Mild ADHD, exasperated parent
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Anonymous
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OP, I completely understand where you're coming, but I would advise you not to medicate my child just because it's more convenient for you. Usually at this age you medicate because the child could endanger himself or others or because he's showing signs of depression. I know it seems like torture to have to stand there oversee minor daily tasks like getting him to put on his socks and then his shoes and then his jacket.
Try things like a check list, a timer, and rewards first and wait it out another year. He may outgrow it. Meds can be great but they are not perfect and there are side effects for most medications that are far worse than having a kid who does things slowly. |
Anonymous
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OP here: interesting about the timer. He knows to read the time and while I am getting dressed to take him to school, he keeps calling out 'it is 7:55' etc. but when so come out, he is sitting around on the floor putting together a puzzle, still in his Jammie's while his clothes are laid out for him on the sofa. I don't know what I should do short of dressing him up or standing next to him and coaching him to get dressed. Same with breakfast or practically any other activity.
Another issue is that he won't acknowledge instructions. So, I don't know if he is willfully ignoring me or if he just can't stop to say yes or something different. |
Anonymous
| Take him to school in his pjs one day. Maybe have a hoodie in the car. My DD is 20, and I can tell you that the more I did for her the worse she became when she was younger. ADHD kids understand cause and effect very well. |
Anonymous
| Agree with other PPs above who suggest checklists, timers, rewards. My DC sounds just like yours but now 9. I’d suggest focusing first on the most problematic challenge and create a checklist and use if every time and set a timer for steps in the list. Just looking at the clock doesn’t work for ADHD kids, they just ignore it. The timer needs to make a sound or vibrate like others have mentioned. For us the bedtime routine was a big challenge. I created a visual checklist of all the steps on a magnet board and as my DC finished a step she would move the magnet (with a picture of the step on it) from one place to another. And we used a simple kitchen timer that made a ticking noise and went off after so many minutes as a reminder that “it’s time to get out of the tub and dressed,” for example. ADHD kids need routines broken into small pieces and it needs to be reinforced over and over and initially they need your oversight. They finally get it but it takes a lot of work and it takes longer for them to do it independently than non-adhd kids. It is exhausting! |
Anonymous
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When talking to him - first place your hand lightly on his arm or shoulder. It helps the child cue in to what you are saying.
Like a PP said rewards but one small task at a time. EG focus on getting dressed independently. Until that is mastered help him through the rest. Developmentally your child’s executive function skills are probably ~3 years behind his age. That part of his brain is still basically a toddler and isn’t able to meet your expectations yet. |
Anonymous
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OP here: sorry for all the typos.
Thanks for the advice. It looks like I need to school myself first on these strategies. Our doc's 'wait and see' approach doesn't seem to be working. What are some resources I can use to learn these strategies? |
Anonymous
| My son is autistic and ADHD combined. One of the best things we started doing is having him sleep in his clothes. It seemed weird to me at first, but getting dressed was a huge battle and only doing it once per day is so much better. |
Anonymous
The website additudemag.com website has lots of quick reads, with links to lengthier resources. They also host free webinars from time to time Example: https://www.additudemag.com/inattentive-adhd-in-kids/ The organization CHADD has chapters all over -- and puts together seminars and workshops http://www.chadd.org/ There must be a zillion books out -- some ones that were recommended to us. We've taken a few ideas from each to see what works for our child at different times. https://www.amazon.com/dp/1462507891/?tag=lifescrcom08-20 https://www.amazon.com/dp/1593854455/?tag=lifescrcom08-20 https://www.amazon.com/dp/1581104510/?tag=lifescrcom08-20 |
Anonymous
Are you kidding me? It is not a disease. It is a set of character traits. Are they hard to manage as a parent? Yes. My son has severe ADHD, but I would never call it a disease. I am thankful everyday, in fact, that he is healthy. So many of you give this diagnosis entirely way too much weight. |
Anonymous
But please keep in mind, but additudemag.com and CHADD are created and sponsored by pharmaceuticals. I agree that there are good resources there, but don't get overwhelmed with the assumptions made about medicating. Signed, A mom of a DS who does take medication, but with great care and caution |
Anonymous
You can't give him instructionS, you need to give him 1 instruction at a time. Time each one. I found that once I used the timer, my very impatient H realized that my son was doing everything in the time expected but that 2 minutes feels like 10 to him. No. Don't dress him. Sit there and say okay you have 2 minutes to get dressed. Put on timer, sit and wait. He gets a star if he make the time and after 10 stars he gets ice cream at night. |
Anonymous
+1 We did this until 2nd grade. It made a big difference in our mornings. |
Anonymous
Why in the world would you punish a kid because he hasn't yet learned to manage his disability. OP, it takes a long time and a lot of trials of different strategies. And it does get better. We pretty much built our life around teaching strategies. We put shelves and a shoe bench by the door so everything had a place. We specified where everything went, including like at school your gloves go into your coat pocket. We used checklists on a clipboard. Early on we let our son develop his own homework strategies. But it takes time and while they are learning, you do dress them and tie shoes and whatever else needs to be done. |
Anonymous
No. You don’t try to humiliate a kid b/c parents can’t get it together. |
Anonymous
It’s technically a disorder. It’s how your brain is wired affecting certain traits maybe. |