How to stop being triggered by my MIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Similar MIL here. Personally I can’t beat her at being a bitch, so I gray rock her instead.

Mine was away for 6 months and I forgot how to effectively gray rock. I paid for it. Now I’m back, boring as ever

It really depresses me to gray rock though. It sucks the joy out of holidays when I have to do that. I'm a bubbly person though and when I don't gray rock I say things that my ILs don't like, like politics or gay marriage or that we like to go on vacations.

I'm as left leaning as they come, but how are politics and gay marriage holiday-appropriate conversation?!?

Unless you just want to bait them, with your bubbly liberal holiday banter (which isn't a thing, btw).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone thinks that the perfect zinger of a comeback will solve the problem, but it won't. It might just escalate it. Better to have a few standard, noncommittal responses, and stick with them.

"I don't know if I like that." Responses could include:

"Oh, okay."

"Good to know."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Hmmmmm."

And then just move on. Don't give it any oxygen.

I do all of this. Combined with a grey rock style of being pretty boring. Do NOT take the bait. She wants you to defend your choices, so that she can argue with you and change your mind. The best defense here is to NOT PLAY the game. I also say things like "interesting" or "huh, everyone is different!" or "yes, you've mentioned that before".

The minute you find yourself getting defensive, she's won. Quiet confidence is the name of the game. No explaining, no trying to defend your choices. Shoulder shrugs and "yup that's how we do it" and move along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“We didn’t ask for your opinion about that, Marge.”

Repeat as necessary. And yes it will seem rude to people listening. And yes other people will notice. And yes that’s okay.

quick side note: Thank you for saying, "Repeat as necessary," instead of, "Wash, rinse, repeat." I am so, so tired of that stupid phrase. I only ever see it / hear it here on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Similar MIL here. Personally I can’t beat her at being a bitch, so I gray rock her instead.

Mine was away for 6 months and I forgot how to effectively gray rock. I paid for it. Now I’m back, boring as ever

It really depresses me to gray rock though. It sucks the joy out of holidays when I have to do that. I'm a bubbly person though and when I don't gray rock I say things that my ILs don't like, like politics or gay marriage or that we like to go on vacations.

Gray rock is boring, yes. That's the point. I am choosing to be boring because otherwise I am a target. And what's much LESS fun than having an arm's length, boring relationship is having a combative relationship.

I agree politically with my in-laws and I still grey rock them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Repeat as needed: "hmmm well I don't know if I like your feedback on that."

This is my favorite.
I also like both 21:06s’ responses. Even better if you can respond in a fake-nice sing-songy voice.

[Anonymous]

Anything said within hearing range of my children would receive the response: "Please don't say things like that where the children can hear. We're teaching them to have better manners than that."

Anything said where the children would not hear would receive the comment "Well, you are entitled to your opinion."