We are adding a child to our family unexpectedly…how to budget

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL the irony of telling me to "keep up" when I'm the PP who pointed out to you that you don't know how mortgages work. You made up numbers in your head, but accidentally said the wrong number (you didn't say balance, you said "mortgage of $350k," and then truncated the quote so you could pretend you didn't misread) and are now digging your heels in in a way that makes you look even dumber. "Reading comprehension," indeed.

Oh good Lord! She owes $350k on her house! Happy now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I want to point out that of course I know we can handle it BUT its also something we hadn't planned and want to take on these costs consciously and responsibility. My kids are 5 and 7 and my nephew is 10. They will all need aftercare because my hours will be 1 to 5 daily. (Thats the only option they gave me and I jumped at it). My nephew plays some sports but sporadically because he never really had anyone to consistently take him anywhere. We would love to get him into any kind of sport or program where he feels a community and can make friends. We really are excited to have him but Im keeping in my my other kids might need some family therapy and we might all acquire random "transitional" expenses I can't even predict yet. Thanks for all the replies!

I am not understanding.. you took a part time job of 1-5pm to spend time with your kids but all the kids will be in elementary school, and then aftercare on top of that? You are spending less time with them and spending more money, while cutting your pay.

Well its not quite that easy. We have so many court dates, therapy appointments and social worker meetings that having a block of the week day I can do all these things is VERY helpful. I would be taking off so much PTO without it.

Sorry his submit too soon. Plus I will be able to take nephew to school and do the whole morning routine with all my kids.

Okay, this is not financial advice .. but mostly because it sounds like you're actually pretty squared away there.

Yeah .. until you've lived it, you have no idea how much time is eaten up each week with these kinds of appointments. Plus you'll be able to do all of the other weekly chores such as grocery shopping during the day so your evenings and weekends are with your kids.

I'm not clear on the amount of activities each kid has, but from a family balance issue, we've found limiting it to 2 activities per kid at one time to be the best solution. Depending on the activities, you might find that a cost savings.

It sounds like you're already planning to arrange family therapy. Of course your nephew is having a huge transition, but it's also a big transition for your bio kids as well. One thing to note is in adoption, it's generally recommended to preserve birth order. In this case, that isn't possible, but that's another area where you should be especially sensitive. We are on BCBS and have found their network for mental health professionals be alright and better than a lot of other insurance plans. Adoption is a qualifying life event if you need to change health insurance providers for a better network of providers. When you're shopping for therapists, pay more attention to fit than to the individual's credentials. We've had a LCSW be a better fit than a psychologist just because of personalities. Don't be afraid to change therapists if it's just not a good fit. I've noticed a different (and good!) dynamic between a tween boy and a male therapist vs a female therapist, so all else being equal, I would try that first.

Lastly, I would encourage you and your DH to create a plan where each of you have 1-on-1 time with each of your children on a regular basis. This time can be very mundane stuff like doing errands, but make sure it happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I want to point out that of course I know we can handle it BUT its also something we hadn't planned and want to take on these costs consciously and responsibility. My kids are 5 and 7 and my nephew is 10. They will all need aftercare because my hours will be 1 to 5 daily. (Thats the only option they gave me and I jumped at it). My nephew plays some sports but sporadically because he never really had anyone to consistently take him anywhere. We would love to get him into any kind of sport or program where he feels a community and can make friends. We really are excited to have him but Im keeping in my my other kids might need some family therapy and we might all acquire random "transitional" expenses I can't even predict yet. Thanks for all the replies!

I am not understanding.. you took a part time job of 1-5pm to spend time with your kids but all the kids will be in elementary school, and then aftercare on top of that? You are spending less time with them and spending more money, while cutting your pay.

Well its not quite that easy. We have so many court dates, therapy appointments and social worker meetings that having a block of the week day I can do all these things is VERY helpful. I would be taking off so much PTO without it.

You are so smart to go part time while you sort through all of these things.

[Anonymous]

Is nephew receiving survivor's benefits from the parent that passed away? If no one has looked into this, they should--people often mistakenly think a person had to have worked 40 quarters, but it's less for younger people.

Second, think long and hard before you legally adopt this child. It's a personal decision, but keeping the relationship a guardianship one preserves many, many, many more options for this child for college funding. If he is legally your child, your family income is counted and frankly, none of your kids is getting anything other than unsubsidized federal loans (leaving aside merit money). Your nephew, on the other hand, if he remains legally your nephew, if his living parent is still in prison or otherwise not making an income, will mean that he should be Pell eligible and that leaves open many more doors.

[Anonymous]

I'm completely befuddled. You have a high HHI. I honestly don't understand why you are freaking out? (No offense, but your post outlining drastic and unnecessary budget cuts really make you sound unhinged.)

We have 4 kids. FOUR. And our HHI is $170.

I understand your fear of the unknown. I understand tightening the belt a bit until you get used to the new situation. But cutting cable and dropping phones? Ridiculous. FTR, we have cable and phones with 4 kids and a HHI of $170.

We are also saving for retirement and college (albeit state schools unless they get huge scholarships). And the kids play sports, and we travel (on airplanes!).

Are you blowing money on random things? Expensive cars and big mortgage? Do you have student loans?

Assuming you are from DC, the one thing I might do in your situation is dump the vacation home in Ohio. Maybe the proceeds could be invested and help you guys chill out a bit about your money situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is nephew receiving survivor's benefits from the parent that passed away? If no one has looked into this, they should--people often mistakenly think a person had to have worked 40 quarters, but it's less for younger people.

Second, think long and hard before you legally adopt this child. It's a personal decision, but keeping the relationship a guardianship one preserves many, many, many more options for this child for college funding. If he is legally your child, your family income is counted and frankly, none of your kids is getting anything other than unsubsidized federal loans (leaving aside merit money). Your nephew, on the other hand, if he remains legally your nephew, if his living parent is still in prison or otherwise not making an income, will mean that he should be Pell eligible and that leaves open many more doors.

A neighbor took in her nephew and I thought they had legally adopted him. Later she explained that they consider him their son but legally they are his permanent guardians for financial reasons. He is eligible for free and reduced meals, subsidized after school child care, college will most likely be free because his mother is in prison, etc. it was considered kinship care instead of foster care at first. With the money they save she said they are planning on eventually spending it on him to buy him a car when he is old enough.

[Anonymous]

Keep in mind that everything is hyper competitive in the DMV. So your nephew may actually benefit from private soccer coaching FIRSt before being in a regular soccer class. So that may be an expense.

Also, keep in mind that all the court dates and therapies, etc. very well may at some point start angering nephew. At 10, unless he's slow, he will know other kids don't do all that and he'll be displeased at having to.

[Anonymous]

You've got a $350k mortgage with a low rate and $200k+ income with the potential for more. Financially, you're fine.

I would recommend keeping the vacation house for your weeks (at least a week a year) if you can. You don't want your kids to grow up resenting the fact that their new brother took away their best family fun time. Might also be good for bonding as a family.

Like others, I'm confused why you reduced your work. I would have taken a long leave (as long as possible) to help settle into new routines and then continued full time. You have them in school and after care regardless. Unless you think the hours could be changed soon to something more favorable?

Good on you for doing something so kind. Not everyone could do it, and so selflessly.

[Anonymous]

Just want to say you are a saint for taking in your nephew . Love that you are already calling him your son!

[Anonymous]

You are awesome - don’t cut the cable!! Your bio kids will resent nephew for making hem cancel cable!! Tv will be a bonding thing with movies etc

[Anonymous]

Wow. Maybe look at what you are really spending your money. You are thinking about silly things- haircuts, really? How about look at how much you are budgeting for kid activities. Maybe one activity at a time. Is it worth it for you to keep your job if you have to continue to pay after school care costs for three kids. How much are your car payments? Credit card debt? You should be able to survive as a family of 5 on over 200k a year. Yes, even in this area.

[Anonymous]

I don't know what you are doing for after care, but there may be cheaper options. Maybe there is a high school or college kid who can watch all 3 for ~2hrs a day.

[Anonymous]

First, God bless you! You have plenty of income to cover the incremental cost of one more child with the exception of college funding. Have you considered selling the lake house and banking the equity for a college fund? I'm concerned that you are cutting back on so many basics...unnecessarily....that that will cast a cloud over his presence.

[Anonymous]

Is your nephew getting an ss benefit from his parent dying ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is nephew receiving survivor's benefits from the parent that passed away? If no one has looked into this, they should--people often mistakenly think a person had to have worked 40 quarters, but it's less for younger people.

Second, think long and hard before you legally adopt this child. It's a personal decision, but keeping the relationship a guardianship one preserves many, many, many more options for this child for college funding. If he is legally your child, your family income is counted and frankly, none of your kids is getting anything other than unsubsidized federal loans (leaving aside merit money). Your nephew, on the other hand, if he remains legally your nephew, if his living parent is still in prison or otherwise not making an income, will mean that he should be Pell eligible and that leaves open many more doors.

A neighbor took in her nephew and I thought they had legally adopted him. Later she explained that they consider him their son but legally they are his permanent guardians for financial reasons. He is eligible for free and reduced meals, subsidized after school child care, college will most likely be free because his mother is in prison, etc. it was considered kinship care instead of foster care at first. With the money they save she said they are planning on eventually spending it on him to buy him a car when he is old enough.

+1. Also if you don’t adopt this child will likely qualify for Medicaid which will cover lots of screenings and therapy for free. Not to mention that the child will qualify for a lot more financial aid.