This is weird, right? (Inlaws seeking reimbursement)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally weird. Even when I was poor I would never have expected someone to reimburse me in a situation like this. But I have come to the conclusion that money just makes you more of what you were - generous people get more generous once they have some $ and cheap people get even more cheap.

+ 1

[Anonymous]

We are comfortable, not 10 million worth, but we are retired and not hurting. I cannot imagine asking my grown kids to reimburse us for anything. We help our kids, whether they need it or not. We bring food over, fix stuff, pick up checks at restaurants. They are hardworking, never ask for anything, but we appreciated our folks helping us out when we had a young family with things like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Super weird. My parents and my in-laws are the opposite. They insist on paying for everything. They are wealthy. We are not rich, but certainly more than comfortable. They never let us pay for anything. We are the same way with our adult kids. We always pay.

This. We are only here for the time being. I don't want to be remembered for the 6 bucks I asked back for some vegetables.

[Anonymous]

Weird, but not really that strange.

One PP said:
Money accentuates your personality. If you were frugal to begin with, you get more frugal. If you were spendy to begin with, you blow it all.
So true.

Many people develop a habit of sharing receipts, reimbursing each other for every penny. In the long run, no different from a no-reimbursement culture - just depends on which side you’re on for a particular event. FIL may very well insist on reimbursing guests that arrive at his house with a contribution to the dinner.

[Anonymous]

Families are different. Both parents and ILs are MC, and don't struggle.

My parents take us out to dinner and once in a rare while will let us pick up the check. My mom like to slip us money "for gas" when we certainly visit (we can afford the gas ourselves.)

My ILs look at the check and tell us what we owe. They complain about the gas and tolls every time they visit, like it's a surprise each time, and once suggested that we should pay for their visits, since we chose to move away.

I grew up in a family where grown parents feel good about taking care of their grown kids. Not in an over indulgent way, but basics like asparagus. DHs family thinks their job is done and and we are an accessory when convenient for them. It's weird but something I needed to accept if we wanted to maintain a relationship.

[Anonymous]

This is being cheap. My FIL is like this and he is loaded. It is so petty, and I think it’s about control, especially considering a parent demanding small amounts of money from a child (even if grown). My parents, who are not as well off as my FIL, would never in a million years do this. Never.

[Anonymous]

It's weird

If you asked them to pick up $50-$100 of stuff then sure

[Anonymous]

This is probably how he become wealthy, OP, by always being very careful with his money, regardless of the actual sum involved. Must be built into his character.

Can you forgive him this little foible? Everyone has their quirks. In the larger scheme of things, it's really not important. He certainly didn't mean to be rude.

[Anonymous]

Could this be a concerning personality change due to dementia? I ask only because if this is completely out of character it could be a warning sign.

My recently retired trial lawyer father began answering questions with yes or no and claimed he was “too tired” to explain further. Stepmother was alarmed enough to take him to his GP. Referred to a neurologist and given battery of tests. Dementia.

[Anonymous]

It's the way people who were poor and worked for all their money act.

It's common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They likely think that their frugality is one reason for their success. They also likely worry about leaving big chunks of money to their children. They will feel better about passing on their money if they believe you all are similarly frugal with what they earned. Indulge their frugality; it’s in your interest.

Good response

I think it’s this. They probably think you and your DH are irresponsible with your money and are imagining you frittering away all their hard-earned savings.

[Anonymous]

I handle the finances for an elder family member, and people get very weird about their money in old age. Even when they were very normal before. The person I help has plenty of money that she will never spend, but loves to joke/humble brag about it. She would have walked in and said "here's the asparagus Larla, it was $12, but don't worry, I can cover that for you!" And it's not what she's saying, but the drawing attention to it that makes it a big deal. I actually think by your FIL just handing over the receipt is a better scenario.

[Anonymous]

Older people who are retired live in fear of "running out of money" in retirement. Even when they have a $10m net worth. It's completely irrational, but that's what fear does to the brain.

Make them feel safe and happy around you.

[Anonymous]

My own mother and father would TOTALLY do this. It's insanely weird. But it's just the way they are. When we go on vacation, we always pay our own costs even though DH and I are dirt poor and they are rich. And when they were babysitting my nephew and he broke my glasses and I said I didn't care, they insisted on giving me $200 to replace the glasses that they did NOT break because they "we're responsible for the minor at the time of the incident." And no, they are not lawyers. Just weird!

But I don't care. It's their money. They can decide how to spend it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very weird

Yeah - but that’s how family is. Everyone’s family is weird in some big ways.

OP, if they are this weird about money I wouldn’t necessarily expect an inheritance. They might leave it to some foundation or something?