How to show up for a friend whose child is having major surgery

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It meant the world to me when my best friends showed up at the hospital when my child was hospitalized. They brought a meal, cheesy celebrity magazines for me to read and just sat with us and chatted.

Just be sure the ACTUAL PATIENT ADMITTED TO THE HOSPITAL is okay with you being there. I was in the hospital for two weeks and my mother had an endless parade of friends visiting. I was 9, knew I looked like crap, didn't care, and didn't want visitors. I wanted to sleep and watch mindless tv. I did not want my mother trying to make me sit up so she could brush my hair and get it "manageable" because her friend was coming by in a few minutes. I did not want my mother hissing at me that I was rude because I fell asleep while her friend was there.

Haha, my MIL brought by her random friends (some of whom I'd never met before) when I was recovering from giving birth.

[Anonymous]

I also got my best friend a housecleaning service for right before they got home, but we were pretty close in order to make that happen (her mom helped me get the maid the key to their house). You could probably do it in a less clandestine manner, but she said it was amazing coming home to a clean house.

[Anonymous]

People have some great ideas. I spent two weeks in the hospital with my spouse last summer. The things we needed:

-Pillows and blankets. The hospital stuff was the pits.
-REAL hygiene items. Lotion, soap, dental items, shampoo, etc. PPs are right about the institutional showers - it helps when you have real items and not the hospital stuff.
-Sugar packets, non dairy creamer, snacks.
-Ask if they need any office supplies. They will get copious amounts of paper - we ended up with a binder to put stuff in.
-Try to go by at least weekly, and bring some food. It doesn't need to be homemade, but the hospital stuff if gross.
-Books, magazines, other reading material.
-Ditto to the housecleaning service. We ended up doing weekly cleaners after he was discharged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also got my best friend a housecleaning service for right before they got home, but we were pretty close in order to make that happen (her mom helped me get the maid the key to their house). You could probably do it in a less clandestine manner, but she said it was amazing coming home to a clean house.

Love this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It meant the world to me when my best friends showed up at the hospital when my child was hospitalized. They brought a meal, cheesy celebrity magazines for me to read and just sat with us and chatted.

Just be sure the ACTUAL PATIENT ADMITTED TO THE HOSPITAL is okay with you being there. I was in the hospital for two weeks and my mother had an endless parade of friends visiting. I was 9, knew I looked like crap, didn't care, and didn't want visitors. I wanted to sleep and watch mindless tv. I did not want my mother trying to make me sit up so she could brush my hair and get it "manageable" because her friend was coming by in a few minutes. I did not want my mother hissing at me that I was rude because I fell asleep while her friend was there.

Haha, my MIL brought by her random friends (some of whom I'd never met before) when I was recovering from giving birth.

This patient is a baby.

[Anonymous]

When you visit make it clear, "If you want to talk about how you are feeling and unload on me, here is my ear and my shoulder. But I'm going to talk about light, fluffy things not because I don't care. But because sometimes you just need the distraction."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At the hospital (if they are camped out there), provide take out or a homemade meal. If the child knows you and will tolerate it, come and be there at the hospital for 45 minutes while mom/dad takes a shower or makes phone calls. Or goes to the bathroom. Bring freshly laundered clothes to the hospital.[/quote]

I would feel funny about this unless you are a family member!

[Anonymous]

Lotion/cream!!! When I am in the hospital, I always feel so dry.

nice comfy slippers to wear in the hospital

portable phone charger

[Anonymous]

How close of a friend are you OP? As in a BFF or more like the fellow neighborhood mom at the bus stop you chit chat with each morning? I ask b/c some people are weird about really personal family medical stuff. Does she even want you there?
Maybe she doesn't want outsiders until, say, 2 or 3 weeks post surgery when the dust has settled and everything looks to be stable and going well (and it's more of a waiting game to be discharged...that is when she might most want the company).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How close of a friend are you OP? As in a BFF or more like the fellow neighborhood mom at the bus stop you chit chat with each morning? I ask b/c some people are weird about really personal family medical stuff. Does she even want you there?
Maybe she doesn't want outsiders until, say, 2 or 3 weeks post surgery when the dust has settled and everything looks to be stable and going well (and it's more of a waiting game to be discharged...that is when she might most want the company).

We are super close friends - visited all 3 of her babies Jin the hospital when they were born.

[Anonymous]

Op here- love these ideas!

[Anonymous]

My son was in the hospital for a week and my bestie came everyday for about 30 min to an hour. She brought my fave candy or toiletries or yummy carry out. She always callled first and asked “what can I get you from ____?” I am the type of person who tends to respond with “nothing I am fine” if you ask me if I need anything. I loved that she chose the store or restaurant and phrased it that way. It prompted me to just accept the help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just because they have an au pair doesn't mean they have full time child care coverage. Au pairs are only suppose to work a certain amount of time. Offer to take the kids at home for a play date or out to a movie. Something that will feel fun and special for the ones at home. Those kids will probably understand why Mom and Dad are focused on the baby but will need some TLC of their own. They will be worried and having some special attention paid to them would be great for them and I am sure well received by the parents.

Only if the parents feel comfortable with this. They might not as you are not their childrens’ usual caregiver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It meant the world to me when my best friends showed up at the hospital when my child was hospitalized. They brought a meal, cheesy celebrity magazines for me to read and just sat with us and chatted.

Just be sure the ACTUAL PATIENT ADMITTED TO THE HOSPITAL is okay with you being there. I was in the hospital for two weeks and my mother had an endless parade of friends visiting. I was 9, knew I looked like crap, didn't care, and didn't want visitors. I wanted to sleep and watch mindless tv. I did not want my mother trying to make me sit up so she could brush my hair and get it "manageable" because her friend was coming by in a few minutes. I did not want my mother hissing at me that I was rude because I fell asleep while her friend was there.

Geez - your mother was a self centered piece of work. Raging narcissist or what?

[Anonymous]

You could help manage a caring bridge website. When my babies were in the hospital one of the most draining things was updating people on their status. After a long day in the hospital I didn't want to talk about it anymore so if there is a way you can provide and manage that information that might be helpful.