Platonic friend

[Anonymous]

No way would I be ok with this if I were your husband. You need to stop, op.

[Anonymous]

I think it would have been far kinder to Mike had you not tried to rekindle your friendship. You did that for selfish reasons. Now you’re being selfish in the way you’re soaking up Mike’s attention despite the fact that it hurts your husband. Your entire post smacks of your being incredibly selfish and self centered. Think of someone other than yourself for once.

[Anonymous]

OP - I have 2 Mike’s in my life. One a former colleague and other my best friend from HS. The colleague friend and I have stayed in touch over the years, attended each other’s wedding etc. He came to my parents funerals, both times because a mutual friend told him when they passed away. We text for bdays, holidays etc. Sometimes we’ll randomly text because we’re thinking about each other. He’s charming, lovely and one of my dearest friends. I love him and would never accept ending my friendship with him. My DH knows him well and also likes him very much. However, DH is not a jealous man. That being said, my friend has been a bit unsettled with contact lately. My father passed away in Feb and he came to the service. I wasn’t expecting him there. In a crowd of people, I saw him and was filled with not quite sure what. Seeing his face just made me so happy. Typically over the years, I am the one who drops off in contacting him. We’ve been texting to plan a dinner/drink. I’ve been more aggressive this time and he’s tentative. I backed off a bit. I suspect he is getting a feeling about something stirring in him or maybe I’m projecting some weird vibe. I’ve backed off.

My HS best friend has kept in touch consistently. Never forgets my birthday. He was the first guy to give me a dozen roses (on my 16th birthday). We never dated. He is charming and personable and confides in me with everything. We’ve gone to HS reunions together. DH knows him, likes him and we’ve spent a a few NYE with him. He is married. I’ve never had feelings for him other than love as a friend. We went to reunion in April. Was fun for a bit, everyone moved on to a local dive bar and I ditched it. Went back to my hotel. He sent text asking where I was and drunk called me. It was hilarious. Gut laughing hilarious! Told him to Uber home to keep the peace. He came to my hotel, stood outside door, sent text and said just listen (he’s a singer) and the love song ensued, ending with I have loved you for 25 years. Hahah then asked to come in to use bathroom. Let’s just say, he’s still my best friend.

I’d say both you and Mike need this relationship. You probably cherish his adoration (who wouldn’t?). He probably is still in love with you. If you can manage it, don’t try to define it. We all have spoken and unspoken feelings. As we get older, why should we give up people who are so important to us. Your DH has to get a grip on this. He knows all the details and you’ve been honest. My DH knows the details and believes my Mike has always loved me. DH doesn’t get nuts over it. Try to ease up a bit, but don’t end your friendship. Tell Mike your DH is a bit insecure about it. These friendships are irreplaceable. I bet that when Mike meets his person, things will settle down or cease, if she’s like your DH. For now, enjoy the love. I’m lucky to have an incredible DH, DS and two best guy friends. My father was also a man I adored. Be true to yourself in all of it! Tell Mike I said hi.

[Anonymous]

Both Mike and your DH sound ridiculous. Find a third man with less drama.