Is it cheating if you're separated?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take the time to work on yourself. If your need for sex is that strong, look for someone in a similar situation.

+1 or better yet get a fleshlight or vibe

Except that's not sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take the time to work on yourself. If your need for sex is that strong, look for someone in a similar situation.

+1 or better yet get a fleshlight or vibe

Except that's not sex

Exactly. I’m divorced and have lots of divorced friends. Hell if I was going to put my happiness on hold as a hostage to my then soon to be ex, who was a jerk.

I think a lot of these people writing are married and projecting their own fears. They have no idea what many of us who got divorced were living in hell for years.

[Anonymous]

I think it's complicated. I started dating my DH while he and his ex were separated. We have been married over 20 years and his ex still blames me for their divorce. They were legally separated, living in different homes, and just waiting for the divorce to be final when DH and I started seeing each other. I did not break up the marriage, but I wish we had waited until their divorce was completely final. I caused her additional pain, and I really hate that.

[Anonymous]

Until a court of proper jurisdiction orders the marriage dissolved, the marriage remains.

[Anonymous]

It’s cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s cheating while you’re still married

It can take years in some states to complete a contested divorce with lots of complications. In Maryland, the FASTEST you can get done with the process in an uncontested divorce is about 13.5 months.

You cannot cohabit even ONE night in the preceding 366 days, or the clock starts all over again.

So separated definitely does not mean "married".

This. Those who say otherwise are salty or still want their exes back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take the time to work on yourself. If your need for sex is that strong, look for someone in a similar situation.

+1 or better yet get a fleshlight or vibe

Except that's not sex

Exactly. I’m divorced and have lots of divorced friends. Hell if I was going to put my happiness on hold as a hostage to my then soon to be ex, who was a jerk.

I think a lot of these people writing are married and projecting their own fears. They have no idea what many of us who got divorced were living in hell for years.

If the separation is merely the waiting period for the divorce paperwork to be finalized, do whatever you want.

If the separation is while you're trying to work things out and make the relationship work? Communicate expectations with your spouse.

Sounds like for you the separation was merely the waiting period to sign divorce papers, in which case you're free to date as you please.

[Anonymous]

Cheating is so overrated.
Everyone's doing it - DCUM posts alone can attest to that.
May as well accept it and expect it and stop making such a big deal about it.

[Anonymous]

I've been separated for 2 years. My ex cheated but is dragging things out.

I really had a hard time for the first 6 months even considering dating. I still felt married, and it felt wrong. I ultimately dated a little after that, but stopped again this year. I'm so mentally exhausted and, despite my ex's treatment of me, still feel weird about beginning any relationships while married legally. I also don't want to put any of the drama that comes with this on another person. Ironically, I am not religious at all and my ex is. I have been very surprised at how heartfelt my vows were. Hopefully that will make me a good partner to a better person later on.

[Anonymous]

Yes, if you are still working on the marriage, and unless you have agreed to see other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been separated for 2 years. My ex cheated but is dragging things out.

I really had a hard time for the first 6 months even considering dating. I still felt married, and it felt wrong. I ultimately dated a little after that, but stopped again this year. I'm so mentally exhausted and, despite my ex's treatment of me, still feel weird about beginning any relationships while married legally. I also don't want to put any of the drama that comes with this on another person. Ironically, I am not religious at all and my ex is. I have been very surprised at how heartfelt my vows were. Hopefully that will make me a good partner to a better person later on.

Why don't you forgive the guy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been separated for 2 years. My ex cheated but is dragging things out.

I really had a hard time for the first 6 months even considering dating. I still felt married, and it felt wrong. I ultimately dated a little after that, but stopped again this year. I'm so mentally exhausted and, despite my ex's treatment of me, still feel weird about beginning any relationships while married legally. I also don't want to put any of the drama that comes with this on another person. Ironically, I am not religious at all and my ex is. I have been very surprised at how heartfelt my vows were. Hopefully that will make me a good partner to a better person later on.

Why don't you forgive the guy?

NP. Once a cheater always a cheater. Plus she said he’s been putting her through a lot for two years. That’s not love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been separated for 2 years. My ex cheated but is dragging things out.

I really had a hard time for the first 6 months even considering dating. I still felt married, and it felt wrong. I ultimately dated a little after that, but stopped again this year. I'm so mentally exhausted and, despite my ex's treatment of me, still feel weird about beginning any relationships while married legally. I also don't want to put any of the drama that comes with this on another person. Ironically, I am not religious at all and my ex is. I have been very surprised at how heartfelt my vows were. Hopefully that will make me a good partner to a better person later on.

Why don't you forgive the guy?

NP. Once a cheater always a cheater. Plus she said he’s been putting her through a lot for two years. That’s not love.

Thanks NP. I am the writer of the original post quoted. At some point I will completely let it go (the best I can) - meaning I can only control my reactions/responses. I don't have to ever think how he's treated me has been ok, but I can try to release it (or some bs). However, he has not sought reconciliation and that is fine with me. I could never trust him, nor do I want to be with someone who does not respect me.

[Anonymous]

in VA it's cheating if you have sex while separated but not yet divorced. Spouse can claim adultery if it can be proven.