Two family weddings abroad, two months apart....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s obvious that you want permission to go to yours and not your DH’s family wedding, OP. But I really think the solution is to not go to either. Otherwise there will be hurt feelings. Plan another trip and visit both families another time.

Yes, you're seeking absolution here OP, and we're not the ones who can provide that. As others said earlier, you and DH should each go alone to the wedding related to your family, and leave kids at home. Yes, both families want to see the kids, but well, you can't always get what you want.

Who would watch DC?

[Anonymous]

Just tell us the country already ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all go to the first wedding. DH can go solo (or not) to the second. Done.

this

[Anonymous]

You all go to first wedding. Drop kids with your parents to stay a month with them. You & DH return to pick up kids and attend the second wedding as a family before flying back home. That way kids don’t have to go thru jet lag x 2, and you save on one round of tickets for the kids.

[Anonymous]

My MIL calls me the bad guy to her family so I do have some experience with that. If her side of the family is concentrated somewhere you should travel domestically to see them, and ideally BEFORE the wedding, and prove to them you’re a lovely person who cares about them and wants them to see your kids. Then when she goes to the destination wedding her complaints about you will fall on deaf ears.

I have done this. It worked perfectly. MIL’s family of course knows MIL is a bit nutty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all go to first wedding. Drop kids with your parents to stay a month with them. You & DH return to pick up kids and attend the second wedding as a family before flying back home. That way kids don’t have to go thru jet lag x 2, and you save on one round of tickets for the kids.

If feasible and kids are over age 4 this is brilliant. The kids will have a lovely experience and memories to last a lifetime.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a wonderful opportunity to see your family. I got married in my husband's home country and it was great. We returned a year later for a wedding like the one you described (bil) and had a blast. Saw everyone. Did fun stuff.. There was a ton of family time. You will have fun with your extended family. Since it is just a normal wedding, for everyone but the bride and groom, the trip won't be about the wedding all the time.

It is my policy to never go to destination weddings. Just too complicated and who really wants to be in a resort like that for days on end without any control? It isn't even the bride who wants you there, but another guest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL calls me the bad guy to her family so I do have some experience with that. If her side of the family is concentrated somewhere you should travel domestically to see them, and ideally BEFORE the wedding, and prove to them you’re a lovely person who cares about them and wants them to see your kids. Then when she goes to the destination wedding her complaints about you will fall on deaf ears.

I have done this. It worked perfectly. MIL’s family of course knows MIL is a bit nutty.

Awesome!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s obvious that you want permission to go to yours and not your DH’s family wedding, OP. But I really think the solution is to not go to either. Otherwise there will be hurt feelings. Plan another trip and visit both families another time.

Yes, you're seeking absolution here OP, and we're not the ones who can provide that. As others said earlier, you and DH should each go alone to the wedding related to your family, and leave kids at home. Yes, both families want to see the kids, but well, you can't always get what you want.

Who would watch DC?

The parent that stayed home. One parent travels, one parent stays home with kids for each wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, you could attend your cousins wedding and DH could attend his cousins wedding...

Do you have kids? That would be the only tricky part.

OP here. Yes, we have kids. So, separate trips, in this instance, is not a possibility - because BOTH sides want to see the children. It would have to be one wedding or the other.

If his side is a destination wedding, is it possible to bring kids to see that side at different time? If not, go to the destination wedding and while you are there extend your trip to also go see your side of the family in that country.

OP here. I could never do this, because if my family finds out that we went to the other wedding, and not theirs, they will be really hurt. They would not tell me they were hurt, but it would be insulting that I would think of going to another wedding before theirs. I was thinking that the destination wedding would not have other children, so it may be awkward?

What if MIL and DH’s family hurt if you miss theirs? Do their hurt feelings not count?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, you could attend your cousins wedding and DH could attend his cousins wedding...

Do you have kids? That would be the only tricky part.

OP here. Yes, we have kids. So, separate trips, in this instance, is not a possibility - because BOTH sides want to see the children. It would have to be one wedding or the other.

If his side is a destination wedding, is it possible to bring kids to see that side at different time? If not, go to the destination wedding and while you are there extend your trip to also go see your side of the family in that country.

OP here. I could never do this, because if my family finds out that we went to the other wedding, and not theirs, they will be really hurt. They would not tell me they were hurt, but it would be insulting that I would think of going to another wedding before theirs. I was thinking that the destination wedding would not have other children, so it may be awkward?

What if MIL and DH’s family hurt if you miss theirs? Do their hurt feelings not count?

NP. Not when they make a ridiculous demand/request that nobody sane would ever even consider.

Just go see your family, OP. Let DH let his mom know that you all have no interest in spending $$$ plus time to go to a vanity event for people you hardly know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. DH is indifferent, because he does not really know that part of his family - big age differences, and not a lot in common, in general. They don't really make the effort.

Yes, we could see his family here - to answer other PP - including those who are getting married.

This is a no brainer, OP.

Go to the wedding of the people you are close to.

Decline the destination wedding.

DH can handle his mom. And if she already dislikes you for no good reason, stop caring about her opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does your husband think/want to do?

Go to the wedding on your side and MIL can suck it. International travel for a THIRD wedding? For someone your husband isn’t at all close too? No.

This. If you can’t go separately, do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all go to the first wedding. DH can go solo (or not) to the second. Done.

this

I agree. There are compelling reasons to go to the first wedding. If your husband wants to go to the destination wedding, he can go. If he doesn't even really want to go, then it's not on you. If your MIL gives you grief, refer her to your husband. She might well try to make you the bad guy, but it sounds like she does this anyway, so who cares?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all go to first wedding. Drop kids with your parents to stay a month with them. You & DH return to pick up kids and attend the second wedding as a family before flying back home. That way kids don’t have to go thru jet lag x 2, and you save on one round of tickets for the kids.

If feasible and kids are over age 4 this is brilliant. The kids will have a lovely experience and memories to last a lifetime.

My parents are not physically able to babysit for a month? And they live in the states. OP here.