His family likes me more than he does

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He turns you down??? That's the clue!

No guy I ever dated ever turned me down ever, never. I'm not anything special either. This would be an immediate red flag.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I have finally figured out what has been happening with my relationship over the last 4 years. He is committed to me, he has no intention of leaving me, he wants to get married. There is no romance, no passion. His family ADORES me. He has said this to me repeatedly. He says that I am a "goddess" to them. I really think that he wants to be with me and marry me because he finally found someone that his family approves of. His family is very over bearing. I am used to it by now. He has made "off the cuff" comments about finally finding the right girl for his family. He is 37. I'm 31.

I feel like we are best friends, but there is no romance coming from him. I love him dearly. I get butterflies when we kiss, when he smiles, when we hold hands. Now, he is not a warm and fuzzy person in general. He does things for me that he knows I like (making a special dinner usually). He only says he loves me after I say it to him, he is not a hand holder but will hold my hand when I take his. He doesn't cuddle at all. If I cuddle up to him he will cuddle back for a few minutes. He never initiates intimacy, I do. Half of the time he turns me down (always a different reason).

If this a case of "he's just not that into you" or am I overthinking this?

NP. I know that this has been mentioned a couple of times by some PPs, but as I was reading your OP my first thought was "he's gay". And I pretty much never think that. It just seems kind of obvious to me in this case.

And the fact that other people apparently got the same impression... doesn't bode well.

Maybe all the other women can immediately sense this about him in person and aren't interested, and that's why he's never brought anyone reasonable home to meet his family and so his family adores you. Maybe they're secretly relieved as well because they too thought he was gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He turns you down??? That's the clue!

No guy I ever dated ever turned me down ever, never. I'm not anything special either. This would be an immediate red flag.

This.

+1. Now that I think about it, literally not once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He turns you down??? That's the clue!

No guy I ever dated ever turned me down ever, never. I'm not anything special either. This would be an immediate red flag.

This.

+1. Now that I think about it, literally not once.

+2 yep. I've been turned down once by my husband.

[Anonymous]

He is gay.

[Anonymous]

OP: Your replies indicate that you are trying to overlook the obvious. And the “obvious” is that there is something wrong with this relationship, whether he’s gay or not. Something is wrong. Marriage won’t cure it, it will make it worse.
Everyone commenting sees this as a problem. In my opinion, everyone can’t be wrong.
Bail out now while you have time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He turns you down??? That's the clue!

No guy I ever dated ever turned me down ever, never. I'm not anything special either. This would be an immediate red flag.

This.

+1. Now that I think about it, literally not once.

Yeah, I’m trying to think back of when I’ve initiated and a boyfriend said no... The closest I can think of is when they said asked for a quickie instead. Like, I need to finish up some work tonight, you okay with a quickie? But outright no, not tonight? I don’t think that’s ever happened.

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP that said in the third response to the thread the guy is gay. Look, as a man, the only times (and I can count them on one hand) I've ever turned down a GF was because she was out with her friends and got drunk.

If I am sober, I'm not going there. She gets put to bed and I sleep on the couch.

Now, in the morning I'm going to make her headache MUCH worse, but this business of never initiating and turning down the OP half the time is a huge, huge red flag.

She needs to call in a good Gaydar mechanic to get this sorted out.

[Anonymous]

This marriage could work if you want lots of children and want to make the children the center of the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This marriage could work if you want lots of children and want to make the children the center of the marriage.

She'll also have to go outside of the marriage to have her physical needs met. What the heck is the point of going into this situation, eyes wide open? Does the guy have $100 million?

Is it worth it? Only OP knows the answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This marriage could work if you want lots of children and want to make the children the center of the marriage.

She'll also have to go outside of the marriage to have her physical needs met. What the heck is the point of going into this situation, eyes wide open? Does the guy have $100 million?

Is it worth it? Only OP knows the answer.

Some women are happy raising babies and would be content in a no-sex marriage. If OP is that kind of woman (but I suspect she may not be) then this marriage is a dream. He probably will be a good father and friend.

[Anonymous]

Some women are happy raising babies and would be content in a no-sex marriage

Some, perhaps, but a healthy human female has needs.

[Anonymous]

If 'turn you down' means no sex, don't stay. No matter the reason, if he's not doing this already, he ain't going to have sex with desire. He's not in love. How can you be a relationship without sex, it's just the beginning, no kids yet. You can do better.

[Anonymous]

I don't think he is gay but he may be asexual. It's really hard to be in a marriage with an asexual person. I would run away.

It took me years to get pregnant. I'm not satisfied in the bedroom. You go from sex maybe once a week to sex every quarter to once a year to never. Look at all the post about people in sexless marriages. If you have a frank conversation with him I'm certain you will find that his other relationships didn't work for infancy reasons.

[Anonymous]

She won't have kids because he is asexual and won't want to do what it takes to get them.