How to get my dad to factor in cost of attending?

[Anonymous]

You need to talk to her and lay it out for her about cost. She can apply and see if she gets financial aide but the max amount per year is XXX you can do and $73 plus living expenses is not doable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always told DD not to worry about college costs, but my junior Dd, 1400 SATs, 4.2 w gpa is not factoring the cost of attending college. The comparison of Va Tech (26k) vs bc (73k) is huge. I make enough that need based aid will be limited. I want her to graduate debt free.

Between her 529 and other savings, we can handle Tech with minimal lifestyle changes. The private’s will not be attainable without significant changes (selling house)

First, you are complaining that your daughter is not considering the precise thing you have always told her not to consider. That is unfair and frankly, idiotic.

Second, if you make enough that need-based aid will be limited, I simply do not believe that you cannot afford BC without selling your house. Also, based on your post, you have saved slightly over $100,000 in her 529. If you indeed make enough that need-based aid will be minimal, you have dramatically undersaved in the 529 (all while telling her to not worry about costs). That's on you.

Third, if you want her to graduate debt-free, you take out the loans to pay for the difference.

This is such a tacky, tacky post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always told DD not to worry about college costs, but my junior Dd, 1400 SATs, 4.2 w gpa is not factoring the cost of attending college. The comparison of Va Tech (26k) vs bc (73k) is huge. I make enough that need based aid will be limited. I want her to graduate debt free.

Between her 529 and other savings, we can handle Tech with minimal lifestyle changes. The private’s will not be attainable without significant changes (selling house)

Have her sit down and go over the numbers. Sweeten the pot to go to Tech. trips, car, help in grad school.........

My nephew was in a similar predicament last year between UConn and Syracuse. To make matters “worse”, UConn admitted him to the Honors program and gave him a 75% tuition scholarship. The difference in cost was $50k a year. My sister and her DH pointed out that there would be much more money for extras at UConn (he wanted to do a semester abroad in Italy). He chose UConn and is mostly happy with his choice. He can do the skiing club because there is money. He can do a 10 day trip to Scotland and England in the spring because there is money. He will get a car when he moves off campus because there is money available. Plus, his parents will help more in grad school (not so much tuition as that should be paid but extras like continuing to pay for phone and car insurance). And he will graduate without loans.

WIth a 4.2 your DD is smart, she should be able to figure it out whenthe cards are on the table.

[Anonymous]

If you tell your kids cost doesn't matter, they're not going to restrict themselves.

Sit down with your DD and have a serious conversation about what you can afford. Walk her through the scenarios of graduating debt free or with debt, and explain to her whether you will take on additional debt for her. My kids know we won't take on debt for college degrees, so they're limited to what we've saved, what we can pay out of current income, what they've saved, what they can pay out of current income, and what debt they will take on. We strongly recommend they take on no debt, but we don't prevent them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always told DD not to worry about college costs, but my junior Dd, 1400 SATs, 4.2 w gpa is not factoring the cost of attending college. The comparison of Va Tech (26k) vs bc (73k) is huge. I make enough that need based aid will be limited. I want her to graduate debt free.

Between her 529 and other savings, we can handle Tech with minimal lifestyle changes. The private’s will not be attainable without significant changes (selling house)

First, you are complaining that your daughter is not considering the precise thing you have always told her not to consider. That is unfair and frankly, idiotic.

Second, if you make enough that need-based aid will be limited, I simply do not believe that you cannot afford BC without selling your house. Also, based on your post, you have saved slightly over $100,000 in her 529. If you indeed make enough that need-based aid will be minimal, you have dramatically undersaved in the 529 (all while telling her to not worry about costs). That's on you.

Third, if you want her to graduate debt-free, you take out the loans to pay for the difference.

This is such a tacky, tacky post.

Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the PP that you need to correct your messaging. You told her not to worry about college costs, so she thinks everything is on the table. It sounds like what you mean is that you can afford to send her someplace where she can get a very good education, but you don't necessarily want to stretch yourself financially unless you feel that the more expensive option will lead to significantly better outcomes for your daughter. You need to have a more nuanced conversation and be direct and real about what the more expensive options mean for your family finances.

This. For some context, my parents really could afford any college, but I grew up in a state with an excellent public university (U.Mich.). My dad was explicit that he would only consider paying higher tuition than in-state at UM if he felt it was worth it (though I had the opportunity to convince him of that). He also refused to pay for a public university in any other state. Whether you agree with his constraints doesn't matter...the point is I knew exactly what he was/was not offering to pay for. I did briefly consider the idea of taking on financial aid if I wanted to go to a school that didn't meet his criteria, but it took like 10 minutes to realize that was silly. I ended up attending an HYPS that my parents financed completely...and, honestly, I'm glad that my dad's rules meant I didn't waste time applying to schools beyond a handful of elites and UMich. Another friend of mine's parents had similar constraints, but they didn't let her know up front. She end up getting into her dream SLAC, but they refused to pay and she went to UM. It all worked out well for her, but I think she would have preferred to avoid that fight in the last few months she was living at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always told DD not to worry about college costs, but my junior Dd, 1400 SATs, 4.2 w gpa is not factoring the cost of attending college. The comparison of Va Tech (26k) vs bc (73k) is huge. I make enough that need based aid will be limited. I want her to graduate debt free.

Between her 529 and other savings, we can handle Tech with minimal lifestyle changes. The private’s will not be attainable without significant changes (selling house)

First, you are complaining that your daughter is not considering the precise thing you have always told her not to consider. That is unfair and frankly, idiotic.

Second, if you make enough that need-based aid will be limited, I simply do not believe that you cannot afford BC without selling your house. Also, based on your post, you have saved slightly over $100,000 in her 529. If you indeed make enough that need-based aid will be minimal, you have dramatically undersaved in the 529 (all while telling her to not worry about costs). That's on you.

Third, if you want her to graduate debt-free, you take out the loans to pay for the difference.

This is such a tacky, tacky post.

Why?

You have to ask why speculating on someone’s finances and declaring what they can and cannot afford is tacky?

Oh, dear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Have her sit down and go over the numbers. Sweeten the pot to go to Tech. trips, car, help in grad school.........

My nephew was in a similar predicament last year between UConn and Syracuse. To make matters “worse”, UConn admitted him to the Honors program and gave him a 75% tuition scholarship. The difference in cost was $50k a year. My sister and her DH pointed out that there would be much more money for extras at UConn (he wanted to do a semester abroad in Italy). He chose UConn and is mostly happy with his choice. He can do the skiing club because there is money. He can do a 10 day trip to Scotland and England in the spring because there is money. He will get a car when he moves off campus because there is money available. Plus, his parents will help more in grad school (not so much tuition as that should be paid but extras like continuing to pay for phone and car insurance). And he will graduate without loans.

WIth a 4.2 your DD is smart, she should be able to figure it out whenthe cards are on the table.

Don't do this (or at least don't present it as a bribe, present it as opportunity-cost). You want your DD to make an informed choice about college. That means explaining to her what your financial constraints and/or criteria are. If you don't think BC is worth the sacrifices it would take to afford it, that's a totally reasonable position. Just tell her that. If she disagrees, she can take out the loans and accept the consequences.

Picking a college is the first adult decision that many people make. Let your DD make it, but help her by laying all the info on the table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always told DD not to worry about college costs, but my junior Dd, 1400 SATs, 4.2 w gpa is not factoring the cost of attending college. The comparison of Va Tech (26k) vs bc (73k) is huge. I make enough that need based aid will be limited. I want her to graduate debt free.

Between her 529 and other savings, we can handle Tech with minimal lifestyle changes. The private’s will not be attainable without significant changes (selling house)

First, you are complaining that your daughter is not considering the precise thing you have always told her not to consider. That is unfair and frankly, idiotic.

Second, if you make enough that need-based aid will be limited, I simply do not believe that you cannot afford BC without selling your house. Also, based on your post, you have saved slightly over $100,000 in her 529. If you indeed make enough that need-based aid will be minimal, you have dramatically undersaved in the 529 (all while telling her to not worry about costs). That's on you.

Third, if you want her to graduate debt-free, you take out the loans to pay for the difference.

This is such a tacky, tacky post.

Why?

You have to ask why speculating on someone’s finances and declaring what they can and cannot afford is tacky?

Oh, dear.

There were multiple parts to the post, and you were unclear as to what you found tacky. So, yes, I had to ask.

Also, OP's question makes just this type of post fair game. And I note that you don't point to anything that is incorrect, just that you think it's rude to point out the obvious. Sorry, snowflake.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being very clear about the opportunity costs. My DC was between W&M and Williams ($140K or so coat difference) and we were very clear with her that if she chose Williams, things like study abroad, help with grad school, etc. would not be happening. Some 18 year olds get it - and she eventually did - but it’s hard.

[Anonymous]

This is not tacky. My parents, and most middle class parents I know, are up front about financial limitations. There is a limit to what you can pay or take out loans for, and it's best for DD to know.that up front.

[Anonymous]

I am right now very clear with DD that we can pay in state tuition and cost, if she wants to go to private across the country for the "experience" she will be responsible for that difference. Our older is in in-state college. We are not rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always told DD not to worry about college costs, but my junior Dd, 1400 SATs, 4.2 w gpa is not factoring the cost of attending college. The comparison of Va Tech (26k) vs bc (73k) is huge. I make enough that need based aid will be limited. I want her to graduate debt free.

Between her 529 and other savings, we can handle Tech with minimal lifestyle changes. The private’s will not be attainable without significant changes (selling house)

First, you are complaining that your daughter is not considering the precise thing you have always told her not to consider. That is unfair and frankly, idiotic.

Second, if you make enough that need-based aid will be limited, I simply do not believe that you cannot afford BC without selling your house. Also, based on your post, you have saved slightly over $100,000 in her 529. If you indeed make enough that need-based aid will be minimal, you have dramatically undersaved in the 529 (all while telling her to not worry about costs). That's on you.

Third, if you want her to graduate debt-free, you take out the loans to pay for the difference.

This is such a tacky, tacky post.

Why?

You have to ask why speculating on someone’s finances and declaring what they can and cannot afford is tacky?

Oh, dear.

not when someone has posted on a public forum and explicitly asked for advice. You are bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am right now very clear with DD that we can pay in state tuition and cost, if she wants to go to private across the country for the "experience" she will be responsible for that difference. Our older is in in-state college. We are not rich.

Are you the OP? If so this isn't what you said in your OP, which is that your told your DD not to worry about cost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always told DD not to worry about college costs, but my junior Dd, 1400 SATs, 4.2 w gpa is not factoring the cost of attending college. The comparison of Va Tech (26k) vs bc (73k) is huge. I make enough that need based aid will be limited. I want her to graduate debt free.

Between her 529 and other savings, we can handle Tech with minimal lifestyle changes. The private’s will not be attainable without significant changes (selling house)

First, you are complaining that your daughter is not considering the precise thing you have always told her not to consider. That is unfair and frankly, idiotic.

Second, if you make enough that need-based aid will be limited, I simply do not believe that you cannot afford BC without selling your house. Also, based on your post, you have saved slightly over $100,000 in her 529. If you indeed make enough that need-based aid will be minimal, you have dramatically undersaved in the 529 (all while telling her to not worry about costs). That's on you.

Third, if you want her to graduate debt-free, you take out the loans to pay for the difference.

"Afford" is a term specific to a given family's finances. You, an Internet stranger, are not in a position to evaluate whether OP can or cannot afford to pay for BC or any other expensive school.

"(Y)ou need to take out loans" is a misstatement in this context. OP has made it clear that their family priority is for DD to graduate from college debt-free and that they can afford to swing VT without loans. Therefore, your statement is both inaccurate and not applicable to OP.

The PP is right that it is tacky to purport to override a person's statements and judgments about *their own finances*.