Amicable divorce stories

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree, it is kind of gross hearing people talk about being amicable like it is a solution or some huge achievement. It's nice but doesn't really change a lot of the fundamental issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure. We separated with four kids. To be honest, we couldn't really talk to each other for the first three months. We both just truly needed a big break. Totally communicated through the kids. "Tell your mom I'll pick you up from school Wednesday and have the babies home by 7 and you guys home by 8pm." "Ask Dad to give you back the jacket you left with him last time."

Eventually we chilled out and wrote out what we wanted to do about custody and child support and spousal support and the house and money and the dog. Then around month 5 we went to a lawyer together. On paper she only represented me, but unofficially she did everything for both of us. We've been divorced now for over seven years and co-parent well together.

Why did you split?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All divorces are horrible for the kids

That's not true. My kids are fine. My ex-wife and I get along fine and the kids are happy as can be.

Now what I think is horrible are those people who stay together in a home filled with sad and angry or depressed intact parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All divorces are horrible for the kids

That's not true. My kids are fine. My ex-wife and I get along fine and the kids are happy as can be.

Now what I think is horrible are those people who stay together in a home filled with sad and angry or depressed intact parents.

Ask how happy they are when they're flying across the country between two sick elderly people who expect a cookie for not fighting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All divorces are horrible for the kids

That's not true. My kids are fine. My ex-wife and I get along fine and the kids are happy as can be.

Now what I think is horrible are those people who stay together in a home filled with sad and angry or depressed intact parents.

Ask how happy they are when they're flying across the country between two sick elderly people who expect a cookie for not fighting.

That is on you. Do not visit if you do not want to. This scenario is not a reason to stay in a marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All divorces are horrible for the kids

That's not true. My kids are fine. My ex-wife and I get along fine and the kids are happy as can be.

Now what I think is horrible are those people who stay together in a home filled with sad and angry or depressed intact parents.

Ask how happy they are when they're flying across the country between two sick elderly people who expect a cookie for not fighting.

That is on you. Do not visit if you do not want to. This scenario is not a reason to stay in a marriage.

That is not a real solution. They would not accept it and I am unwilling to let either of them die alone.

My parents achieved a good superficial relationship between themselves at the expense of having a good relationship with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All divorces are horrible for the kids

That's not true. My kids are fine. My ex-wife and I get along fine and the kids are happy as can be.

Now what I think is horrible are those people who stay together in a home filled with sad and angry or depressed intact parents.

Ask how happy they are when they're flying across the country between two sick elderly people who expect a cookie for not fighting.

That is on you. Do not visit if you do not want to. This scenario is not a reason to stay in a marriage.

That is not a real solution. They would not accept it and I am unwilling to let either of them die alone.

My parents achieved a good superficial relationship between themselves at the expense of having a good relationship with me.

You are an adult and your parents are people. Deal woth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All divorces are horrible for the kids

That's not true. My kids are fine. My ex-wife and I get along fine and the kids are happy as can be.

Now what I think is horrible are those people who stay together in a home filled with sad and angry or depressed intact parents.

Ask how happy they are when they're flying across the country between two sick elderly people who expect a cookie for not fighting.

That is on you. Do not visit if you do not want to. This scenario is not a reason to stay in a marriage.

That is not a real solution. They would not accept it and I am unwilling to let either of them die alone.

My parents achieved a good superficial relationship between themselves at the expense of having a good relationship with me.

You are an adult and your parents are people. Deal woth it.

Indeed, what alternative is there? I just wish they could understand that their expectations of me are unreasonable, and that no amount of self-congratulation for being amicable will change the logistics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All divorces are horrible for the kids

That's not true. My kids are fine. My ex-wife and I get along fine and the kids are happy as can be.

Now what I think is horrible are those people who stay together in a home filled with sad and angry or depressed intact parents.

Ask how happy they are when they're flying across the country between two sick elderly people who expect a cookie for not fighting.

That is on you. Do not visit if you do not want to. This scenario is not a reason to stay in a marriage.

That is not a real solution. They would not accept it and I am unwilling to let either of them die alone.

My parents achieved a good superficial relationship between themselves at the expense of having a good relationship with me.

You are an adult and your parents are people. Deal woth it.

Funny how that didn't apply to your marriage, that you chose to enter.

[Anonymous]

I caught my H (who has PTSD) cheating. I knew I had a 50/50 chance that he would blow his brains out if I kicked him out and my kids would be going to a house with a mentally ill father, every other weekend and Wednesdays.

I sat him down and told him he had to move the to the nanny suite and start therapy.

The 1st 6 months was rough on the kids - my son was the one who found out about the affair 1st.

We still live together 3 years later, he has just finished intense therapy (4 times a week) and found a more suitable job.

He will work on moving out over the next 9 months, slowly as to not slip back into deep depression.

I know most people imagine PTSD as somebody completely crazy bit that is not how it works. Actually, for my H he was just more quiet and reserved. There was no fighting, no blaming, not hatred or revenge schemes.

I knew he was ill and needed help and I got it for him just like if he had cancer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All divorces are horrible for the kids

That's not true. My kids are fine. My ex-wife and I get along fine and the kids are happy as can be.

Now what I think is horrible are those people who stay together in a home filled with sad and angry or depressed intact parents.

Ask how happy they are when they're flying across the country between two sick elderly people who expect a cookie for not fighting.

That is on you. Do not visit if you do not want to. This scenario is not a reason to stay in a marriage.

That is not a real solution. They would not accept it and I am unwilling to let either of them die alone.

My parents achieved a good superficial relationship between themselves at the expense of having a good relationship with me.

You are an adult and your parents are people. Deal woth it.

Funny how that didn't apply to your marriage, that you chose to enter.

Well, I didn't have kids so when my husband took to f****** strippers I divorced and moved on with life. That is all any of us can do -- keep moving forward. I choose to do that and I suggest you and PP do too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All divorces are horrible for the kids

That's not true. My kids are fine. My ex-wife and I get along fine and the kids are happy as can be.

Now what I think is horrible are those people who stay together in a home filled with sad and angry or depressed intact parents.

Ask how happy they are when they're flying across the country between two sick elderly people who expect a cookie for not fighting.

That is on you. Do not visit if you do not want to. This scenario is not a reason to stay in a marriage.

That is not a real solution. They would not accept it and I am unwilling to let either of them die alone.

My parents achieved a good superficial relationship between themselves at the expense of having a good relationship with me.

You are an adult and your parents are people. Deal woth it.

Indeed, what alternative is there? I just wish they could understand that their expectations of me are unreasonable, and that no amount of self-congratulation for being amicable will change the logistics.

Please find a good therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I caught my H (who has PTSD) cheating. I knew I had a 50/50 chance that he would blow his brains out if I kicked him out and my kids would be going to a house with a mentally ill father, every other weekend and Wednesdays.

I sat him down and told him he had to move the to the nanny suite and start therapy.

The 1st 6 months was rough on the kids - my son was the one who found out about the affair 1st.

We still live together 3 years later, he has just finished intense therapy (4 times a week) and found a more suitable job.

He will work on moving out over the next 9 months, slowly as to not slip back into deep depression.

I know most people imagine PTSD as somebody completely crazy bit that is not how it works. Actually, for my H he was just more quiet and reserved. There was no fighting, no blaming, not hatred or revenge schemes.

I knew he was ill and needed help and I got it for him just like if he had cancer.

Wow. Hats off to you. You sound like an amazing woman and mother.

[Anonymous]

The very reason for the divorce was the basis for an amicable separation. She was never really committed to the marriage. I think she thought her clock was running out and here was a good guy asking, so why not? I realized after a couple years she wanted to be married, just not to me. She kept everything separate: name, bank accounts, music CDs (if anyone remembers them). It wasn't just the material things, it was her whole philosophy about the relationship that was different than I imagined as a marriage. I asked her for a separation so she could think about whether she really wanted to stay married and went out and bought her own house. The path from separation to divorce was pretty easy from there. Not a single voice was raised during the whole evolution, nor a dollar spent on a lawyer, but that doesn't mean there weren't hurt feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents love to pat themselves on the back about their supposedly amicable divorce. I do appreciate that they can be superficially cordial and refrain from making public scenes. Still, it is a giant hassle for me. They both expect the same level of care and support that I could give them as a married couple living in the same location, and become angry at me when I try to set boundaries.

There is no Amicable Divorce Retirement Home where you get two units for the price of one. There is no Amicable Divorce Airline that lets you visit both for half price. Sometimes they are both sick at the same time and I must choose between them. It sucks. I hope all of you are prepared for this phase of life.

Too bad so sad. I'm not staying with a crap husband to make your life easier. Get over it.

Just understand that one thing you divide in the divorce is the amount of time your adult children can spend with you when you are very old. I am not busting my ass to compensate for your choice to divorce.

** and grandchildren