I call or text they better respond.

In a mall that size, I would do it only during the day. I've been to malls around here that as an adult, I am uncomfortable being there after 7 on a Saturday night. There's just too many people, too much going on, too many teens out of control, etc.

Is she familiar with the mall? If not, I'd do a smaller mall first and then go as a family to MOA and get used to it -- like what stores are where, where the safer bathrooms are, food locations, etc. so that everyone feels comfortable.

My dd actually likes me going with them, because I have money and she doesn't.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't know if your daughter and her friend specifically are trustworthy enough to walk around the Mall of America, which is very big. It seems like this depends a lot on the kids.

BUT if your concern is based on the idea that sex trafficking of girls walking around malls is a real concern, you are just wrong about that. Crime rates of all types, including violent crime and crimes against children, are DOWN significantly from when we were young. There is a lot of attention paid in the media to the VERY rare instances where children are kidnapped by strangers, but it is extraordinarily rare. Your DD is much, much more likely to be killed in a car accident on the way to the mall than sex trafficked once she's there.

Here is some actual crime data: http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2019/01/03/5-facts-about-crime-in-the-u-s/

[Anonymous]

At 7th grade (which is when my DD was 12 and 13) I was taking her and a friend to the mall and giving them two hours before we'd meet up - things like that. But the key for me is that I didn't let her go with just any friend - only the friends I trusted not to shoplift.

[Anonymous]

If you or Dad is in the mall with a cell phone, then it depends on the child, but yes.

[Anonymous]

Of course I would! I loved going to the mall at that age. And we did not have cell phones. My mom would allow me to take a bus to Tyson's Corner mall by myself.

[Anonymous]

OP, and others who say no, is the fear trafficking? Other things?

[Anonymous]

OP says “times are different” and mentions trafficking. The truth is that times are far safer now and trafficking is recognized and noticed. Trafficking overall has come down as there are fewer runaways. Plus, the MoA is full of cameras, everywhere.

[Anonymous]

I'm super lax and let my kids start riding the Metro to DC starting at 12 to venture on their own (we live in VA). I also let them walk 1 mile (round trip) to the nearest shopping center with a Starbucks and Sweet Frog with their friends. I also have no issues with her riding the Metro (even alone) to Tyson's mall to shop.

I would NOT allow this at the MOA. I've been several times and it's like Tyson's on Christmas Eve times 1000 in terms of busy. It's packed with tourists and people just don't pay as much attention to their surroundings there as at other malls. I can definitely see how it would be possible for a 12 year old to get snatched there and no one see anything or notice. It's also a difficult mall to navigate if not familiar with it. I was with a group of family members and it took us several tries to meet up once we split up.

What if you went but kept a distance? Followed them and waited outside of stores and attractions and just didn't interact with them unless absolutely necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I trailed along with DD and her friend at that age, but didn't interact too much with them. A year or so later I sat down in the mall with a book to read and had her text every 20 minutes or so and also come in person. She thought that was draconian but them's the rules.

This is a nice combination of “overprotective” and finding a way within that to let the kid have some freedom. She could text subtly.

No. It's bordering on crazy for 13 almost 14 year olds. At any rate, NOTHING that parent is doing is preventing the mostly imaginary fear of kidnapping. At best, it is shortening the response time to an event, but barely.

[Anonymous]

Yes, of course. But by the time my kids hit 12, we’d been talking about the potential perils of sex traffickers, drugs, etc for a very long time, so I had confidence that the kids were as well-prepared for the world as they could be.

I always had fun as a tween/teen hanging out at the mall with my friends. Why would deprive my kids the same opportunity, especially given how much safer the world is now than it was then?

[Anonymous]

Yes if one of them is very familiar with the space, and if dd has some street smarts. I tell my dd to look mad or like she has attitude and walk with confidence.

I also think it would be best if you were in the mall somewhere and had a few scheduled check-ins.

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine. The first time, I might hang out in the food court and have them meet me back there. I would want them to leave by 7:00pm.

[Anonymous]

How many child abductions have taken place at MOA? This is the type of crime that would definitely be reported, and they're required to keep statistics on it.

[Anonymous]

To all the PPs saying yes, if she’s familiar with that mall must not have read the OP. It’s mall of America. No one is familiar with mall of America, at least not at 12.

Regular mall, possibly. MOA, no way.