Is this dude in my group therapy hitting on me?

[Anonymous]

When I participated in a group years ago, we weren’t even supposed to chat in the waiting room; all interaction was supposed to take place in the group. These ground rules were established so that we would maintain appropriate boundaries, as it was supposed to be a safe space for us to work out the interpersonal issues we struggled with out in the world.

You’re in the group to learn how to maintain appropriate, healthy boundaries and communicate in a healthy way.

Blurring things with a married man who clearly has boundary issues if his own, and who is struggling to respect his wife’s boundaries within their marriage, is a red flag that reflects that you very much need to keep digging into your therapy.
It’s a good sign that you’re questioning it; the group is a microcosm if the larger world s f these are the kinds of complex issues you will learn to manage in social, romantic, work and family relationships.

I’m hoping the therapist did a pro and con list with you in order to facilitate your ability to process and problem solve this independently, and not because they actually think meeting up with this guy in your group is a viable choice;You’re in therapy to learn to deal with issues like these (which come up all the time in daily life), in a healthy way.

Honestly, what good can come of hanging out with a married guy in your therapy group whom you’re sexually attracted to. Can’t you see where this is heading? When it crashes and burns, you might look back and wonder how you got yourself into this situation, and learning how to identify and break breaking such unhealthy patterns is the whole purpose of group in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Two people find love in THERAPY? Please do yourself a favor and move to the other side of the room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re in a therapy group to improve your emotional health, and when you discussed the possibility of hooking up with a married fellow group member, your therapist did a pro and con list with you?!?! WTF!! You need a better therapist.

Nothing wrong with that therapist. My guess would be the therapist is using this strategy to help OP with her decision making. Therapists aren't there to make decisions for you but to help you learn the tools to make the right decision. Going through pros and cons is a good way to critically think about the situation and to look at it more objectively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do YOU think, OP? Do you have room in your life for a platonic friendship with a married man you met in group therapy?

I go back and forth. I don’t see him talking to the other ~6 women the way he chats with me, and then when he gave me my number it made me think it has to be flirting. But then again my self-confidence is low enough that he feels way out of my league looks and maturity wise which makes me wonder if the crush is just making me read too much into it.

As for your second question, idk. I certainly could use new friends and a social circle if it could lead to that. Just want to know what he might be thinking first.

Different poster here.
Op, why not heal /feel better first before wanting/thinking of a friendship with a married man with kids ?

[Anonymous]

Of course I am hitting on you OP, and if you date me I might just stop setting fires.

[Anonymous]

This is kinda like Kate’s love story in “This Is Us”. Huh. Tread carefully OP. I would back away from that type of relationship, even if he is interested. You seem to be in a fragile place right now. Work on taking care of yourself without distraction first. Don’t carry unnecessary baggage from others in the process. Your friend sounds like he comes with baggage. Be careful with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is kinda like Kate’s love story in “This Is Us”. Huh. Tread carefully OP. I would back away from that type of relationship, even if he is interested. You seem to be in a fragile place right now. Work on taking care of yourself without distraction first. Don’t carry unnecessary baggage from others in the process. Your friend sounds like he comes with baggage. Be careful with you.

Thanks for your kindness! I am definitely fragile and focusing on myself and despite the attraction I know it wouldn’t be a good idea to connect with him romantically, and maybe not even platonically, for all the reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s the group for?

sexual addiction.

And there it is folks.

You shouldn’t be flattered that he has sensed you are the weakest link emotionally of the women in the group and is attempting to charm you. I’m not sure quite what kind of therapy group for sex addiction doesn’t make these rules clear. That is very non standard. It is surprising that all of you haven’t already addressed the topic in group therapy of how to deal with inappropriate attractions during group therapy. And most importantly, it is ridiculous to suggest that a therapist help you to make a pro con list for something that is so obviously a “no effing way” to a person with a healthy sense of safety and boundaries. Baby steps, I guess. Building you up to a point where these decisions are obvious to you and can be made in a split second as your self esteem improves. Shut this down and continue therapy.

He doesn’t deserve those effing adorable miniature donkeys.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like neither of you are in a strong, prosocial frame of mind, OP. From your own description, both of you are more amoral than not.

If you want to make a constructive decision, then distance yourself from him. If you want to make a destructive decision, then don't distance yourself from him.

[Anonymous]

A married guy who says his wife lets him sleep around, trolling for dates in a therapy group. Nah, this sounds on the up and up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s the group for?

sexual addiction.

And there it is folks.

You shouldn’t be flattered that he has sensed you are the weakest link emotionally of the women in the group and is attempting to charm you. I’m not sure quite what kind of therapy group for sex addiction doesn’t make these rules clear. That is very non standard. It is surprising that all of you haven’t already addressed the topic in group therapy of how to deal with inappropriate attractions during group therapy. And most importantly, it is ridiculous to suggest that a therapist help you to make a pro con list for something that is so obviously a “no effing way” to a person with a healthy sense of safety and boundaries. Baby steps, I guess. Building you up to a point where these decisions are obvious to you and can be made in a split second as your self esteem improves. Shut this down and continue therapy.

He doesn’t deserve those effing adorable miniature donkeys.

Lmao PP was not me the OP. I don’t have a sex addiction.

The therapy is a specific modality but not for any specific issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like neither of you are in a strong, prosocial frame of mind, OP. From your own description, both of you are more amoral than not.

If you want to make a constructive decision, then distance yourself from him. If you want to make a destructive decision, then don't distance yourself from him.

Oh give me a break, I’m not amoral and have done nothing amoral in this situation or otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s the group for?

sexual addiction.

Are you serious ? Isnt this a movie plot already??!!

[Anonymous]

He is hitting on you and we sleep with you if given the chance. Unlikely his marraige is open. Do it, don't do it, whatever most people cheat at some point. Just go into it knowing he will never ever leave his wife for you and you will probably get attached

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like neither of you are in a strong, prosocial frame of mind, OP. From your own description, both of you are more amoral than not.

If you want to make a constructive decision, then distance yourself from him. If you want to make a destructive decision, then don't distance yourself from him.

Oh give me a break, I’m not amoral and have done nothing amoral in this situation or otherwise.

Give you a break from what? Are you sure your issue isn't comprehension and not emotional fragility? You misread PPs post. Could you be misreading/misreporting the therapy group guy?