11 yo DD sneaking sweets

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an 8 year old boy who is sugar obsessed, and would happily eat packaged granola bars from the minute he gets home from school until dinner time and then not want any dinner. So I’m one that also makes rules about snacking and my kids don’t have free reign over the kitchen. On weekends they claim to be hungry an hour after a big breakfast...at school no snacks, so I know their body isn’t trained to eat at hay time. My kids get plenty of food at meals, I have never ever said no to seconds, thirds, etc. they also get snacks after school and on the weekends, I’m not a die hard no snack dictator, but free reign would mean no real food gets eaten, just snacks.

Not sure how to Help the op, but surprised that everyone else has such an open kitchen

Boys are a whole different story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think most of this advice is pretty clueless from parents who have kids who self regulate well. I have a child that age with impulse control issues. She will hide sweets in her room or other places and binge eat them. The other day I saw her chugging a bottle of sprinkles that I’d just bought specially for a bake sale obligation for school. We are not a “no sweets” household and in fact eat dessert (often homemade) every day. But there is no such thing as reasonable intake for her, and she will eat an entire box of cookies that was supposed to be desert for the whole family, then lie about it.

I would love real helpful advice. The “just buy a reasonable amount of sweets and let them eat what they want” works for some kids (and works totally for my other children)—- but not the kids with a real sugar addiction or impulse control issues.

But you do realize that you regulating your child's intake is not a long-term solution? Your kid will soon be able to go places by herself and buy food by herself.

I don't know what the right answer is. My philosophy is not to restrict because I think that is more likely to lead to longer-term food issues. It's not easy to adhere to this philosophy when faced, as I am, with a DD who is a little chunky and not the greatest self-regulator. But I see too many adults with hangups about food that arise from how their parents managed their food intake. I just try to set a decent example of eating (everything in moderation), keep my kids active and set a good example by being active myself, and hope that things will work themselves out in the long run.

+1. I am 8:30. I am not the best self regulator and neither are the kids. I refuse to be the food police; they are going to have to make decisions outside of my presence all tween-dom is a good time to start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an 8 year old boy who is sugar obsessed, and would happily eat packaged granola bars from the minute he gets home from school until dinner time and then not want any dinner. So I’m one that also makes rules about snacking and my kids don’t have free reign over the kitchen. On weekends they claim to be hungry an hour after a big breakfast...at school no snacks, so I know their body isn’t trained to eat at hay time. My kids get plenty of food at meals, I have never ever said no to seconds, thirds, etc. they also get snacks after school and on the weekends, I’m not a die hard no snack dictator, but free reign would mean no real food gets eaten, just snacks.

Not sure how to Help the op, but surprised that everyone else has such an open kitchen

Boys are a whole different story.

Of course active GROWING kids get hungry at nonregulated times. I'm surprised at how many food weirdos there are on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an 8 year old boy who is sugar obsessed, and would happily eat packaged granola bars from the minute he gets home from school until dinner time and then not want any dinner. So I’m one that also makes rules about snacking and my kids don’t have free reign over the kitchen. On weekends they claim to be hungry an hour after a big breakfast...at school no snacks, so I know their body isn’t trained to eat at hay time. My kids get plenty of food at meals, I have never ever said no to seconds, thirds, etc. they also get snacks after school and on the weekends, I’m not a die hard no snack dictator, but free reign would mean no real food gets eaten, just snacks.

Not sure how to Help the op, but surprised that everyone else has such an open kitchen

Boys are a whole different story.

Why?

[Anonymous]

Why can't 11 year old take the sweet herself? Unless she is hiding piles of them in her room, why does she have to ask you to give it to her. She is not 3 years old. Is she obese? Has diabetes? What is the issue here really? It is weird if everything is normal for 11 year old to ask you to take a piece of candy from a pantry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I disagree with all the mean-spirited "why are you making her ask, you're controlling, this is rationing" etc. posters above, OP. Wow. Do you folks all let your kids, yes, even 11-year-olds take what they want, when they want? Do they also do the shopping and decide what's in the pantry? Because if they don't have to go out and replace what they eat up, they should be taught that it's good manners to tell the person who DOES the shopping and food planning what's getting eaten up.

I do the food shopping for our household and if DC and my DH are taking food all the time and never telling me what they're eating or that we're nearly out of something -- I go to get food or ingredients and discover we're out of something I planned on serving or using to cook that day. I don't think you're asking too much at all when you ask your child to tell you if she wants X or Y (or if you expect your husband just to let you know he took the last roll or cookie or whatever; you're not asking them to beg you for it, but to let you know so you aren't caught short when you go to get them the next day).

Her telling you, "I'm going to get a snack" also leaves you the option to give your child information she doesn't have, such as: "We're going out to dinner tonight, earlier than usual, so please hold off on the snack since we'll be at dinner in an hour" or whatever she may not know. And yes, it's FINE to tell a child, you cannot have a snack now because we're having dinner/we're nearly out and that one's going into your lunch tomorrow/whatever. That won't cause an eating disorder or make you some evil, controlling parent, no matter what DCUM tells you.

You also don't want to set up a poor dynamic by always saying no to her. So figure out when it is that she seems likeliest to go get food; is it right after school? Maybe she needs a higher-protein lunch that sticks to her longer through the day, or she needs a high-protein snack on the table when she gets in, like yogurt or cheese and crackers. (Often the craving for sweets is actually a craving for proteins, my doctor and her pediatrician both have told us.) If she's getting sweets 30 minutes before dinner, maybe dinnertime needs to move a little earlier. If she never gets sweets after dinner, maybe its' time try having dessert a few times a week instead of having sweet treats readily available in the pantry. And she can't eat what isn't there; stop buying sweets that sit in the pantry to be taken.

Does she think she has to get sweets without letting you know because you'll always say no? Say yes sometimes--which will be easier if you don't have many sweet things around. And please dont' say to your DD that she "sneaks" food if you've been OK with her getting food for herself; that's a mixed message. If the issue is that you're fine with her eating them, but you want to keep up with what's in the pantry since you are the one who fills it -- explain that to her. Kids this age like being treated like they can understand things like that.

If the issue is that the food she wants is sweets, make them less available: Don't have them in the house as much, or at all, or start having her help you make real desserts a few times a week rather than having pantry treats around. Bonus: Time together.

Thank you for this. It is by far the most helpful and more accurate read on the situation. I am not tracking food but realize it’s been eaten when I go to get it. It feels like “sneaking” because other snacks she’ll eat when I am around. I never see her eating the treats unless we’re eating dessert together. I’ve found the wrappers in her room or in other odd places that she’s stashed them. She’s free to get any food any time but I do ask her to just let me know if it might be near meals or if we’re running low or if she wants me to get same or different snacks. She’s told me that she feels unhealthy when eating sweets & assure her that she/our family lives a healthy life so all foods including sweets are fine. She has mood issues with too much sugar & that’s why I want her to ask or let me know. I say yes unless it’s close to meal time.

And now we know why this is a sneaking deal to you and her. You are creating drama and "forbidden fruit" desire with your food attitude. She is scared of your reaction and that is why she is not eating. And you can deny it all you want, you freak out when you see the wrappers, that is why she feels unhealthy when eating sweets, she is close to age when girls want to be healthy, but not there yet, this is created by you. Stop, stop, stop. You are the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an 8 year old boy who is sugar obsessed, and would happily eat packaged granola bars from the minute he gets home from school until dinner time and then not want any dinner. So I’m one that also makes rules about snacking and my kids don’t have free reign over the kitchen. On weekends they claim to be hungry an hour after a big breakfast...at school no snacks, so I know their body isn’t trained to eat at hay time. My kids get plenty of food at meals, I have never ever said no to seconds, thirds, etc. they also get snacks after school and on the weekends, I’m not a die hard no snack dictator, but free reign would mean no real food gets eaten, just snacks.

Not sure how to Help the op, but surprised that everyone else has such an open kitchen

Boys are a whole different story.

But I have a girl also. I am not going to have different rules for them. Like I said above, I don’t deny them the ability to eat until satisfied, I always make enough that we have leftovers. I also don’t deny snacking, but I will say whether it’s an okay time for a treat snack or if they need to choose something healthy ie if it’s closer to dinner or if they just had cake at a birthday earlier that day. But they do have to ask first before just eating and so far I haven’t had to deal with sneaking. If we come upon that I may change rules, but so far it’s working for our family. I hope the OP can figure out how to help her dd. I bet a family meeting could help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't 11 year old take the sweet herself? Unless she is hiding piles of them in her room, why does she have to ask you to give it to her. She is not 3 years old. Is she obese? Has diabetes? What is the issue here really? It is weird if everything is normal for 11 year old to ask you to take a piece of candy from a pantry.

Different kids, different approaches. My underweight 11 year old would eat candy all day if he could and never eat a real meal. I understand him because when I was younger I would take ingredients from the pantry and make myself frosting. I don't buy candy but it shows up from other sources and as one poster said - her daughter ate the sprinkles for baking! Who would think to hide those?
His older sister was perfectly fine with an open kitchen but she has always preferred savory and salty. Please step off your high horses now.

[Anonymous]

Ha, I had the same behavior at her age. I did because my mom always felt the need to comment on what/when/why I was eating. I just starting eating when she was not around and eventually buying food and sneaking it into the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an 8 year old boy who is sugar obsessed, and would happily eat packaged granola bars from the minute he gets home from school until dinner time and then not want any dinner. So I’m one that also makes rules about snacking and my kids don’t have free reign over the kitchen. On weekends they claim to be hungry an hour after a big breakfast...at school no snacks, so I know their body isn’t trained to eat at hay time. My kids get plenty of food at meals, I have never ever said no to seconds, thirds, etc. they also get snacks after school and on the weekends, I’m not a die hard no snack dictator, but free reign would mean no real food gets eaten, just snacks.

Not sure how to Help the op, but surprised that everyone else has such an open kitchen

Boys are a whole different story.

Why?

Are you a man? Do I really have to explain to you how much more body image baggage girls have to carry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an 8 year old boy who is sugar obsessed, and would happily eat packaged granola bars from the minute he gets home from school until dinner time and then not want any dinner. So I’m one that also makes rules about snacking and my kids don’t have free reign over the kitchen. On weekends they claim to be hungry an hour after a big breakfast...at school no snacks, so I know their body isn’t trained to eat at hay time. My kids get plenty of food at meals, I have never ever said no to seconds, thirds, etc. they also get snacks after school and on the weekends, I’m not a die hard no snack dictator, but free reign would mean no real food gets eaten, just snacks.

Not sure how to Help the op, but surprised that everyone else has such an open kitchen

Boys are a whole different story.

Why?

Are you a man? Do I really have to explain to you how much more body image baggage girls have to carry?

So you're saying that it's ok for parents to limit snacking and/or sugar for boys, but not ok for parents to limit snacking and/or sugar for girls, because boys carry less body image baggage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an 8 year old boy who is sugar obsessed, and would happily eat packaged granola bars from the minute he gets home from school until dinner time and then not want any dinner. So I’m one that also makes rules about snacking and my kids don’t have free reign over the kitchen. On weekends they claim to be hungry an hour after a big breakfast...at school no snacks, so I know their body isn’t trained to eat at hay time. My kids get plenty of food at meals, I have never ever said no to seconds, thirds, etc. they also get snacks after school and on the weekends, I’m not a die hard no snack dictator, but free reign would mean no real food gets eaten, just snacks.

Not sure how to Help the op, but surprised that everyone else has such an open kitchen

Boys are a whole different story.

Why?

Are you a man? Do I really have to explain to you how much more body image baggage girls have to carry?

So you're saying that it's ok for parents to limit snacking and/or sugar for boys, but not ok for parents to limit snacking and/or sugar for girls, because boys carry less body image baggage?

I read it as the opposite - limit girls because they will have greater issues with body issues. Both interpretations show how ridiculous it is to change food rules based on the sex of your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an 8 year old boy who is sugar obsessed, and would happily eat packaged granola bars from the minute he gets home from school until dinner time and then not want any dinner. So I’m one that also makes rules about snacking and my kids don’t have free reign over the kitchen. On weekends they claim to be hungry an hour after a big breakfast...at school no snacks, so I know their body isn’t trained to eat at hay time. My kids get plenty of food at meals, I have never ever said no to seconds, thirds, etc. they also get snacks after school and on the weekends, I’m not a die hard no snack dictator, but free reign would mean no real food gets eaten, just snacks.

Not sure how to Help the op, but surprised that everyone else has such an open kitchen

Boys are a whole different story.

Why?

Are you a man? Do I really have to explain to you how much more body image baggage girls have to carry?

So you're saying that it's ok for parents to limit snacking and/or sugar for boys, but not ok for parents to limit snacking and/or sugar for girls, because boys carry less body image baggage?

I don't know that I'm saying it's ok for parents to limit snacking and/or sugar for boys, but it is more damaging to do these things with respect to girls. Same with commenting on their bodies or indicating that you are concerned about their weight (and concern about "health" is often really just concern about weight, even if parents don't admit it to themselves.) Girls are bombarded with media and other forces showing them that women have to be thin to be beautiful. There is not the same focus on appearance with respect to men, and thus boys don't generally internalize these messages that limiting food or supervising consumption sends. It just isn't the same.

[Anonymous]

Interesting. PP, would you think it’s okay for mom to tell girl “Candy is not a healthy snack and won’t give you the energy you need to get through dinner. Have some yogurt or beef Jerky instead.” I think the PPs that posted about restricting “snacking” are trying to reduce junk food eating, not overall calorie consumption. Do you think it’s okay if the message to girls (and boys) is — eat as much as you want, but make sure it’s fuel for your growing bodies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an 11 year old son who gets himself cookies throughout the day. Fortunately, he does regulate his intake pretty well and he probably eats 3-4 cookies a day. If he was eating too much I'd probably get the cookies out of the house.

I will admit that it's different for a girl. The eat differently and gain weight differently. All that combined with social body image propaganda and you start wondering if she's eating too many sweets. If there's a problem with her weight or nutrition, then only stock healthier foods. If she's just catching a small sweet snack from time to time, then let it go.

3-4 cookies a day is about 1,000 calories, FYI.