Do you judge a woman by her husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are they nice guys? DC isn't exactly a hot spot for good looking people.

+1 why is this? I miss being able to see good looking men on a daily basis .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My male neighbor is the biggest jerk around. He's been rude to everyone on the street (and it's a short cul de sac so everyone talks) including me, twice. His wife has to be a special kind of stupid to have married him, and stay with him. I could never take her seriously. So yes, I do judge her.

What does he do that irks you so much? I suspect that DH isn’t liked very much by neighbors because he’s not afraid to tell people their grass needs mowing, they need HOA approval, etc.

PP, why does your husband feel the need to get in your neighbors business? Why not mind his own business and let the HOA take care of the situation if it is really that dire? This doesn’t embarrass you?

No, it doesn’t embarrass me. We are all supposed to abide by HOA rules, which exist to help protect our property values. If you paint your house a funky color that’s not on the approved color list, put up a fence without permission, or neglect to maintain your property according to the rules, he will report it. The HOA only acts on things they know about. I’m glad he notices what’s happening in the neighborhood and takes proactive measures as a property owner. I don’t care so much about being buddies with the neighbors

[Anonymous]

Many guys with dumpy woman cause they wanted children.

No. Think of the extent to which women in this area are super-picky. Right now someone is griping about men here being unattractive. Women generally speaking hold out for a guy who raises their status: money, education, etc.

Those women effectively do not exist in the dating pool; they’ve priced themselves out of the market. So we date women who are in the dating pool.

[Anonymous]

No, I don't judge a woman by how attractive her husband is. Maybe he used to be better-looking, but age does a number on all of us. Maybe he's an incredibly nice, loving, supportive person. Maybe he has a great sense of humor. Maybe he's a super parent. Maybe he's dynamite in the sack. People change over the course of a marriage, and she might have married a very different person.

I judge people based on their character, not their looks, and certainly not the looks of the people around them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised at how many women I see with frumpy-looking men in my area. The husbands are overweight with bald spots and paunches. They're not even 40!

I just look at them and wonder why the woman married him...but I'm not going to say anything to her about it.

Why are you judging these men by how they look? Why not judge them by their kindness, generosity, ability to forgive, humor, etc? Is marriage solely focused on looks and athleticism to you? If you're going to be shallow, well, you might as well go to the max and ask how long their third leg is.

I judge your husband by how shallow you are. Sheesh.

I think OP is just making a point about how often DCUM is harsh on women who gasp! didn’t maintain the figure and grooming habits of a childless 20 something.

[Anonymous]

Actually I was thinking the same thing about men with dumpy wives. Then I realized how shallow I was being.

[Anonymous]

I have compassion for women married to assholes. I've been there. It was a huge mistake I ever married my ex but I did and then we had children. He took such great pleasure in being rude to people and didn't help at all with parenting. I realized I had made a huge mistake but I was stuck and very lonely. I finally found the courage to leave and that was a hard road, too. Definitely set back my lifestyle but freed me from his negativity. With that said, because we share children we still are in each others lives and I do my best to get along with this man because he's my kids' father. I understand why women stay because the leaving is hard and they don't want broken families. These are tough choices. So, I choose to have compassion for what is probably a difficult marriage.

[Anonymous]

don't you bitter old harpies have anything productive to do

[Anonymous]

Choice of spouse is one of the most important life decisions a person makes, so yes I judge them on that choice.

[Anonymous]

I've been married to someone who was pretty attractive but not a nice person inside and cheated on me when DD was just a baby. Now I'm remarried to someone who is older, bald, and shorter (but tall where it counts if you know what I mean). I'm very attracted to him. If people judge based on what's attractive in the conventional sense, they are missing that he's an amazing person who treats DD and me amazingly well. I feel very lucky. Judge on character.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised at how many women I see with frumpy-looking men in my area. The husbands are overweight with bald spots and paunches. They're not even 40!

I just look at them and wonder why the woman married him...but I'm not going to say anything to her about it.

Oh please, you can say the same thing about women who looked good at 25 and then went to pot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you want a dude to do about his bald spot? A toupee? Please.

We've gone far past that. Every junior congressman has graduated to hair replacement surgery. All I'm saying is if a woman can have a c-section scar you can do something about that hairline.

Wow. I don't know what it is about this hair obsession with some folks. Men lose their hair. Period. It is the lucky man who doesn't. Not all women think it is unattractive, as long as they keep it short and tidy and don't do a comb-over.

+100. My DH just keeps his hair very short, and it looks fine. I'm sure that he wishes that he still had a full head of hair, but it doesn't bother me at all. (all the men on my mom's side of the family have a bald spot, so I don't know how I could judge on that characteristic, since I'm likely carrying those genes as well....just lucky enough to have two X Chromosomes and therefore not have to deal with it.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised at how many women I see with frumpy-looking men in my area. The husbands are overweight with bald spots and paunches. They're not even 40!

I just look at them and wonder why the woman married him...but I'm not going to say anything to her about it.

Money and power play a role but also, a "catch" isn't always just defined by physical appearance. I know a few frumpy, middle-class men with hot wives.

(Not me - I'm a frumpy, middle-class man who married to type. )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I don't judge a woman by how attractive her husband is. Maybe he used to be better-looking, but age does a number on all of us. Maybe he's an incredibly nice, loving, supportive person. Maybe he has a great sense of humor. Maybe he's a super parent. Maybe he's dynamite in the sack. People change over the course of a marriage, and she might have married a very different person.

I judge people based on their character, not their looks, and certainly not the looks of the people around them.

This. Thank you for being a voice of reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised at how many women I see with frumpy-looking men in my area. The husbands are overweight with bald spots and paunches. They're not even 40!

I just look at them and wonder why the woman married him...but I'm not going to say anything to her about it.

Oh please, you can say the same thing about women who looked good at 25 and then went to pot.

But you better not, because criticizing the appearance of women on DCUM is a big giant no-no.