How to stop being triggered by my MIL

[Anonymous]

I’m just always waiting for the next negative thing she will say or do.

Like today, family dinner, and her comment on something I prepared: “Hmm, welll that’s an interesting way to do that. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it like that. I don’t know if that was done right.” And no, NOT in a nice way. And no, NOT just a observation.

Or when she saw us let DS do something: “Well, I don’t know if I like it that you let him do that. Hmm.”

I feel like she’s always judging or criticizing me. Our furniture, where we vacation, what movies we let the kids watch, why we did this, why we haven’t done that, why we do this that way, etc. It is always something. ALWAYS.

I’ve probably worked myself up and created a complex. I never know what to say so instead I stew internally. But even my DH reacts when she says certain things, so I know it’s not just me.

I’ve tried ignoring it. I’ve tried making it a game, and that helps, but then I’m still annoyed in the end. I wish I was more “quippy”. Help!

[Anonymous]

“I didn’t ask you” or “that’s what we chose” no ambiguity

I feel for you, my mother in law is similar.

[Anonymous]

“We didn’t ask for your opinion about that, Marge.”

Repeat as necessary. And yes it will seem rude to people listening. And yes other people will notice. And yes that’s okay.

[Anonymous]

Similar MIL here. Personally I can’t beat her at being a bitch, so I gray rock her instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Similar MIL here. Personally I can’t beat her at being a bitch, so I gray rock her instead.

AND not saying the above comments are bitchy. They are perfectly appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Similar MIL here. Personally I can’t beat her at being a bitch, so I gray rock her instead.

Mine was away for 6 months and I forgot how to effectively gray rock. I paid for it. Now I’m back, boring as ever

[Anonymous]

Just flat out ask her why she so often criticizes your choices and when she says she doesn't do that, have a list ready in your head so you demonstrate to her that she does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just flat out ask her why she so often criticizes your choices and when she says she doesn't do that, have a list ready in your head so you demonstrate to her that she does.

That might open a can of worms where MIL pulls out her own laundry list

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m just always waiting for the next negative thing she will say or do.

Like today, family dinner, and her comment on something I prepared: “Hmm, welll that’s an interesting way to do that. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it like that. I don’t know if that was done right.” And no, NOT in a nice way. And no, NOT just a observation.

Or when she saw us let DS do something: “Well, I don’t know if I like it that you let him do that. Hmm.”

I feel like she’s always judging or criticizing me. Our furniture, where we vacation, what movies we let the kids watch, why we did this, why we haven’t done that, why we do this that way, etc. It is always something. ALWAYS.

Your response every time should be "Hmm I DON'T like your comments and did not ask your opinion."


I’ve probably worked myself up and created a complex. I never know what to say so instead I stew internally. But even my DH reacts when she says certain things, so I know it’s not just me.

I’ve tried ignoring it. I’ve tried making it a game, anthat helps, but then I’m still annoyed in the end. I wish I was more “quippy”. Help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just flat out ask her why she so often criticizes your choices and when she says she doesn't do that, have a list ready in your head so you demonstrate to her that she does.

If you do this you already lost. This is a game you only win by not playing.

[Anonymous]

Repeat as needed: "hmmm well I don't know if I like your feedback on that."

[Anonymous]

Whenever my mil says something like that I say “it’s amazing how much things change over time isn’t it”. Rinse repeat 10000x

[Anonymous]

Chirpy and brightly:

"I can always count on you to share your opinions!"

"how quaint! You say every thought that goes through your head!"

"you don't have to like it- you're the grandma- just love him!"

I can grey rock but generally find it works better for me to address things verbally (even if I'm being fake). Plus DH knows my voice and when to step in and get someone away from me if they are being annoying.

[Anonymous]

"We like it this way"

"John (DH) and I prefer it this way"

"I actually really enjoyed it"

"We love it this way, the other way is too boring for us"

"I know some people prefer it the other way, but it is too mediocre for our taste, we prefer it our way"

"I know older women prefer it the other way, but I like the modern approach"

Mix it up, keep it light, change the subject, do not dwel on negative, focus on the positive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"We like it this way"

"John (DH) and I prefer it this way"

"I actually really enjoyed it"

"We love it this way, the other way is too boring for us"

"I know some people prefer it the other way, but it is too mediocre for our taste, we prefer it our way"

"I know older women prefer it the other way, but I like the modern approach"

Mix it up, keep it light, change the subject, do not dwel on negative, focus on the positive

This might be a little much!