Help me help my ADHD middle schooler

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you (almost) everyone for your helpful replies.

18:00, thank you for calling me a twit. It is appreciated [sarcasm]. I KNOW that I am being inflexible, but I am having a hard time with my son being so stubborn about his refusal in having a planner or any help with ensuring that his schoolwork is completed and on time.

My DH has agreed that we need to try again with the planner. We are going to talk about it with our son again and I'm going to use some of the suggestions in this chat.

The school does have a resource class, and we may sign him up for that (he would have to miss one of his regular classes, not the electives). He may have an easier time listening to someone who is not his parent(s).

This child does not have a focus problem. We have been watching for ADHD since he was young because my DH has it, and one of our younger kids has the inattentive type of ADHD. These two kids are nothing alike and their ADHD does not manifest in the same way AT ALL. For instance, our other child is incredibly organized, but we do need to repeatedly tell her to focus and time their homework; otherwise, they would spend 2 hours doing something that should take 15 minutes. For our son, he's so focused it would only take 5 minutes to do the same work. It would just be sloppy, but it would be done.

I'm also going to talk to the pediatrician about the Executive Function skills. Hopefully they will have some referrals for us.

Thanks again. I'm going to share this chat with my DH. Although he and his brother (and a bunch of our friends) have ADHD, it's good to hear what has worked for other people. Maybe some of those will work for us too.

You need to understand your son’s disability in order to support him.

ADD runs in families. He does have a focus problem. He is not stubborn. He is struggling and is not at fault for being wired the way he is.

You need a specialist to help. His pediatrician will not suffice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The ADHD brain takes years longer to mature compared to the average brain. If you don’t help him, you will close doors for him for ever. If you help him now, he will get through this difficult time and become more functional than he is now as an adult. Your relationship will also be better!

And if you really want to help him, you must medicate him - this is the only way that enough brain function will be liberated to learn study skills and organization, so that he can apply them fully in college where you won’t be there to help him! Depending on the severity of his ADHD, he may only need pharmacological treatment for a few years.

It is downright abusive to refuse organizational help, and treatment od some form, either behavioral or medical, to a patient with ADHD. It’s neglect that will have lifelong consequences.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
SPOT on. I am an above poster who explained how my kid uses his planner in an mcps middle school. The above pp describes exactly how I suspect it will go when said son gets to high school and teachers no longer tell the kids to write down their hw in their planners. PP, has your daughter ever tried to use her phone to photograph the hw assignment? Fwiw, college may actually seem easier since you get a syllabus which lays out all hw and assignments, and also you can sit in the classroom after class as long as you like to gather your things and jot stuff down, since you don't usually have a back to back class.

She's not allowed to use her phone during school, but that's a great idea. It could also help to get quick snap shots of notes written on a board if you were having trouble copying them down quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, teaching a child executive functioning skills is not helicoptering, you twit.

You need to examine your own inflexibility.

If your kid needed glasses, would you just let him fail b/c he couldn’t see properly?

Adhd is how the brain is wired not a choice.

There’s a world of difference between saying “start doing your math homework” and “I want to see you figure out what homework you have and start doing it.” OP’s husband is doing the first. OP wants her kid do the second.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At my kids’ middle school in mcps, all students are given planners and are expected to write down homework, long term projects, etc. it is three ring and clips into their binders. I would start by talking to your son about implementing something like it and having a check in after 1-2 weeks to see how it is going for him, does it help him stay on top of things, does he think something else will work beter and if so help him brainstorm other organizing ideas. For those 2 weeks, I would further check in with him in evening and confirm the kw was done and if any long term projects have been assigned, help him come up with a plan to break it down.

Yeah, it's required in MCPS. Even if it isn't required where you live, it's still really helpful. When DD was in 5th grade her teacherhad to sign the agendas every day to make sure that kids' homework was written down.