Amicable divorce stories
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Anonymous
| My parents divorced when I was 8 and I remember no hostility and nothing but friendship. I asked my mom a few years ago how she did that (my dad cheated) and she said she just took a year off from talking to him. Like literally circled 12 months to the date. She let herself have that year and got all her anger out and then on that 366th day just let it go. She was nothing but nice and complimentary of him to us and I totally don't remember that year. We always saw Dad on set days and neither one of them ever changed the schedule. That helps too. Consistency. |
Anonymous
He has a girlfriend but I've never met her. And I never want to either. I have a nice FWB. We will never get back together. |
Anonymous
Do you regret the divorce at all? Does he? |
Anonymous
No. We're better living apart. |
Anonymous
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It was my choice to leave. My exDH said he was voting with his feet so if I wanted to leave, I needed to leave and he would stay in the family home; that way his place would always be "home" to the kids even if their new home base was with me. Made sense to me. He also said we should do what was in the best interests of the kids, and it was in their best interests for both parents to live close by so the kids could walk between the houses. So he had no problem with very generous child support and splitting all assets equally so that I could afford to live nearby in an area that would otherwise have been out of my reach financially. We wrote out the terms of the agreement and each hired a lawyer just to check it over. We had a signed settlement agreement three weeks after separating.
We agreed in principle that I would have primary physical custody but did not spell out the details in the agreement. We never had a problem with that. In general the kids spent half of each weekend with their dad and a weekday evening (until bedtime, which was back at my place). The kids never seemed traumatized. Years later, they said to me, "We completely understand why you and Dad got divorced. You are both so much happier now and are with people who are better for you. We just don't understand why you got married in the first place, since you are so different." The kids actually saw more of their dad after the divorce than they had while we were married, because when they were with him he made a point of being with them (quality time) instead of being distracted by home chores, take-home work, etc. Their relationship with him seemed to get stronger after the divorce. He had been somewhat checked out of family life before the divorce, and he was more invested afterwards, during the time he spent with them. We didn't interact a whole lot about co-parenting, but it all worked out smoothly even if we might have had different priorities and approaches. We live in different states now but continue to be friendly at the occasional family gathering (graduation, funeral, rare holiday). We keep in occasional contact by email. He is in closer contact with his second exDW, which was also an amicable divorce after 10+ years. I cannot imagine how it could have gone more smoothly for all concerned! |
Anonymous
| I just had lunch with my XDH. We see each other about every other month or so just to catch up. Sometimes it's lunch and a movie, a hike, or drinks. We have no kids. I'm remarried with kids. XDH is in a serious relationship, no kids. We divorced using a financial counselor and divorce mediator. Didn't split things 50/50 but it still seemed fair to us |
Anonymous
| Filed in August, we were divorced in October. Went to lunch afterward and shared a drink. Might have gone to a movie together a couple of nights later, but we certainly caught movies together several times after we divorced. |
Anonymous
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My parents love to pat themselves on the back about their supposedly amicable divorce. I do appreciate that they can be superficially cordial and refrain from making public scenes. Still, it is a giant hassle for me. They both expect the same level of care and support that I could give them as a married couple living in the same location, and become angry at me when I try to set boundaries.
There is no Amicable Divorce Retirement Home where you get two units for the price of one. There is no Amicable Divorce Airline that lets you visit both for half price. Sometimes they are both sick at the same time and I must choose between them. It sucks. I hope all of you are prepared for this phase of life. |
Anonymous
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Mine's as amicable as can be expected under the circumstances. We've been legally divorced for almost 2 years, after a year separation and 5 years of marriage. XDH and I get along fairly well, we regularly spend time together as a family with us and our 3yo DD (family outings or dinners). At first there was anger and resentment over how things went down (emotional distance on my end and his avoidance issues that led to his request for divorce when I was 6 months pregnant) and then the stress when DD was born. It wasn't great when we first separated, needed time to come to terms with our new normal, so at first we onyl saw each other when we swapped DD or had a DD-related gathering (daycare event, birthday, santa visit, etc.). While we won't be hanging out one-on-one, we have no issue going on short weekend trips together as a family unit with DD or other small outings (lunch, santa brunch, etc.).
Thankfully neither of us have had to deal with a serious partner yet, so we'll cross that bridge when it comes. But we get along well now, having removed the pressure of the expectations of a husband/wife relationship or romantic relationship made it easier for us to be around each other when we don't expect too much of the other that they aren't willing to give. We were good friends before we got together and should've stayed that way rather than force a romatnic relationship. |
Anonymous
Too bad so sad. I'm not staying with a crap husband to make your life easier. Get over it. |
Anonymous
Just understand that one thing you divide in the divorce is the amount of time your adult children can spend with you when you are very old. I am not busting my ass to compensate for your choice to divorce. |
Anonymous
Don't worry. I will my $$$ to the dog. |
Anonymous
It's nice that you think you will have any. A lot of divorced couples consume all their savings on maintaining two households and having more hired help than they would otherwise need. |
Anonymous
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Sure. We separated with four kids. To be honest, we couldn't really talk to each other for the first three months. We both just truly needed a big break. Totally communicated through the kids. "Tell your mom I'll pick you up from school Wednesday and have the babies home by 7 and you guys home by 8pm." "Ask Dad to give you back the jacket you left with him last time."
Eventually we chilled out and wrote out what we wanted to do about custody and child support and spousal support and the house and money and the dog. Then around month 5 we went to a lawyer together. On paper she only represented me, but unofficially she did everything for both of us. We've been divorced now for over seven years and co-parent well together. |
Anonymous
| I agree, it is kind of gross hearing people talk about being amicable like it is a solution or some huge achievement. It's nice but doesn't really change a lot of the fundamental issues. |