Is this dude in my group therapy hitting on me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't your group have some ground rules? Pretty sure any credible therapy group would have limits on this already stated.

Yes I think romantic/sexual relationships are pretty much not allowed. After asking my facilitator and therapist about it I understand friendships outside of class are not forbidden - it’s situation and individual dependent. They just don’t want to risk that anything will interfere with coming to class. The facilitator just told me to talk to my therapist about it then my therapist and I did a pros and cons list. That’s partly why i wanted to get some outside opinions here to see what his deal is before proceeding or not.

His deal is that he is a sleazy manipulator. Avoid!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't your group have some ground rules? Pretty sure any credible therapy group would have limits on this already stated.

Yes I think romantic/sexual relationships are pretty much not allowed. After asking my facilitator and therapist about it I understand friendships outside of class are not forbidden - it’s situation and individual dependent. They just don’t want to risk that anything will interfere with coming to class. The facilitator just told me to talk to my therapist about it then my therapist and I did a pros and cons list. That’s partly why i wanted to get some outside opinions here to see what his deal is before proceeding or not.

His deal is that he is a sleazy manipulator. Avoid!!

Genuinely, please tell me how you get the sense he’s a sleazy manipulator from what I’ve described here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do YOU think, OP? Do you have room in your life for a platonic friendship with a married man you met in group therapy?

I go back and forth. I don’t see him talking to the other ~6 women the way he chats with me, and then when he gave me my number it made me think it has to be flirting. But then again my self-confidence is low enough that he feels way out of my league looks and maturity wise which makes me wonder if the crush is just making me read too much into it.

As for your second question, idk. I certainly could use new friends and a social circle if it could lead to that. Just want to know what he might be thinking first.

Stop right there.

Please, listen: Your self-esteem is not going to improve by getting involved with this guy. You need to get more secure in yourself before you can have a healthy relationship. You can have an unhealthy one, and you will end up worse off.

Take care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in a therapy program which includes individual therapy and group class.

There’s one guy in my class and he’s very attractive and funny and I’ve had a harmless fun crush on him for a few months. He’s around 35 and I’m 27. Just sort of look forward to seeing him every week. We’ve chatted a couple times after class, just about our experience in the program and experience living in a rural area where it’s hard to meet people. One time he complimented a graphic t shirt I was wearing and we talked about the movie it referenced. In general I get the sense he is in this class more as a self-improvement thing whereas I really have emotional skills deficits that need to change to make my life worth living.

He’s married with kids, but has mentioned in class that he has opened his marriage in the past and he’d had a girlfriend. I’m single.

A few weeks ago when he saw that I had a coffee from a local place he mentioned that he loves that place and always goes there before class to work on our homework. Last week when I had another coffee from there he said “Missed you again!” And then shortly after that he explained that he’s been meaning to give me his number if I wanted to come hang out at his farm, play with his animals, etc because he knows how hard it is to find like-minded friends here.

I’m not really looking for opinions on the ethics/appropriateness of pursuing a relationship, or advice whether not to, but do offer that if you feel like it. I’ve already asked the facilitator of my group about it and discussed it/will continue discussing it with my therapist. In my ideal fantasy if he was into me I would have the skills and emotional maturity to engage in a casual relationship with him but I don’t think I do. Just want a gut check if this is flirting or being nice/platonic.

There are plenty of fish in the sea...why a married dude with an open relationship? RUN away! omg

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in a therapy program which includes individual therapy and group class.

There’s one guy in my class and he’s very attractive and funny and I’ve had a harmless fun crush on him for a few months. He’s around 35 and I’m 27. Just sort of look forward to seeing him every week. We’ve chatted a couple times after class, just about our experience in the program and experience living in a rural area where it’s hard to meet people. One time he complimented a graphic t shirt I was wearing and we talked about the movie it referenced. In general I get the sense he is in this class more as a self-improvement thing whereas I really have emotional skills deficits that need to change to make my life worth living.

He’s married with kids, but has mentioned in class that he has opened his marriage in the past and he’d had a girlfriend. I’m single.

A few weeks ago when he saw that I had a coffee from a local place he mentioned that he loves that place and always goes there before class to work on our homework. Last week when I had another coffee from there he said “Missed you again!” And then shortly after that he explained that he’s been meaning to give me his number if I wanted to come hang out at his farm, play with his animals, etc because he knows how hard it is to find like-minded friends here.

I’m not really looking for opinions on the ethics/appropriateness of pursuing a relationship, or advice whether not to, but do offer that if you feel like it. I’ve already asked the facilitator of my group about it and discussed it/will continue discussing it with my therapist. In my ideal fantasy if he was into me I would have the skills and emotional maturity to engage in a casual relationship with him but I don’t think I do. Just want a gut check if this is flirting or being nice/platonic.

There are plenty of fish in the sea...why a married dude with an open relationship? RUN away! omg

Because he’s SO hot, ugh! Nah, I’m very much into preserving and improving my mental health and happiness right now and I wouldn’t throw it away just to bang a married hipster. At this point I’m simply curious whether he is into me or really just wants me to come hang with his wife and kids and mini donkeys at the farm.

[Anonymous]

What’s the group for?

[Anonymous]

OP! Just stop! You're so young, go out and meet some nice guy in a non-clinical setting. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

You're in therapy, so focus on the therapy. The guy is just a distraction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP! Just stop! You're so young, go out and meet some nice guy in a non-clinical setting. Seriously.

Stop......what, exactly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP! Just stop! You're so young, go out and meet some nice guy in a non-clinical setting. Seriously.

Stop......what, exactly?

You're a good troll

Stop thinking about him and engaging him. Find a different therapy group and lose his number.

[Anonymous]

You’re in a therapy group to improve your emotional health, and when you discussed the possibility of hooking up with a married fellow group member, your therapist did a pro and con list with you?!?! WTF!! You need a better therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP! Just stop! You're so young, go out and meet some nice guy in a non-clinical setting. Seriously.

Stop......what, exactly?

You're a good troll

Stop thinking about him and engaging him. Find a different therapy group and lose his number.

Absolutely not. I love my class and my facilitator and it fits into my schedule. There is no reason for me to stop going to a class that is helping me and disrupt my progress because of this man

[Anonymous]

hippy dippy? he should run from you ... who the fuk says that??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s the group for?

sexual addiction.

[Anonymous]

For s man (or even a woman!) to openly flirt w/another person in a group therapy session is just so......WRONG. As well as in appropriate as hell.

You are seeing a therapist as well as being a participant in a group therapy session because you feel as if you need help in finding your direction in your life.
This is a great thing you are doing for yourself + you really need to be focusing on that vs. the complications of any type of romantic relationship.
You will only be railroaded if you choose to get involved w/this individual.

He IS MARRIED.
Period.
It doesn’t really matter if the marriage is open or shut.
Relationships are very complicated anyway,
Why start off w/this major complication already??!

Plus at a time when you are receiving professional help????

Stay on the right/straight path!!
No deviation from your journey onto a much better YOU!