What to do about forgetful husband?

[Anonymous]

And what about the husband that says that, if you need something done, it is YOUR responsibility to make sure he remembers and YOU must repeat the request several times if you want him to do something? Is it true that he is not to be held responsible for forgetting because you did not remind him more than once?

I am with the pp in that they hold it together at work and are able to keep sports stats in their head no problem. Although I recognize some men trully have ADD issues, I can't believe this is the case with most. I am very, very tired of the "women can remember many things and multi-task because they are from Venus and we are from Mars" BS as if they were hardwired for pea-brainness. I can't believe it is impossible for men to remember to fulfill their commitments, just because they are male. I also want to know who fed them those lines that make them take the easy copout that forgetfulness and manhood are in unavoidable tandem.

As for the PP that said telling her husband his behavior was like a big FU, I can see how that would work for like a day and then, guess what? Shocker: Yes, he'll forget about it in a day! And is that because he just don't care enough to even try? Brain not big enough to hold "all that info" like women do? I'm going with the "don't care" because a fight will ensue after an "event," you will scream your head off and then whatever it is will get done (prob by you) and life will go on... until the next time. Nothing "horrible" happens. And it goes on and on... And he thinks it's just his lot in life; a tiny patch in the trials and tribulations he endures with his demanding, unrealisting and nagging ball and chain. And... back to that iphone, then.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I agree in theory with the lists and whiteboard ideas, I've tried them. Put a HUGE whiteboard right in the main are we all walk through a zillion times a day. Put another one in the kitchen, right next to the fridge. Well, guess what? DH elected not to look at them. Sometimes, I write a sticky and put it on his computer. He just moves it to the side.

The ADD posters have been interesting, especially with the issue of hyperfocus. However, I also agree with the poster who told her DH that every time he neglects to do something, that's like saying f you to her. I've told DH that too. He feels bad for a day, then goes right back to old habits.

Oh, and when it comes to chores he should do daily so he won't forget? Nope, 10 years in, he still claims to "forget" to take care of our cats.

I'm probably making him sound like a huge asshole, and in this one area, he kind of is, but I know from talking to friends that this is hardly abnormal among husbands.

Yep! I'm the f-you poster from above. That's my point. This seems to be a common problem with most of my friends, too. Do all men have ADD? Maybe Dh has some ADD, but he can remember everything he needs to do for work - including things his boss asks him to do and the ever-changing status of multiple projects across multiple customers in 3 states - without using lists and outlook. So it seems to be selective ADD. I've even asked him how he manages to remember work things and his answer is "I just do". So, yeah, it is a bit mind boggling to me. Intentional or not, it can be hard not to take it personally sometimes.

Exactly. It's not like they have just enough attention for work and run out at home. It's because at work, they HAVE TO, or there will be consequences, including ones that offend their manhood, like being demoted or fired. At home, the consequence is that you get nagged, which a husband can explain away as part of marriage.

My husband actually isn't like this. He's a very forgetful person but he pretty much drums one thing to do into his own head each night. He also gets up from the dinner table and immediately clears/does dishes while I do bath time. His philosophy is that he can't forget if he does it right away. I think that if you give him tasks that a repeating and have a specific time to do them, he might do better and you might feel less like you have to nag.

[Anonymous]

yikes--I am the poster who first mentioned the iphone. I think I may have to reevaluate, because, although I am frustrated and DO share the F-U feelings sometimes, his forgetfulness, even if it is carelessness, does not extend into other areas of our marriage. He loves our son so much it's crazy, and he goes out of his way, when I'm feeling stressed, to make me feel better (no reminder needed) and he deals kindly with my family, who are huge pains in the asses... He has never raised his voice at me as long as I have known him, and he is never unkind. He is always supportive, and he is hilarious. All of this husband bashing (even though most of it is totally well-deserved) just made me want to point out my husband's great qualities.