If one parent SAH or works limited hours, what is division of labor?

[Anonymous]

DH works full time mostly from home, and I SAH. We outsource cleaning, laundry and most yard work/gardening and household repairs. (He finds/supervises the gardening/yard folks.) DH likes to cook and does about 75% of the cooking and 50% of the kid-driving. I do everything else: shopping, organizing, scheduling, financial tasks, maintaining cars, taking care of pets, bedtime, help with homework, whatever it is that needs attention. (Yesterday both the internet and the alarm system were broken--I spent the whole day on the phone troubleshooting both.) I have a lot to do, but I can do it on my own schedule, more or less, and have time for friends, hobbies, volunteering. (Kids are school aged.) Phone-tech-support misery aside, I have no complaints.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I SAH. DH works in big law.

I do almost everything with regard to the house, chores, etc, including yardwork etc. BUT we have enough money that I can outsource quite a bit.

DH and I are 50/50 WITH the kids, when we are both home.

This. My DH is also biglaw and I stay home. I manage the household and do the laundry/grocieries/calendaring/meals, but we have a lawn service (mowing/weeding/mulching), maid, and don't DIY a ton of home repairs. But DH is 50/50 with the kids (or maybe a little more) when he is home.

OK, my DH also in biglaw, but he is NOT 50/50 with the kids when he is home (and I work FT, but a normal 40 hr job). Do your DH's not get last minute calls/assignments/emails? Or do they go back into the office for those? Or am I taking your words "when he is home" too literally and you mean when he is not working?

FWIW, my DH is a partner, so it's not like he is junior and gets assignments, but when he gets a note from a client he is super responsive so I feel like DH is always on call. As a result the division of labor is like 95/5 because he can't reliably commit to doing that much housework or child care (we have young kids) and I don't want stuff dumped on me at the last minute (like grocery shopping) because a client called as he was walking out the door and now we won't have stuff for the kids' lunches.

NP. My DH is an equity partner, and like some of these other posters, we are 50/50 with the kids (sometimes he does more with them) when he's home, and I manage 95% of everything else but outsource enough that it's totally reasonable and fair (I SAH).

DH has always said that he couldn't do his job if he weren't very good at establishing boundaries. Just like he wouldn't immediately return a call if he were in an important meeting, or on a call with another client, he won't immediately respond if he's "on" with the kids (with a couple rare exceptions annually).

Seems a bit like BS if he's dumping stuff on you just because a call rolls in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Easy question. I do everything. My husband took me to his home country and I never complained about housework again. They do not have washers, dryers or dishwashers over there.

Sahm

What home country is that? No washers? Wtf. Third world?

[Anonymous]

I SAH. I do almost everything and outsource whatever I don’t want to do. Spouse usually does bath/bedtime when home. When he is home, he does whatever he can to take some stuff off my plate. But I definitely have the easier part. I have worked in biglaw and I now stay home. Staying home is so much easier and more pleasant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I SAH. I do almost everything and outsource whatever I don’t want to do. Spouse usually does bath/bedtime when home. When he is home, he does whatever he can to take some stuff off my plate. But I definitely have the easier part. I have worked in biglaw and I now stay home. Staying home is so much easier and more pleasant.

As for outsourcing, I have a house cleaner who comes every other week, we have someone who mows the lawn and I have a part time babysitter with regular hours. I do all of the laundry, general daily cleaning/picking up, handle everything child related (school stuff, after school stuff, social stuff, homework), do all of the shopping (grocery and otherwise) and all meal prep and preparation. I cook dinner most nights but sometimes get takeout or we go out. My kids would say I make them dinner all of the time. I think my life is pretty easy. I have time to exercise, I volunteer teach something I find meaningful, have time to meet a friend for coffee easily and volunteer any school for my kids.

[Anonymous]

I was a SAHM, worked 35 hours/week for 2 years and am cutting that in half starting next week. My husband works roughly 60 hours a week.
DH:
Takes out trash, washes and folds linens and his laundry, does the costco run, preps coffee every night, load and unloads dishwasher a few times per week, walks son to school, takes son to doctor and dentist appointments

I do all other laundry, all the cleaning, cook, pay bills, pick up from school, buy gifts and cards, post office and other errands.

[Anonymous]

I SAH. All my kids are now in school. I do all shopping, cooking, cleaning and the laundry for DH and I. Kids do their own laundry (I help the younger ones) too - and they all have cleaning chores - they clean up the kitchen after dinner and sometimes help cook and they take out garbage and clean bathrooms and cut the lawn. I do all appointment and party type planning.

We have pretty traditional gender roles. DH does all the repairs and work around the house and deals with the cars and the lawn mower / snowblower and any other appliance or repair or house related task. This summer he spent all his free time building a deck and rebuilding the front porch. He deals with everything tech related and most of the finances. He deals with animals and anything heavy or awkward.

We share chauffeuring the kids to and from sports and extracurriculars. He coaches two of their teams and is out with a kid 4 evenings a week as well as Saturdays.

It works for us. I get a lot done during the day so that in the evening it isn't as hectic. Our Saturdays tend to be jam packed but we try and keep Sunday as a more relaxed day.

[Anonymous]

^ oh forgot to add, he does all the academic homework, I do the arts and crafts type homework

[Anonymous]

I work 15-20 hours a week from home. We generally split housework 50/50, but don’t have a chore list. I do end up doing all the medical/dental/school/nanny interviews/appts/taxes and scheduling. I also hire and schedule lawn mowing & whole house cleaning 2x month.

Dh cooks a few meals a week, cleans the kitchen (thoroughly) a couple days a week, always puts toddler to bed, grocery shops more often, takes toddler to school or gym class usually.

I cook a lot (three hot meals a day) so that is a lot of kitchen cleaning. We often run our dishwasher full twice a day.

We have a 2.5 yo and a 6 month old who I breastfeed. I read somewhere that if you add up breastfeeding hours it equates to almost a full time job! It certainly feels like it.

I have a nanny for 20-25 hours a week and a morning preschool for the toddler.

We struggle but know we have a lot of advantages. We have dropped the ball on things like car maintenance and our own dr appts but will hopefully get back on the ball as the baby gets more independent. And yes, Some days I don’t shower or brush my teeth until both kids are asleep!

We know (hope) it will be a lot easier in a few years. We are both feds but bought near annapolis to be able to afford my part time status. I plan to stay part time through elementary at least.

[Anonymous]

I love how stay at home moms claim stuff takes all day that a WOHM can do in 20 mins. Whatever helps you justify...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work 15-20 hours a week from home. We generally split housework 50/50, but don’t have a chore list. I do end up doing all the medical/dental/school/nanny interviews/appts/taxes and scheduling. I also hire and schedule lawn mowing & whole house cleaning 2x month.

Dh cooks a few meals a week, cleans the kitchen (thoroughly) a couple days a week, always puts toddler to bed, grocery shops more often, takes toddler to school or gym class usually.

I cook a lot (three hot meals a day) so that is a lot of kitchen cleaning. We often run our dishwasher full twice a day.

We have a 2.5 yo and a 6 month old who I breastfeed. I read somewhere that if you add up breastfeeding hours it equates to almost a full time job! It certainly feels like it.

I have a nanny for 20-25 hours a week and a morning preschool for the toddler.

We struggle but know we have a lot of advantages. We have dropped the ball on things like car maintenance and our own dr appts but will hopefully get back on the ball as the baby gets more independent. And yes, Some days I don’t shower or brush my teeth until both kids are asleep!

We know (hope) it will be a lot easier in a few years. We are both feds but bought near annapolis to be able to afford my part time status. I plan to stay part time through elementary at least.

Omg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love how stay at home moms claim stuff takes all day that a WOHM can do in 20 mins. Whatever helps you justify...

Hmmm, maybe having the child there all day undoing it all and also interacting with them? Not having a housekeeper and all day childcare/school?
Fellow WOH mom responding ...and the attitude and 20 mins line is clearly you having a bad day. Let’s both get back to work and can the snide?