How to get my dad to factor in cost of attending?

[Anonymous]

OP, you may not be able to get her to "accept" it but you can tell her that you won't fund it. She doesn't have to agree with you for you to establish limits.

[Anonymous]

The alternative to laying out your finances to her is to simply say no. As in: no, you will not pay for any portion of her attending Boston College. The reason is because to pay for the rest, she would have to take on exorbitant debt, and you can't contribute to that situation in good conscience.

You should have had one or the other of these conversations before she applied, but there's no time like the present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always told DD not to worry about college costs, but my junior Dd, 1400 SATs, 4.2 w gpa is not factoring the cost of attending college. The comparison of Va Tech (26k) vs bc (73k) is huge. I make enough that need based aid will be limited. I want her to graduate debt free.

Between her 529 and other savings, we can handle Tech with minimal lifestyle changes. The private’s will not be attainable without significant changes (selling house)

First, you are complaining that your daughter is not considering the precise thing you have always told her not to consider. That is unfair and frankly, idiotic.

Second, if you make enough that need-based aid will be limited, I simply do not believe that you cannot afford BC without selling your house. Also, based on your post, you have saved slightly over $100,000 in her 529. If you indeed make enough that need-based aid will be minimal, you have dramatically undersaved in the 529 (all while telling her to not worry about costs). That's on you.

Third, if you want her to graduate debt-free, you take out the loans to pay for the difference.

"Afford" is a term specific to a given family's finances. You, an Internet stranger, are not in a position to evaluate whether OP can or cannot afford to pay for BC or any other expensive school.

"(Y)ou need to take out loans" is a misstatement in this context. OP has made it clear that their family priority is for DD to graduate from college debt-free and that they can afford to swing VT without loans. Therefore, your statement is both inaccurate and not applicable to OP.

The PP is right that it is tacky to purport to override a person's statements and judgments about *their own finances*.

If it's the "family priority" (by which you mean the parents' priority) for DD to graduate without loans, that is perfectly consistent with what was suggested. The OP takes out the loans to make up the difference. DD graduates without loans.

As for being tacky to second-guess the Op's statements about their finances, this entire thread spring up because OP was not honest and forthright about finances with the DD. Given that backdrop, I'm not sure why you think it's out of line to question the financial representations now.

Also, override doesn't mean what you think it means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always told DD not to worry about college costs, but my junior Dd, 1400 SATs, 4.2 w gpa is not factoring the cost of attending college. The comparison of Va Tech (26k) vs bc (73k) is huge. I make enough that need based aid will be limited. I want her to graduate debt free.

Between her 529 and other savings, we can handle Tech with minimal lifestyle changes. The private’s will not be attainable without significant changes (selling house)

First, you are complaining that your daughter is not considering the precise thing you have always told her not to consider. That is unfair and frankly, idiotic.

Second, if you make enough that need-based aid will be limited, I simply do not believe that you cannot afford BC without selling your house. Also, based on your post, you have saved slightly over $100,000 in her 529. If you indeed make enough that need-based aid will be minimal, you have dramatically undersaved in the 529 (all while telling her to not worry about costs). That's on you.

Third, if you want her to graduate debt-free, you take out the loans to pay for the difference.

This is such a tacky, tacky post.

Why?

You have to ask why speculating on someone’s finances and declaring what they can and cannot afford is tacky?

Oh, dear.

not when someone has posted on a public forum and explicitly asked for advice. You are bizarre.

Np. Telling someone they have “dramatically undersaved” - and thinking you are qualified to make that statement based off a few paragraphs on an anonymous forum - is NOT helpful and I agree, very tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always told DD not to worry about college costs, but my junior Dd, 1400 SATs, 4.2 w gpa is not factoring the cost of attending college. The comparison of Va Tech (26k) vs bc (73k) is huge. I make enough that need based aid will be limited. I want her to graduate debt free.

Between her 529 and other savings, we can handle Tech with minimal lifestyle changes. The private’s will not be attainable without significant changes (selling house)

First, you are complaining that your daughter is not considering the precise thing you have always told her not to consider. That is unfair and frankly, idiotic.

Second, if you make enough that need-based aid will be limited, I simply do not believe that you cannot afford BC without selling your house. Also, based on your post, you have saved slightly over $100,000 in her 529. If you indeed make enough that need-based aid will be minimal, you have dramatically undersaved in the 529 (all while telling her to not worry about costs). That's on you.

Third, if you want her to graduate debt-free, you take out the loans to pay for the difference.

"Afford" is a term specific to a given family's finances. You, an Internet stranger, are not in a position to evaluate whether OP can or cannot afford to pay for BC or any other expensive school.

"(Y)ou need to take out loans" is a misstatement in this context. OP has made it clear that their family priority is for DD to graduate from college debt-free and that they can afford to swing VT without loans. Therefore, your statement is both inaccurate and not applicable to OP.

The PP is right that it is tacky to purport to override a person's statements and judgments about *their own finances*.

If it's the "family priority" (by which you mean the parents' priority) for DD to graduate without loans, that is perfectly consistent with what was suggested. The OP takes out the loans to make up the difference. DD graduates without loans.

As for being tacky to second-guess the Op's statements about their finances, this entire thread spring up because OP was not honest and forthright about finances with the DD. Given that backdrop, I'm not sure why you think it's out of line to question the financial representations now.

Also, override doesn't mean what you think it means.

*Parents* taking out loans to finance a child’s private college education is out of this world dumb.

[Anonymous]

As for the "tacky" advice, I think they got it right. OP can't have everything: ALL schools on the table, daughter graduating debt-free, AND no potentially damaging loans in her own name. One or more of those items will need to be eliminated from contention.

[Anonymous]

if any of these scenarios involves things like student loans, you might want to encourage her to take a look at a site like this:
https://studentloanhero.com/calculators/student-loan-payment-calculator/

My son attended college tuition free through the GI Bill and he said that he honestly didn't realize what a life changing opportunity that was until senior year of college when his friends were calculating things like: how do I afford rent in DC when my job pays 45,000 a year and my student loans are 800 dollars a month. At that point, he was able to say that 800 dollars a month is a significant chunk of change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At the beginning of the college search, there's nothing wrong with telling a student to just try to figure out what they like without worrying too much about costs - maybe this is what OP had in mind when guiding her DD. If BC is out of reach financially, maybe there is another urban Catholic school that would work. A 16 year old should be able to grasp the concept of income, savings and the fact that neither are infinite amounts. I don't see why it would be a sensitive subject and hopefully you haven't raised a child who would expect you to sell your house to pay for her college.

Personally, I gave my kids a budget from the beginning, but neither one was going to lean towards the super expensive elite schools anyway. Both would rather save some of their 529 funds for grad school.

This. If she was accepted to BC, then she may be eligible for merit scholarships at lower-ranked mid-size Jesuit and other Catholic universities. The cost might not come all the way down to the cost of VT, but it's at least worth looking into. Loyola Chicago, Gonzaga, Providence, Loyola Maryland, etc. Run some Net Price Calculators - some of them might include a merit estimate. I would find out what about BC appealed to her and use that to add a few more schools - many colleges have deadlines Jan 15.

[Anonymous]

Why would you tell her not to worry about the cost of college if it's a concern? My kids are 8 and 5 and I tell them that they are going to college, and they will go to an instate school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always told DD not to worry about college costs, but my junior Dd, 1400 SATs, 4.2 w gpa is not factoring the cost of attending college. The comparison of Va Tech (26k) vs bc (73k) is huge. I make enough that need based aid will be limited. I want her to graduate debt free.

Between her 529 and other savings, we can handle Tech with minimal lifestyle changes. The private’s will not be attainable without significant changes (selling house)

First, you are complaining that your daughter is not considering the precise thing you have always told her not to consider. That is unfair and frankly, idiotic.

Second, if you make enough that need-based aid will be limited, I simply do not believe that you cannot afford BC without selling your house. Also, based on your post, you have saved slightly over $100,000 in her 529. If you indeed make enough that need-based aid will be minimal, you have dramatically undersaved in the 529 (all while telling her to not worry about costs). That's on you.

Third, if you want her to graduate debt-free, you take out the loans to pay for the difference.

This is a huge assumption on your part. You sound either like you are UMC or just a serious tool.

Depending on where they live, other financial obligations, actual salary, etc. You don't have to make very much to be disqualified for aid, you know that right????

Making a modest middle class salary (for this area) will disqualify you. Maybe they make just enough to not qualify AND could not save more. Maybe just paying the mortgage, car payments, health costs, maybe a student loan from parents education, helping out other family members, living a basic middle class lifestyle - god forbid you paid for gymnastics or travel soccer or whatever during your kids primary school years precludes you from saving $200K for college. Jeez. Not everyone is as privileged or obviously financially brilliant as you

[Anonymous]

Sounds irresponsible to change the terms mid-stream. You should have done the Math in advance, and shared with her what you are willing to put in. She can apply wherever she wants, but does so at her own peril if the NPC suggests your contribution will be inadequate.

It is very strange that you asked her not to be concerned about this and now say, how do I get her to be concerned about it. Were you that inconsistent as a parent all along? Hard way for a kid to grow up.

Perhaps this is just parental adjustment to the child becoming a young adult, and that does not always go smoothly. It is time though to treat her more like a collaborator in orchestrating her future, not like a passive recipient of your largesse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The alternative to laying out your finances to her is to simply say no. As in: no, you will not pay for any portion of her attending Boston College. The reason is because to pay for the rest, she would have to take on exorbitant debt, and you can't contribute to that situation in good conscience.

You should have had one or the other of these conversations before she applied, but there's no time like the present.

OP's DD is a junior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always told DD not to worry about college costs, but my junior Dd, 1400 SATs, 4.2 w gpa is not factoring the cost of attending college. The comparison of Va Tech (26k) vs bc (73k) is huge. I make enough that need based aid will be limited. I want her to graduate debt free.

Between her 529 and other savings, we can handle Tech with minimal lifestyle changes. The private’s will not be attainable without significant changes (selling house)

First, you are complaining that your daughter is not considering the precise thing you have always told her not to consider. That is unfair and frankly, idiotic.

Second, if you make enough that need-based aid will be limited, I simply do not believe that you cannot afford BC without selling your house. Also, based on your post, you have saved slightly over $100,000 in her 529. If you indeed make enough that need-based aid will be minimal, you have dramatically undersaved in the 529 (all while telling her to not worry about costs). That's on you.

Third, if you want her to graduate debt-free, you take out the loans to pay for the difference.

This is a huge assumption on your part. You sound either like you are UMC or just a serious tool.

Depending on where they live, other financial obligations, actual salary, etc. You don't have to make very much to be disqualified for aid, you know that right????

Making a modest middle class salary (for this area) will disqualify you. Maybe they make just enough to not qualify AND could not save more. Maybe just paying the mortgage, car payments, health costs, maybe a student loan from parents education, helping out other family members, living a basic middle class lifestyle - god forbid you paid for gymnastics or travel soccer or whatever during your kids primary school years precludes you from saving $200K for college. Jeez. Not everyone is as privileged or obviously financially brilliant as you

You're missing the point, and I can't tell if it's just inadvertent or if you're really this dense. Of course people have obligations that set individual savings levels. But if you are telling your kid that she should not consider he costs of college, you have undersaved if your 529 balance is around $100k. Even more so if you know you won't get need-based aid. Seriously, how is that difficult to understand?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always told DD not to worry about college costs, but my junior Dd, 1400 SATs, 4.2 w gpa is not factoring the cost of attending college. The comparison of Va Tech (26k) vs bc (73k) is huge. I make enough that need based aid will be limited. I want her to graduate debt free.

Between her 529 and other savings, we can handle Tech with minimal lifestyle changes. The private’s will not be attainable without significant changes (selling house)

First, you are complaining that your daughter is not considering the precise thing you have always told her not to consider. That is unfair and frankly, idiotic.

Second, if you make enough that need-based aid will be limited, I simply do not believe that you cannot afford BC without selling your house. Also, based on your post, you have saved slightly over $100,000 in her 529. If you indeed make enough that need-based aid will be minimal, you have dramatically undersaved in the 529 (all while telling her to not worry about costs). That's on you.

Third, if you want her to graduate debt-free, you take out the loans to pay for the difference.

"Afford" is a term specific to a given family's finances. You, an Internet stranger, are not in a position to evaluate whether OP can or cannot afford to pay for BC or any other expensive school.

"(Y)ou need to take out loans" is a misstatement in this context. OP has made it clear that their family priority is for DD to graduate from college debt-free and that they can afford to swing VT without loans. Therefore, your statement is both inaccurate and not applicable to OP.

The PP is right that it is tacky to purport to override a person's statements and judgments about *their own finances*.

If it's the "family priority" (by which you mean the parents' priority) for DD to graduate without loans, that is perfectly consistent with what was suggested. The OP takes out the loans to make up the difference. DD graduates without loans.

As for being tacky to second-guess the Op's statements about their finances, this entire thread spring up because OP was not honest and forthright about finances with the DD. Given that backdrop, I'm not sure why you think it's out of line to question the financial representations now.

Also, override doesn't mean what you think it means.

"Family priority" means priority established by the parents as the responsible adults.

OP is unwilling for her DD to take out loans, and presumably to take out loans herself, either.

The point is that you, an Internet stranger, are not entitled to decide whether OP can or cannot afford BC.

You are right that I misused "override." I meant, it is tacky to opine on other people's financial limitations and choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always told DD not to worry about college costs, but my junior Dd, 1400 SATs, 4.2 w gpa is not factoring the cost of attending college. The comparison of Va Tech (26k) vs bc (73k) is huge. I make enough that need based aid will be limited. I want her to graduate debt free.

Between her 529 and other savings, we can handle Tech with minimal lifestyle changes. The private’s will not be attainable without significant changes (selling house)

First, you are complaining that your daughter is not considering the precise thing you have always told her not to consider. That is unfair and frankly, idiotic.

Second, if you make enough that need-based aid will be limited, I simply do not believe that you cannot afford BC without selling your house. Also, based on your post, you have saved slightly over $100,000 in her 529. If you indeed make enough that need-based aid will be minimal, you have dramatically undersaved in the 529 (all while telling her to not worry about costs). That's on you.

Third, if you want her to graduate debt-free, you take out the loans to pay for the difference.

"Afford" is a term specific to a given family's finances. You, an Internet stranger, are not in a position to evaluate whether OP can or cannot afford to pay for BC or any other expensive school.

"(Y)ou need to take out loans" is a misstatement in this context. OP has made it clear that their family priority is for DD to graduate from college debt-free and that they can afford to swing VT without loans. Therefore, your statement is both inaccurate and not applicable to OP.

The PP is right that it is tacky to purport to override a person's statements and judgments about *their own finances*.

If it's the "family priority" (by which you mean the parents' priority) for DD to graduate without loans, that is perfectly consistent with what was suggested. The OP takes out the loans to make up the difference. DD graduates without loans.

As for being tacky to second-guess the Op's statements about their finances, this entire thread spring up because OP was not honest and forthright about finances with the DD. Given that backdrop, I'm not sure why you think it's out of line to question the financial representations now.

Also, override doesn't mean what you think it means.

*Parents* taking out loans to finance a child’s private college education is out of this world dumb.

+1