Mild ADHD, exasperated parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take him to school in his pjs one day. Maybe have a hoodie in the car. My DD is 20, and I can tell you that the more I did for her the worse she became when she was younger. ADHD kids understand cause and effect very well.

No. You don’t try to humiliate a kid b/c parents can’t get it together.

Agree. The kid needs to develop the skills he doesn't have. That's our job!

[Anonymous]

Op, you'll need to help him scaffold skills. He's going to need help to get from point a to point b.

[Anonymous]

Op here: thank you. I feel much better. I almost didn’t post but glad I did.

[Anonymous]

Is this a new diagnosis? If so, suggest packing some patience and learning to deal with it until you can implement some strategies and tools. Look at all reasonable treatments. It could take you months to find the right meds/side effect balance. Why not try behavioral therapy first? DS was diagnosed with ADHD combined years ago. We went through behavioral therapy, added timers and checklists, learned to make sure that we maintained DS's attention when we were asking him to do something, built in time for DS to get distracted because it will happen, and added a whole heck of a lot of patience. Talk to your child about expectations every day. Just because they have a diagnosis doesn't mean that they get off scot-free all the time. Fast forward a few years, we no longer use checklist for every day things like getting dressed, but we still use timers. I can set him off on a task and he will get the whole task done if the right directions are given. I learned to work with the person that he is and he's learned to try to stay engaged. While we are still med-free at 11 yrs old, we haven't ruled it out as a possibility in the future as things get more complex in school.

[Anonymous]

DS was diagnosed "tentatively" when he was 6, when he was exhibiting a ton of severe symptoms. However, he focused just enough for the test the doctor gave him, and therefore the doctor could not be sure about the diagnosis.

Then at 10, he was given a more in-depth evaluation at Stixrud's, and was diagnosed with moderate to severe ADHD. That fit our observations so much better!

He started meds at 10 and his life changed completely. We regretted waiting that long to re-test him... but my husband was very reluctant to revisit the subject. He wanted to believe the first doctor.

So you'll have to be patient, OP, and plan to retest your son in a few years, with a more through evaluation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: interesting about the timer. He knows to read the time and while I am getting dressed to take him to school, he keeps calling out 'it is 7:55' etc. but when so come out, he is sitting around on the floor putting together a puzzle, still in his Jammie's while his clothes are laid out for him on the sofa. I don't know what I should do short of dressing him up or standing next to him and coaching him to get dressed. Same with breakfast or practically any other activity.

Another issue is that he won't acknowledge instructions. So, I don't know if he is willfully ignoring me or if he just can't stop to say yes or something different.

Have him get dressed in the same room you are getting ready in. Tackle it together.

[Anonymous]

I totally get this. My kid was a combination of slow as (*&@ in the AM and bouncing off the walls at school/after school. We delayed medication as long as possible with a combination of patient teachers, behavioral interventions at home, strategic parenting (we didn't/don't parent his non-ADHD twin the same way we parent him), lots of frustration, and reading books.

We made it until 7th grade before we had to start medicating him. When he grads plummeted and his self esteem was awful (because he was constantly getting 'in trouble'.)

Yes, it helps....when he at school. It doesn't help the mornings with his slowness. He takes his medication with breakfast and it kicks in around the time we walks into the school. We just hobble along in the AM the best we can with a ton of reminders and LOTS of prodding/pushing.

And by the time he gets home from school, we have about 2-3 before the meds wear off (this is great for homework/sports practice) and we are back in an unmedicated slog of getting ready for bed.

In reality, his medication helps ME very little (the weekends are better- but weekends weren't really our issue.) But it helps HIM in school. He went from from a C/D student to a A/B student, his self esteem improved, he is a better athlete...

...but the mornings and evenings still suck.