Weird thing with teacher- how to handle?

[Anonymous]

There are a lot of bad teachers out there, and that seems to include most of the teachers who have responded to this thread. It is kind of a shame especially when there are also so many fabulous teachers. Extra credit is a drag? the kid earned the grade? don't go over the teacher's head . . .kind of like saying, life sucks so suck it up. Not really what one expects from a teacher.

[Anonymous]

DD should go to her counselor first. She's a junior, not a freshman. Perhaps she and the counselor can resolve this (bring the emails to show they were appropriate). Imagine the confidence your DD gains by solving this on her own!

IF and only if that doesn't work do you get involved!

[Anonymous]

DS is in 11th and had a kinda similar situation with a teacher this year --- he felt that she was constantly making fun of him in front of the class, she felt that he was constantly challenging her authority. Teacher was non responsive DS emails and to my emails at first. I emailed and cc:ed counselor requesting a meeting.

Basically, it boiled down to DS and this teacher really, profoundly not getting each other. She was kinda shocked and sad that he thought she was making fun of him. He was surprised and puzzled that she thought he was challenging her authority. He got a B first semester after expecting to get his first ever C, and he has an A in her class currently.

Note that I went into the meeting saying to the teacher things like "help me understand how I can better support what you are doing in class" and "here's what I'm hearing at home, but as the parent of a teenager, I know it's important to hear from the adult in the situation." I was mad and ready to argue, but I swallowed it and started by asking questions, and that worked out well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would talk to someone in charge- academic dean or whatever. Explain the situation and be nice about it. Ask what your dd can do to improve the grade. For example, an extra little project.

Before a teacher hands out a C, they should discuss with their student ways to get back on track.

Tell your dd, it will all be okay!!

This is nuts!! So nobody legit deserves a C in any class? Wow. Good luck in college!!

[Anonymous]

OP, escalate. It is time to force the school to remedy this, since they have acknowledged there is a behavior issue with the teacher.

Your daughter deserves better.

Maybe the life lesson here should be that "mom has your back." Your daughter may be out of her league with this teacher.

Make it unpleasant enough to give your daughter the C and she won't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of bad teachers out there, and that seems to include most of the teachers who have responded to this thread. It is kind of a shame especially when there are also so many fabulous teachers. Extra credit is a drag? the kid earned the grade? don't go over the teacher's head . . .kind of like saying, life sucks so suck it up. Not really what one expects from a teacher.

I said extra credit is a scam and it is.

Kid A does all the work all year and has a an A. They earned it.

Kid B screws off, misses assignment and half assed others and has a C, but gets mom to bully teacher into doing some BS extra credit that doesn't show mastery of content or work ethic but is a bunch of extra work designed to get them same A as Kid A that they didn't work for.

Extra credit cheapens and discredits the work of all the students who put in the effort. That's why I don't do it. Anyone can get an A in my class if they're willing to do the work the first time and put effort into it. If they aren't, I'm not bailing them out end of year with a packet of busy work. Most schools are moving toward this model to protect the transcripts of their students. An A needs to mean something about your work ethic and mastery.

[Anonymous]

+1 to above advice to escalate to the administration if the teacher won’t respond in a timely manner. Instead of asking for feedback on previous grades or extra credit, maybe ask if your daughter can turn in a draft a few days ahead of deadline and get timely feedback so that she can fix whatever the problems are. This has helped my son a lot in classes where he has struggled with the teacher.

If the meeting doesn’t result in any improvement, is there some way your child can take this class outside of the school setting? Private tutor, etc.?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DD has repeatedly asked for feedback and been ignored or scolded. That's why I am asking for advice: DD is doing all the things she ought to be doing and getting nowhere. At my suggestion, she has recently been ccing her advisor on all emails to this teacher. Her advisor is aware that this teacher flies off the handle with kids and apparently the teacher has been counseled about it... I had hoped that the problem was resolved, but apparently not.

Unfortunately, there are many assignments where completely "objective" assessments are difficult. This is a language class and there are rarely multiple choice tests. More typically it's "write an essay about how you would spend a weekend with friends" or "Make a video presentation of a tour through your neighborhood" or whatever. Often there are group projects. That is to say, lots of room for subjectivity in assessments.

You say this, but think of it from a teacher's perspective.

I cannot TELL you how many times a parent claimed that their child had "asked for feedback." Which in reality, was when the assignment was handed back, and 35 kids are asking questions about their grades, the student said "Why did I get a C?" while all other students are also talking and asking questions, and we are reviewing the questions, or whatever. That's not asking for feedback. That's complaining.

OP here. DD's class has six students in it. Six. I have a ton of sympathy for teachers who are juggling 35 kids, but... this teacher should have time to help a student who is struggling. And I have read all DD's emails to this teacher. They are appropriate and specific. She just does not respond. And I am definitely not a helicopter parent: over more than a decade with three kids, I have intervened maybe twice when I thought something was seriously, seriously off the rails. My default is "work it out, suck it up." In fact, If this was my younger child saying what DD is saying, I'd be thinking, "it is probably her own fault." But with his teacher, and this child, I am concerned.

You sound completely reasonable. I get that older high schoolers need to be able to advocate on their own, but this is beyond that.

Good luck OP.

[Anonymous]

My DD had a teacher who played favorites and regularly criticized my DD’s abilities. She would point out that my daughter wasn’t smart even though she was in CTY and taking online classes at higher levels. She was the only teacher that didn’t care for my DD. I literally was called into a meeting because another parent used my daughter as an example of how unfair the teacher was towards certain students. It’s one of the reasons we switched schools. Imagine that teacher’s surprise when my DD got into a Big3. Your daughter will face injustice and bias throughout her life, you need to help her remain above it all. Give her the skills to navigate when she can’t leave and the strategies to leave.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Some progress (I think... I hope!). DD had been speaking to the counselor about this already, but I contacted the counselor too - framed it as "I am puzzled and concerned, here is how DD feels, she may be completely misreading the teacher, but I am worried, both about her sudden low grade in a class she normally does well in but even more about her emotional distress - what do you recommend?" I really did not want to make the teacher defensive. Counselor said she would meet with teacher... so far, teacher seems to be making a real effort to reach out to DD. We'll see if it lasts!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd escalate, and pretty immediately too.

Language class or no, the grade is not entirely subjective. There have to be standards for grading that are understood by the students. From what you've said, your daughter has made a pretty solid effort to identify what she needs to do in order to improve, and feedback has been non-existent.

That's just not acceptable, and coupled with the teacher's nasty attitude, it's definitely appropriate for you to step in.

Second this poster's comment about language grades not being entirely subjective. There are standards for grading in language classes that parents should be able to access and understand, even if they have no background in language education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a teacher, I would advise you to ask fir a meeting with your child, the teacher, and an administrator. Your daughter needs you to model how to get the involved parties together and rationally discuss an issue as a group. It will be clear pretty quickly what is going on and can be a learning experience so that when she goes to college she knows how to bring a written list of concerns to a meeting with examples and work collaboratively to solve problems. Your first message to your kid is that you have her back. If she’s the issue, you’ll find out and guide her to fixing things. If the teacher is the issue, you’ll find out, and admin will help. If there is a little of both or miscommunication, then you’ll find that out. You want your girl to feel heard, to learn how to work within a system, and how to manage conflict, regardless of the reason. I would insist on an admin being present.

+1
PP, this is really solid. Thanks.

Another vote for this advice.

I could have written the OP about myself 20-some years ago. I had one teacher junior year who, for reasons I still don't understand, clearly hated me. I didn't do well in her class, but when I used my usually effective strategies of asking for help, going to her office hours, etc., I didn't get anywhere. To this day, I am *so* appreciative that my parents got involved. I still ended up with a bad grade, but knowing that they believed me and had my back was invaluable as a teenager.

Of course, your daughter should attempt to work this out herself. And of course she could (probably is!) at least part of the problem. But it sounds like overall she's a responsible and independent girl. Help her work through this.