S/O Are men born less emotional or are they conditioned to act that way?

[Anonymous]

I don't repress or ignore my emotions. I just don't show them. It was definitely a survival mechanism growing up. In elementary school I would cry at the drop of a hat. I didn't want to get my ass kicked in middle school, so I stopped doing that. Plus, girls didn't seem too interested in the nice, emotional guys. Being an asshole has gotten me more women than being a nice guy. There's something about being special and unlocking my soft side that the women I've dated seem to appreciate.

When I'm alone, I explore my thoughts and emotions a great deal. It's like running a self diagnostic. Hell, I even tear up in some movies when no one's around. When I'm at work or out in the real world, I'm the person people call in a crisis because they say I have no emotions.

[Anonymous]

Cultural conditioning plays a factor but it's more than that. A lot more than that.

I'm reminded of the time I happened to be at a mall where there was some sort of gaming event going on and some famous "gamer" was going to be there. The crowd was 90+ male. Teen to young 20s men. Very few women. And I'm sure at least half the women there were girlfriends rather than on their own. Let's not pretend this is due entirely to cultural conditioning, especially in this day and age.

My personal observation is that men do develop less patience and tolerance for emotions as they age. The cultural conditioning reinforces it but it still happens one way or another. They are much quicker to move on, they stand up to pain more easily. They tend to experience emotions in intense bursts and then quickly get over and move on. They don't see the point of dwelling on it, something happened and can't be undone and let's just move on. For similar reasons I find men more laid back and tolerant for a lot more things than women. They have a greater let and live attitude.

[Anonymous]

We've all been brainwashed into being something we are not for many many years. Dr. Feel Good also help smother any emotions we may have yet no one seems to get that.

Between the dope and feminists it's a wonder any male has emotions period. The powers that be have the women where they want them, the men are now the target.

You wanted beta males ? You got them. Along with laziness, no bonding, make me money attitude, I don't NEED any man in my life, you ask these questions.

Really ? Just check out all the commercials playing now. The answers are right in your face daily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Probably a bit of both. I feel guilty and run around like crazy to make sure DC has a red shirt if is red shirt day because I don’t want her to fell sad or left out. My DH looks at me like i’m crazy.

You’re crazy. Worry about the important stuff. Don’t worry about the stuff considered important by the same people who demand you provide specific-colored metric crayons that never get used.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think men and women don't get emotional about the same things. Do men care about what their SIL said? No. They wouldn't care as much. Men would pretty much get emotional if someone keyed their cars or slept with their wives.

True

For example I showed my Dzh this website and he thought it was the most the inane idiotic sites hes ever seen. He commented that the women on here are petty and crazy. I think this site is a prime example of the differences in the sexes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Conditioning. And I think it starts early. I’ve seen men of all races and social classes tell their crying toddler or preschooler sons to essentially man up. One man on the Metro yelled at his toddler who was seeking a comforting kiss to “stop that f*ggy stuff” and then slammed the child into his seat. I’ve never seen a child shut down emotionally that fast. It was like a light clicked off. He just sat there stunnedand silent until they got off at the next stop.

Oh wow. That's terrible.

That guy is a d*ck!

This kind of interaction with boys was not at all unusual until recently. It’s really only with millennial parents, and even then only in relatively educated circles, that this kind of thing has largely stopped. I remember being slapped until I stopped crying. This would be widely seen as abusive today, but it was not that unusual even back in the 1980s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think men and women don't get emotional about the same things. Do men care about what their SIL said? No. They wouldn't care as much. Men would pretty much get emotional if someone keyed their cars or slept with their wives.

True

For example I showed my Dzh this website and he thought it was the most the inane idiotic sites hes ever seen. He commented that the women on here are petty and crazy. I think this site is a prime example of the differences in the sexes.

Well, it would obviously depend on what the SIL said, but I agree in a general sense.

[Anonymous]

This somewhat recent NYTimes article is relevant:
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/14/upshot/gender-stereotypes-survey-girls-boys.html

Boys said strength and toughness were the male character traits most valued by society. Three-quarters said they felt pressure to be physically strong, and a majority felt pressure to play sports.

Asked what society expects boys to do when they feel angry, the largest shares said they were supposed to be aggressive or be quiet and suck it up. When they felt sad or scared, they felt pressure to hide those feelings or to be tough and strong instead. Girls were more able to express themselves by crying, screaming or talking about their feelings, respondents said.
. . .
“It’s not just girls who get hurt,” said Barbara Risman, a sociology professor at the University of Illinois at Chicago, who studies young people’s gender attitudes. “I call it boys policing each other to be boyish, particularly when showing emotions or wanting to do something considered feminine, like volleyball or ballet. They have the sense that they can’t stray a bit.”

In Happy Valley, boys said the qualities they valued most in themselves were ambition and intelligence — but they were deeply aware that society valued male strength.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Probably a bit of both. I feel guilty and run around like crazy to make sure DC has a red shirt if is red shirt day because I don’t want her to fell sad or left out. My DH looks at me like i’m crazy.

For what it’s worth, your son probably appreciates it. I know I would have. I think your DH is reacting more to the hassle of having to have a special colored shirt day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This somewhat recent NYTimes article is relevant:
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/14/upshot/gender-stereotypes-survey-girls-boys.html

Boys said strength and toughness were the male character traits most valued by society. Three-quarters said they felt pressure to be physically strong, and a majority felt pressure to play sports.

Asked what society expects boys to do when they feel angry, the largest shares said they were supposed to be aggressive or be quiet and suck it up. When they felt sad or scared, they felt pressure to hide those feelings or to be tough and strong instead. Girls were more able to express themselves by crying, screaming or talking about their feelings, respondents said.
. . .
“It’s not just girls who get hurt,” said Barbara Risman, a sociology professor at the University of Illinois at Chicago, who studies young people’s gender attitudes. “I call it boys policing each other to be boyish, particularly when showing emotions or wanting to do something considered feminine, like volleyball or ballet. They have the sense that they can’t stray a bit.”

In Happy Valley, boys said the qualities they valued most in themselves were ambition and intelligence — but they were deeply aware that society valued male strength.

This is true, but the opposite sex does just as much policing of gender roles.

[Anonymous]

I dont know. Im a woman and my husband tells me I've no empathy. He is more understanding whereas I will hold a grudge for thirty years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Conditioning. And I think it starts early. I’ve seen men of all races and social classes tell their crying toddler or preschooler sons to essentially man up. One man on the Metro yelled at his toddler who was seeking a comforting kiss to “stop that f*ggy stuff” and then slammed the child into his seat. I’ve never seen a child shut down emotionally that fast. It was like a light clicked off. He just sat there stunnedand silent until they got off at the next stop.

Oh wow. That's terrible.

That guy is a d*ck!

This kind of interaction with boys was not at all unusual until recently. It’s really only with millennial parents, and even then only in relatively educated circles, that this kind of thing has largely stopped. I remember being slapped until I stopped crying. This would be widely seen as abusive today, but it was not that unusual even back in the 1980s.

Just stop ediucated millennials do the same stuff. Women re-enforce this culture. You can see it on the playgrounds.

[Anonymous]

As someone who is raising two boys, I would guess based on my experience it is conditioned. Because I can tell you that as babies and toddlers and boys they have exhibited extremes of emotion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agreed. Conditioned. Men and boys have the same full range of emotions as females. Men are taught to repress certain displays of emotions. Emotions still remain.

Hugs OP. You sound like a great Dad.

Is it better to repress? Context. Men crying at work not socially OK. Keep the carrot, lose the stick.

FWIW, I’m more like a dude, I repress pretty much everything but still have feelings. You’d have to peel back an enormous layer of my onion self to really know me. And I’m a vulnerable huge feeler on the inside, like everyone else I assume.

We all carry emotional baggage. My kids don’t get why I rarely cry. I created emotional battle armor to hide the little scared girl on the inside.

It’s great you’re thinking about your son’s emotional range. To start, you need to model expressing uncomfortable feelings in healthy ways. I do too.

Woman

Hormones influence emotions.

Men and women have different hormonal composition.

Some of it is nurture, but an equal amount if not more of it is nature.

For sure, women and men are biologically, hormonally different. To what extent nature is a %, we’d have to create some pretty awful experiments to prove various theories on the matter.

I rarely cry. Not at work, not over spilled milk. I am calm as a cucumber and I’ve got raging amounts of estrogen. I was a first born with a lot of responsibilities and I was just born cool headed perhaps. Some may even think despondent. I’m an observer personality. In a crisis, I’m just logical. I’ve met many women and men like myself, there’s more to it than gender and hormones.

I did cry my eyes out after Sandy Hook. But I think anyone with a beating heart did the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agreed. Conditioned. Men and boys have the same full range of emotions as females. Men are taught to repress certain displays of emotions. Emotions still remain.

Hugs OP. You sound like a great Dad.

Is it better to repress? Context. Men crying at work not socially OK. Keep the carrot, lose the stick.

FWIW, I’m more like a dude, I repress pretty much everything but still have feelings. You’d have to peel back an enormous layer of my onion self to really know me. And I’m a vulnerable huge feeler on the inside, like everyone else I assume.

We all carry emotional baggage. My kids don’t get why I rarely cry. I created emotional battle armor to hide the little scared girl on the inside.

It’s great you’re thinking about your son’s emotional range. To start, you need to model expressing uncomfortable feelings in healthy ways. I do too.

Woman

Hormones influence emotions.

Men and women have different hormonal composition.

Some of it is nurture, but an equal amount if not more of it is nature.

For sure, women and men are biologically, hormonally different. To what extent nature is a %, we’d have to create some pretty awful experiments to prove various theories on the matter.

I rarely cry. Not at work, not over spilled milk. I am calm as a cucumber and I’ve got raging amounts of estrogen. I was a first born with a lot of responsibilities and I was just born cool headed perhaps. Some may even think despondent. I’m an observer personality. In a crisis, I’m just logical. I’ve met many women and men like myself, there’s more to it than gender and hormones.

I did cry my eyes out after Sandy Hook. But I think anyone with a beating heart did the same.

I'm a woman and I didn't. I got ragingly pissed off.

I think the biggest surprise I ever got was finding out my father...had feelings. It took the wind out of me. And now I know that he is super sensitive and I try to remember that in dealing with him.