Is this today’s dating pattern?

[Anonymous]

The first meeting is just a meet and greet to see if you even want a first date. First date is really the second meeting. Until you meet someone in person there's really no way of knowing if you even want to explore something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my experience too. I have several single female friends who have such low self esteem that they hop in the sack immediately. Meet guy on Tinder, sleep with them right away (no condoms and one mid-30’s isn’t even on any birth control). My friends then get all upset when they guy is only using them for sex. And they repeat this pattern over and over. I have one friend who three times the guys she’s been sleeping with marry the next woman they date. My friends are hookup worthy but not real relationship worthy. But these women are desperate for relationships.

I’m single too and make sure to keep at least six degrees of separation between me and these ladies (I always vet the guys I date to ensure they haven’t been down those roads).

Online dating has actually made me more cautious about sleeping with guys quickly because I worry there is a higher likelihood they are sleeping around casually. I wait. First, because I need to know the guy better in order to feel comfortable to actually enjoy the sex. But also because I'm worried about exclusivity, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my experience too. I have several single female friends who have such low self esteem that they hop in the sack immediately. Meet guy on Tinder, sleep with them right away (no condoms and one mid-30’s isn’t even on any birth control). My friends then get all upset when they guy is only using them for sex. And they repeat this pattern over and over. I have one friend who three times the guys she’s been sleeping with marry the next woman they date. My friends are hookup worthy but not real relationship worthy. But these women are desperate for relationships.

I’m single too and make sure to keep at least six degrees of separation between me and these ladies (I always vet the guys I date to ensure they haven’t been down those roads).

Online dating has actually made me more cautious about sleeping with guys quickly because I worry there is a higher likelihood they are sleeping around casually. I wait. First, because I need to know the guy better in order to feel comfortable to actually enjoy the sex. But also because I'm worried about exclusivity, etc.

PP here. I will add, most of my friends wait too, but I know some women like the ones above and it's sad. I do think it's a self esteem issue. Why they don't learn and stop repeating the pattern I do not know.

[Anonymous]

52 year old male - when I started dating again I had no interest in a LTR and I was amazed at the sexual aggressiveness of many of the women I met early on. If they were looking for a LTR it was a turn off for me but admittedly a lot of fun. But I'm sure many were like me just in it for the fun. After about a year I changed my attitude and really began to appreciate the women who wanted to take more time before anything got started. I'm now in a very nice relationship that took six or so weeks to consummate and I was fine with that.

[Anonymous]

Why do you believe it reflects poor self esteem to enjoy and want sex early in a relationship? What is this "bad patter" you speak of?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you believe it reflects poor self esteem to enjoy and want sex early in a relationship? What is this "bad patter" you speak of?

If the women sleep with a guy on an early date and then are upset he doesn't want a relationship, they are getting hurt over and over. If a woman truly doesn't care if she sleeps with a guy on an early date and then never hears from him or he doesn't want to be in a relationship with her, then fine. But I think women who are truly able to feel that blase are rare.

[Anonymous]

You must be very attractive, OP - and also PP who had the same experience.

[Anonymous]

There are any number of "dating" sequences:

Dating-relationship-sex
Dating-sex-relationship
Sex-dating-relationship, etc.

You just have to find a person who fits your preferred sequence and forget about the morality issues.

[Anonymous]

The only guy I ever slept with on a first date is my DH. We were very good friends for a few years and then a light bulb went on in my head that this is a guy I really liked so I asked him out. So we did have a relationship beforehand which definitely made a difference. I can't imagine meeting someone for the first time and ending up in bed with them the same night. That level of intimacy is a reach for me let alone all of the STD issues. But I'm not one to judge others....unless they are my daughters!

[Anonymous]

I appreciate the dating sequence post. Makes sense to figure out your preferred sequence and find a match.
Figured out mine is dating - sex - relationship. Withg my last two potential relationship partners my experience was after making sure I took careful time to assess my date partners and insisting / stating boundaries for physical intimacy once I was happy and eager to transition into the sex phase...there was no satisfaction for me! I am now appalled at how sexually lazy the men I have found to be the best ltr candidates are! I have gone back to my not-a-relationship-choice-but-oh-what-a-lover man. Maybe next guy I date that seems promising I will ask about sexual stamina and how he feels about using toys on his partner ahead of time. My fwb does not use toys but I could see that being a solution if ltr partner is as dull and unsatisfying as the last few who were level headed enough to partner with in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You must be very attractive, OP - and also PP who had the same experience.

One of the PPs. I am probably a 7/10 attractive. I think its more a matter of making women laugh, feel comfortable, and knowing you will respect them and their boundaries if things progress.

TBH, I think after all these years I have found the secret to being a great date while also being appropriately flirty.

But this was only a couple times I got out on a brief separation from wife and I am sure it wouldn't have been every woman. Perhaps they sensed I was on a shot clock, or I might turn into a pumpkin at midnight.

Call it Rumspringa, and all married couples should get a break at some point!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It's even more blatant with the 50's women. When I was newly single at 56 after 25 years of marriage I was stunned by the first or second date attitude. I really thought I would be the one working real hard to finally get some affection but I was so wrong. After a few months I was so happy to meet a woman who I had to really woo!

Women in their 50s are not looking for the father of their children or marriage. BTDT. So why waste time? They probably wanted to see if you needed help, Viagra, and how well you performed before getting serious.

And likewise aren't worried about getting pregnant like they were in their early 20s. But also...it does kind of make me wonder why they aren't more careful about STDs. Scary.

Didn't they make you wear protection? Surprising.

This is why The Villages in FL is one of the highest STD/Capita zip codes in US.

+1

I have heard this about most/all over 55 communities. Gross. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's even more blatant with the 50's women. When I was newly single at 56 after 25 years of marriage I was stunned by the first or second date attitude. I really thought I would be the one working real hard to finally get some affection but I was so wrong. After a few months I was so happy to meet a woman who I had to really woo!

Women in their 50s are not looking for the father of their children or marriage. BTDT. So why waste time? They probably wanted to see if you needed help, Viagra, and how well you performed before getting serious.

Thankfully I didn't need help but after a couple of experiences I knew I needed to keep protection very close at hand even on a first date.

So, they are forcing you into sex, or you are just saying yes because why not? Fast women don't seem like your preference, OP.

If it were me, it would be a turn off, because it would say to me that the woman is not picky/particular/would sleep would with anything with a penis/easy/cheap. Those are just the first things that come to mind. I'm not a prude, but I don't believe in throwing yourself at someone, either. And yes, after 25 years of marriage, I would think STDs. Isn't that why there is often talk of rampant STDs at 55 and over places - people sowing their wild oats. Sounds gross and unappealing to me, IMHO.

I hate to break it to you, but you are pretty damn prudish.

Nope. Just don't subscribe to sleeping together on first date, like you do. Which I find gross. Most of the men I know agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my experience too. I have several single female friends who have such low self esteem that they hop in the sack immediately. Meet guy on Tinder, sleep with them right away (no condoms and one mid-30’s isn’t even on any birth control). My friends then get all upset when they guy is only using them for sex. And they repeat this pattern over and over. I have one friend who three times the guys she’s been sleeping with marry the next woman they date. My friends are hookup worthy but not real relationship worthy. But these women are desperate for relationships.

I’m single too and make sure to keep at least six degrees of separation between me and these ladies (I always vet the guys I date to ensure they haven’t been down those roads).

+1

Nailed it. It has to do with low self esteem, OP. Is that what you want?

[Anonymous]

After my sister got divorced following a loveless marriage her self esteem was incredibly low and she'd hop in bed with almost every guy she met. But she recovered.