Other Man or Woman, Do You Ever Feel Guilt or Remorse

[Anonymous]

I was the other woman. He was very good at hiding his real life. Deep down inside I knew he was married or at least was with someone else. I felt horrible knowing I could be ruining someone’s marriage. As soon as I found out he was married, I stopped all contact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was the other woman. He was very good at hiding his real life. Deep down inside I knew he was married or at least was with someone else. I felt horrible knowing I could be ruining someone’s marriage. As soon as I found out he was married, I stopped all contact.

You are a good person, thank you for thinking of others.

[Anonymous]

I was seeing this guy for over a year, and honestly I had no clue. I was a law associate so I hardly had time, and he was always available when I was, always answered the phone, sending emails. Nothing about his place or habits screamed he had girlfriend/wife. One day, I was having brunch with friends in Eastern Market, and he and his finance - giant rock and all - came strolling into the restaurant. Turns out they had been dating for 4 years and engaged the entire year we dated. Wedding was in a month from when I saw him. I felt so guilty, so yes we do if we don't know nor intended to be a homewrecker. I'm sorry to all people harmed by unknowning other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was seeing this guy for over a year, and honestly I had no clue. I was a law associate so I hardly had time, and he was always available when I was, always answered the phone, sending emails. Nothing about his place or habits screamed he had girlfriend/wife. One day, I was having brunch with friends in Eastern Market, and he and his finance - giant rock and all - came strolling into the restaurant. Turns out they had been dating for 4 years and engaged the entire year we dated. Wedding was in a month from when I saw him. I felt so guilty, so yes we do if we don't know nor intended to be a homewrecker. I'm sorry to all people harmed by unknowning other people.

And he is probably still cheating.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, the thing here is all these married women who are cheated on like to demonize the other woman by assuming they know he’s married and purposely pursued a married man. Get a life and deal with your own issues and stop assuming.

I dated a married man. He never wore a ring and told me he was separated which was fine for me, I too was divorced and had been separated and both XH and I dated during the separation period. This man would sleep over at my house 2-3 nights per week and either come over or go out after work probably 2 MORE nights per week. We went away a few weekends. He rarely got phone calls when we were together. He kept his phone out right in front of me. Whenever I would call or text he was always available and would answer. We would go out everywhere in public—bars, restaurants, retirement parties, Christmas parties. It wasn’t until months in that I started figuring some things out. I broke it off with him when I was 100% certain of his real situation.

So, your husbands are great liars. Be mad at the person who deserves it.

[Anonymous]

Previous poster, I am "the wife" and I 100% blame my husband for his infidelity. I do not know the "other woman" personally, and she owes me nothing in any case, as I did not enter into any sort of social, religious, and/or legal commitment with her. I did that with my husband, several decades ago.

I feel a great deal of empathy for other women like you, who are also on the receiving end of a " husband"'s deceit, lies, use, abuse, and selfishness. I do feel some contempt (life is too short and potentially too sweet to waste it on hate) however for the OW when, as in my own case, she begins an affair with a man knowing that he is married, and has children, and continues the affair even after the wife (me) has begged on behalf of her marriage and children.

[Anonymous]

I feel badly for the wives who are cheated on, and the other women when they believe they are dating a single, separated, divorced, or otherwise unattached man. I feel really sorry for any children involved.

The blame should be directed to the unfaithful husbands who begin these affairs, often by lying to the other women as well as their wives. But I also think that it is acceptable to direct social opprobrium to the other women when they knowingly start an affair with a man who they know is married, especially when there are children involved.