How to show up for a friend whose child is having major surgery

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could help manage a caring bridge website. When my babies were in the hospital one of the most draining things was updating people on their status. After a long day in the hospital I didn't want to talk about it anymore so if there is a way you can provide and manage that information that might be helpful.

+1 to this. I am the pp whose DH was in the hospital Ye gods, the talking I did while he was ill. I talked on the phone more in that 2 weeks than I had in the past two years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just because they have an au pair doesn't mean they have full time child care coverage. Au pairs are only suppose to work a certain amount of time. Offer to take the kids at home for a play date or out to a movie. Something that will feel fun and special for the ones at home. Those kids will probably understand why Mom and Dad are focused on the baby but will need some TLC of their own. They will be worried and having some special attention paid to them would be great for them and I am sure well received by the parents.

I would also suggest when offering a play date to say “we are free these days, when can larlo come over? We will pick up and drop off.” We had a second kid and so many families offered to take our oldest when the baby came but the friend who said they will pick up our son, which of these dates work for you, was the one I felt comfortable taking them up on their offer. Reaching out to the other families to say “hey can you take DS this sat” felt like an imposition.

[Anonymous]

My best friend brought me a birthday cake when my son had heart surgery. I remember just sobbing. She took me out to lunch and it was nice. I didn’t tell many people about the surgery. A year later, I told people and they had no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friend brought me a birthday cake when my son had heart surgery. I remember just sobbing. She took me out to lunch and it was nice. I didn’t tell many people about the surgery. A year later, I told people and they had no idea.

This sounds like me. I just don't advertise things like this, so most people wouldn't even know if I or a family member was in the hospital.

[Anonymous]

If the baby will be in a room, recommend some little decoratations. Some family pictures, a balloon once or twice when you go visit. If you have kids that know the family, have them make a card to bring. Also, I know some people set up vigils when baby's in hospital and some a bit less intense. Ask if you can take a shift being their with the baby for however long you can. If you r visiting, even for 15 min so the parent can go get a breath of fresh air, longer if you need.

[Anonymous]

I would connect with the friend and ask what they would like. You never know what they may say may be helpful to them that you wouldn't think of. They also may be a private sort that doesn't want much. I would just make sure you connect with them daily to check on them, see how they are, see what they need but have no expectations. Everyone manages these situations differently.