unsure of lingering SNs in 3 year old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my kids are older now and have different challenges but most of us can relate to the terrible uncertainty that you are going through. And many--if not most--of us can relate to having one spouse resistant to the idea that anything is wrong. I had my husband, my partner, the person I have always considered my soulmate, ask things like,"at what point are you going to accept your son for who he is?" I had so much self-doubt and it was very lonely, but I was overwhelmed by the feeling that there was something wrong and that my child was suffering and knew that, if there was any way to help, I wanted to start doing it asap.

None of us can tell from your descriptions if anything is wrong--we really can't. I can tell you that my very wise mother, my experienced mother-in-law, all of my son's teachers, my husband, child's nanny, and of course the pediatrician... basically every one in my my son's life at age three insisted that there was "nothing wrong." Unfortunately for everyone, everything gets more pronounced and obvious as children get older.

I am VERY happy that I trusted my gut and sought answers and worked hard to help my son. In the end, my husband supported me and agreed that we should have evaluations if I felt that they were needed, though he still didn't believe that they were. It is a very odd thing to feel vindicated by results of evaluations and diagnoses... but , the thing is, once you know what is going on, you can start working on it in the most appropriate way. That is a great feeling!!!

I am going to add another vote to have an expert -- a developmental pediatrician -- evaluate your child. Let someone take the burden off your back. If you are wrong, if you are being overly critical, you will feel immense relief and gratitude. If your suspicions are right, you can start working on delays with the appropriate people.

Thank you for this. You are so helpful! You know, I stepped away because I wanted to slap some “helpful,” “expert” SN moms here. Who in he hell do you think you are, writing “SMH, “I’d divorce him,” insinuating I’m wholly resistant when I came here for help? Thank you PP for noting what is KNOWN and studied: it’s very common for spouses to arrive at what’s next? what do we do? at different times and different ways. Doctor and teacher observations can provide comfort - or false hope. I’m working it out, and I’m grateful to this PP who doesn't need to crap on someond to try and seem a little more together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They meant you can hold back and put your kid into an extra year of pre-k... at your own expense. This is common. We did this then returned to the public school system for K at age 6.

As for the OP, this is a tough age and most pre-school teachers can’t recognize subtle delays from real issues. You need to see a developmental pediatrician. They will look at the whole picture and let you know if further testing is warranted.

Of course this is a scary step. But not knowing or missing the opportunity to help your child, in my opinion, is even scarier.

+1 to your first paragraph. There has to be a private or church school that will take OP’s child for a Kindergarten program (yes, it would cost tuition money) and then she could get back into the public schools and repeat K as a public school student. I realize the schools won’t let you do another year of pre-K but if you went private then back to the schools you should be fine, right?

Not likely an option for OP since her husband would make her life 'miserable' if she were to pursue an evaluation. Imagine how 'miserable' it would be for her to suggest holding her DD back a year at 3 years old.

F ck you. I mean that whole-heartedly. I know I’ll get attacked, but look at yourself. You are nasty for NO reason.

[Anonymous]

Whoa, op. You’re really behind agressive and it’s just not necessary or helping your kid. People are honest and direct on this forum while being helpful. You are going to have to accept that if you seek help here. The attitude you describe your husband as having is not acceptable. Your duty is to your child. She sounds as though there may be delays and you think so. Hypotonia often signals other issues. Yes, you need an evaluation. That’s the bottom line. Can we diagnose her, no. Is putting it off likely to be helpful, who knows. I wouldn’t and neither would most of the parents on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whoa, op. You’re really behind agressive and it’s just not necessary or helping your kid. People are honest and direct on this forum while being helpful. You are going to have to accept that if you seek help here. The attitude you describe your husband as having is not acceptable. Your duty is to your child. She sounds as though there may be delays and you think so. Hypotonia often signals other issues. Yes, you need an evaluation. That’s the bottom line. Can we diagnose her, no. Is putting it off likely to be helpful, who knows. I wouldn’t and neither would most of the parents on here.

Whoa to you. Seriously, there's a degree of groupthink where people are supposed to accept eye-rolls and meanness which is incredibly unsettling and not productive. I wouldn’t talk to someone hesitant about getting a hypotonia dx just because I’ve BTDT. I’m searching for dev peds in my area today, and I stand by what I have written.

[Anonymous]

^ Talk snidely, that is. Little Miss Eye-Rolling Emoji can GFH.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have a 4 yo who is similar, did PT for hypotonia. He also seems "babyish" compared to his classmates and is also the youngest (Dec birthday). I couldn't tell if you had sought an evaluation through CPSE? If not, you should pursue it to get services.

We're sort of holding him back for K in that we are doing private (different cut-off). He would have been the youngest in public. I understand that you can't, but they may have her repeat K if they think it would be better for her. I don't know why people are giving you a hard time about that -- no, you really cannot redshirt in NYC!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ Talk snidely, that is. Little Miss Eye-Rolling Emoji can GFH.

I don’t know what this means, but being ridiculous and talking in teen text code isn’t done on the special needs forum. Many of us have kids with serious life long disabilities. We don’t have time or room for this strange aggressive nonsense.

[Anonymous]

NYC has great services. Also, there is a board called you be mom that has a special needs group that is super helpful. Highly recommend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ Talk snidely, that is. Little Miss Eye-Rolling Emoji can GFH.

I don’t know what this means, but being ridiculous and talking in teen text code isn’t done on the special needs forum. Many of us have kids with serious life long disabilities. We don’t have time or room for this strange aggressive nonsense.

Move on. If you can’t see your own pissyness, get those around you to explain it.

To the actually cool PP - thank you for the board rec and cPSE mention!

[Anonymous]

Op, I'm frankly taken aback by how nasty this thread is. Yes, your DH is probably in a bit of denial as maybe are you, but know you can link your thread in website feedback and ask that it be locked or deleted.

You know what to do.

One: Call and get an appointment with a developmental pediatrician whether or not your DH is on board. Table that discussion for a few weeks prior if it's still necessary.

Two: investigate options for privatre jr. k and/or public preschool options. The latter may be preferable since she's not potty trained yet.

Good luck. It can be a difficult journey sometimes.

[Anonymous]

I believe OP is right about NYC public schools, btw. If she attempts to "redshirt" her daughter by showing up at the public school system a year late, they will put her daughter into first grade (exceptions have to go through the superintendant and are rare). I think if you stay in private school for a few years, and enroll in public school in say, second grade (even though you would be in third grade according to your age), the school is more likely to allow the exception.

[Anonymous]

"he is, at 3.5, obsessed with mirrors and herself. With baby pictures of herself. With reflextive surfaces: we pass stores on the walk to preschool and she turns and watches herself as I push her. "

This is a weird thing to be concerned about. It honestly sounds like you dislike your daughter and compare her to other seemingly "better" kids. Based on your aggressive reactions here, I'm going to recommend therapy for yourself in addition to whatever else you do.

[Anonymous]

Op is at an angry stage. I go through them. I come out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Redshirting is prohibited by law in Ny?

Not OP and not in NY but-in my experience also, once they are enrolled in services (like preschool) they go along with their age group-meaning her DD has to start k after preschool.

OP-wow your dd sounds so similar to mine! Also 3.5, not potty trained, language delay (no motor skills issues though). She is making progress in twice weekly speech therapy on an IEP (our discrict offered her a spot in preschool but I declined for now) but it still quite behind in language. I just dont know. I'm reading the thread to get ideas, myself.

My dh is also somewhat resistant to having her looked at. I'm not even sure where to find a developmental ped (probably at USF, I'm in Tampa Bay area). Dh himself was a language impaired child, as was his younger brother-his family seems to think it's normal Anyhow, I think the PP's idea to get on a waitlist with the ped, and just do it and now worry about dh, is good and I might take the advice as well

Also not OP or PP, but your child also sounds a lot like my son! We are in DC and started full-time PK3 through the public schools when my son was a couple weeks before his 3rd birthday and it was pretty much a disaster - he was also late to potty train which became a major issue with the school. We were pushed hard to get him evaluated for SN (we didn't realize there were many issues until school started. he was on the late side for many milestones but not over the threshold of concern; he was also far more withdrawn and refused to speak at school). The evaluation found he had a 1-year language delay and likely ASD. We got him in private OT + ST, and he was getting OT, ST, and ABA therapy at school. He responded incredibly to therapy and is now on grade level or above grade level across the board and was re-evaluated and ASD diagnosis removed (but watching for ADHD issues). He also got held back in PK3 at the school's recommendation and so now is one of the older students. Where previously he would not participate in any activities, he's very excited about classes now (some of this is just age). All I would say is that our SN coordinator at his school says children often respond extremely well to therapy at this age and it can do nothing but help. I would try to seek out whatever services you can including private if you can manage it (I was able to get partial insurance reimbursement). Good luck to you and hugs, this is a very tough thing to go through.

[Anonymous]

Wow. I just looked up New york state's policies - and honestly, it seems that you really can't delay entry in new york if your child is going to be 5 years old by December (their cutoff is the latest of the country, too!)

IS THIS REALLY TRUE???? Seems so stupid, especially for a child like OPs who could really, really, really use another year of preschool.

Of course, OP, your child may grow up lots in the next 2 years. Keep a close eye on it, and if she still seems just so young by the time she's 4 years old, then I'd push for a developmental pediatrician screening.

And to help your husband get on board, in the meantime, make sure he's doing lots of things at your DD's school, and that he does lots of driving to activities, sitting and watching her take ballet class with the other kids, or at the playground with a few friends, or being the chaperone for her preschool class, etc. That way he will start to understand how delayed she is, if she is. if he just sees her, he has no frame of reference. and if he only picks up once or twice a month, he isn't even paying attention - but if he picks up every day, or drops off every day, and does the driving and manages the playdates with other kids, he'll start to notice.

And, if he doesn't, OR if he continues to be really resistant, then I don't know but I think it's MORE IMPORTANT for your DD to have a champion than to take care of an adult man's feelings.