Does a bad first year spell doom for your marriage ?

[Anonymous]

Not sure. I honestly didn't find the first year hard, even though one of us suffered a bout of unemployment, which led to a long-distance move...both of those are stressful but I was just so happy to be married to my spouse!

[Anonymous]

Our first year was easily the rockiest, probably in part because we had just moved in together and bought a house, and had our first baby ~7 months after getting married (and because I was sick as a dog for much of it). We're 7+ years and three kids in, and very happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first year was bad. I wish we divorced. Now there are kids. It is almost 10 years later. Seriously, get out now.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to have children. Your common love for the children and your work to together raising them will bring you together.

[Anonymous]

What is there to fight about?

Serious question, I just don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Relationship counselor here. FWIW I can say that the biggest mistake I see engaged people making is assuming that their dating bliss/chemistry will be sustained throughout their marriage. This is actually a pretty common mistake to make, and because it's often embarrassing for newlyweds to talk about, there's little opportunity to normalize it.

That initial spark isn't supposed to last. It brings you together, but then the work is building a deeper, more mature intimacy and deciding together what you want your life together and your relationship to look like.

If this sounds familiar, then you need to start looking at the facets of your life that need work and figure them out together. Whether or not this particular relationship ends up lasting, it's useful to have a good understanding of what makes a happy and mutually satisfying relationship happen.

Bumping this because it's really important

[Anonymous]

My co-worker is in an arranged marriage, they talked for 30 minutes the first time they met. Then met again months later to marry. He said in India the understanding is that the first 3-4 years are hard but then much better.

[Anonymous]

Good God, OP. Don’t post and then just go MIA. Rude

[Anonymous]

Get counseling. Even if there were external stressors, you guys need to be able to deal with them without constantly fighting . And don't have children before you can handle life stressors

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to have children. Your common love for the children and your work to together raising them will bring you together.

Horrible advice.

This is pretty strong advice. The cultures with the most stable marriages have marital life focused on family, not short term romantic pursuits. To save your marriage commit to having children as soon as possible.

[Anonymous]

It did for me. I'm much happier now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to have children. Your common love for the children and your work to together raising them will bring you together.

Horrible advice.

This is pretty strong advice. The cultures with the most stable marriages have marital life focused on family, not short term romantic pursuits. To save your marriage commit to having children as soon as possible.

Dear god, would you stop it with this.

[Anonymous]

First year of my marriage was bad. Had two kids, it got worse and worse. Finally divorced after 8 years. It's been hell on the kids, and I always wish I would go back and divorce right away. But every situation is different, so I'd recommend a counselor pronto.

[Anonymous]

We had a terrible first half of our marriage- no money, law school stress, then we had kids and still no money, then it just got better. We just didn’t get divorced. Then we made more money and things are better. After awhile we had so much history it’s not worth getting divorced. DH is my best friend and advisor. I appreciate his good qualities a lot more. I still think he is very handsome and we have been married for 11 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will say this...every time I've seen a couple on Facebook write a 1 year anniversary post that alludes to their "ups and downs," that couple later divorces.

Ridiculous. Most people, I would hope, wouldn’t post the intimate details of their marriage on stupid Facebook. I think that what that is illustrating is not the state of their marriage but gross immaturity.
Also I’d be more worried about those that post their ‘perfect marriage’ photos - those people are more likely to literally kill each other some day.

That escalated quickly.