Enough about your pool!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think the people pointing out that your kid's are spoiled are dead on.

But I can also relate. My sister in law has a community pool and lives an hour away. We get pressured to take our non-swimming toddlers to that pool. Yes, it's a great pool. Yes we go once a summer. But it's FAR. And my kids are just as happy at the spray fountain a block from our house which is a lot less work for me.

What I don't like is that it's somehow my responsibility to make my SIL feel like she's "getting her money's worth" at her community pool. And if we don't agree to come all the time than somehow it's being "wasted".

All that said, I do think just telling your kids that your going to grandmas. Oh and by the way, pack your suits because there's a pool. If you don't want to swim, fine, but we'll be sitting by the pool for an hour, let's go, no opinions please.

Op again, this is our exact situation. My mom calls every single week. She’s also about an hour away. I get that it’s a novelty to her, and we DO visit and use the pool from time to time to make her happy, but considering we have a pool at the middle of our own community, driving an hour to swim every week doesn’t make sense. Also, this pool is freezing and the kids just don’t like it for more than 15 minutes. But yes, we too get the guilt trips and are made to feel like the move there was just for us to have pool access.

My kids are anything but spoiled, but the cold pool isn’t novel to them. They’d rather ride bikes on the bike trail, play tennis, wander the woods, etc, than swim in a cold pool.

So don't think of it as driving an hour to go swimming. Think of it as driving an hour to have a meal with your parents by the pool. I bet there are BBQ grills near the pool--bring hamburgers and hot dogs and have dinner or lunch.

Every week?

It doesn't have to be every week. Every other week? Every three weeks? Find something that is doable, and do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think the people pointing out that your kid's are spoiled are dead on.

But I can also relate. My sister in law has a community pool and lives an hour away. We get pressured to take our non-swimming toddlers to that pool. Yes, it's a great pool. Yes we go once a summer. But it's FAR. And my kids are just as happy at the spray fountain a block from our house which is a lot less work for me.

What I don't like is that it's somehow my responsibility to make my SIL feel like she's "getting her money's worth" at her community pool. And if we don't agree to come all the time than somehow it's being "wasted".

All that said, I do think just telling your kids that your going to grandmas. Oh and by the way, pack your suits because there's a pool. If you don't want to swim, fine, but we'll be sitting by the pool for an hour, let's go, no opinions please.

Op again, this is our exact situation. My mom calls every single week. She’s also about an hour away. I get that it’s a novelty to her, and we DO visit and use the pool from time to time to make her happy, but considering we have a pool at the middle of our own community, driving an hour to swim every week doesn’t make sense. Also, this pool is freezing and the kids just don’t like it for more than 15 minutes. But yes, we too get the guilt trips and are made to feel like the move there was just for us to have pool access.

My kids are anything but spoiled, but the cold pool isn’t novel to them. They’d rather ride bikes on the bike trail, play tennis, wander the woods, etc, than swim in a cold pool.

OP - you so so miss the point, and your kids are spoiled if you still think this is about a fun time for the kids. It isn't about the pool. Let me say this again. It isn't about the pool. It is about seeing grandma, which I think is less fun than it used to be for them. Do you notice that nothing on this list is anything that grandma can participate in or even watch? Just take the kids as often as you feel you should to go see their grandma. Don't get caught up with the language. Just be a mensch and let grandma have an hour visit. An hour. Be glad this is just about "hanging at a pool" for an hour, and not being trapped in a stuffy livingroom watching Ellen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think the people pointing out that your kid's are spoiled are dead on.

But I can also relate. My sister in law has a community pool and lives an hour away. We get pressured to take our non-swimming toddlers to that pool. Yes, it's a great pool. Yes we go once a summer. But it's FAR. And my kids are just as happy at the spray fountain a block from our house which is a lot less work for me.

What I don't like is that it's somehow my responsibility to make my SIL feel like she's "getting her money's worth" at her community pool. And if we don't agree to come all the time than somehow it's being "wasted".

All that said, I do think just telling your kids that your going to grandmas. Oh and by the way, pack your suits because there's a pool. If you don't want to swim, fine, but we'll be sitting by the pool for an hour, let's go, no opinions please.

Op again, this is our exact situation. My mom calls every single week. She’s also about an hour away. I get that it’s a novelty to her, and we DO visit and use the pool from time to time to make her happy, but considering we have a pool at the middle of our own community, driving an hour to swim every week doesn’t make sense. Also, this pool is freezing and the kids just don’t like it for more than 15 minutes. But yes, we too get the guilt trips and are made to feel like the move there was just for us to have pool access.

My kids are anything but spoiled, but the cold pool isn’t novel to them. They’d rather ride bikes on the bike trail, play tennis, wander the woods, etc, than swim in a cold pool.

OP - you so so miss the point, and your kids are spoiled if you still think this is about a fun time for the kids. It isn't about the pool. Let me say this again. It isn't about the pool. It is about seeing grandma, which I think is less fun than it used to be for them. Do you notice that nothing on this list is anything that grandma can participate in or even watch? Just take the kids as often as you feel you should to go see their grandma. Don't get caught up with the language. Just be a mensch and let grandma have an hour visit. An hour. Be glad this is just about "hanging at a pool" for an hour, and not being trapped in a stuffy livingroom watching Ellen.

If it ISN’T about the pool, why can’t grandma find something else to do with the kids if she knows they aren’t into the pool?

It’s about the wonderful pool and the fantasy she has in her head of the grandchildren spending splendid summers swimming there.

If it were truly about “time”, she could take them to a museum, or park, or activity of their choosing. If she’s old and can’t do that, surely she can sit and take them to get a meal, or watch a movie with them, or sit and play a game. But it’s not. It’s about the POOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yours are the first kids I’ve ever heard of who get pooled out. It’s my dream.

Same. My kids grew up in Florida with a pool in the backyard. They lived in our pool. We also had a huge community pool with a water park and they were there all the time as well. I don't think my kids would have ever become "pooled out".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think the people pointing out that your kid's are spoiled are dead on.

But I can also relate. My sister in law has a community pool and lives an hour away. We get pressured to take our non-swimming toddlers to that pool. Yes, it's a great pool. Yes we go once a summer. But it's FAR. And my kids are just as happy at the spray fountain a block from our house which is a lot less work for me.

What I don't like is that it's somehow my responsibility to make my SIL feel like she's "getting her money's worth" at her community pool. And if we don't agree to come all the time than somehow it's being "wasted".

All that said, I do think just telling your kids that your going to grandmas. Oh and by the way, pack your suits because there's a pool. If you don't want to swim, fine, but we'll be sitting by the pool for an hour, let's go, no opinions please.

Op again, this is our exact situation. My mom calls every single week. She’s also about an hour away. I get that it’s a novelty to her, and we DO visit and use the pool from time to time to make her happy, but considering we have a pool at the middle of our own community, driving an hour to swim every week doesn’t make sense. Also, this pool is freezing and the kids just don’t like it for more than 15 minutes. But yes, we too get the guilt trips and are made to feel like the move there was just for us to have pool access.

My kids are anything but spoiled, but the cold pool isn’t novel to them. They’d rather ride bikes on the bike trail, play tennis, wander the woods, etc, than swim in a cold pool.

OP - you so so miss the point, and your kids are spoiled if you still think this is about a fun time for the kids. It isn't about the pool. Let me say this again. It isn't about the pool. It is about seeing grandma, which I think is less fun than it used to be for them. Do you notice that nothing on this list is anything that grandma can participate in or even watch? Just take the kids as often as you feel you should to go see their grandma. Don't get caught up with the language. Just be a mensch and let grandma have an hour visit. An hour. Be glad this is just about "hanging at a pool" for an hour, and not being trapped in a stuffy livingroom watching Ellen.

If it ISN’T about the pool, why can’t grandma find something else to do with the kids if she knows they aren’t into the pool?

It’s about the wonderful pool and the fantasy she has in her head of the grandchildren spending splendid summers swimming there.

If it were truly about “time”, she could take them to a museum, or park, or activity of their choosing. If she’s old and can’t do that, surely she can sit and take them to get a meal, or watch a movie with them, or sit and play a game. But it’s not. It’s about the POOL.

NP but museum and other outings are exhausting even for me and I'm a parent in my thirties! Grandparents most likely want to skip the commute and host on their own turf, which is totally fair - and a pool is a lot easier for kids than in a cramped apartment/house with breakable objects, cramped space, no fresh air and no toys. It makes sense. Most kids love a pool, they can be loud and romp around, and there's no mess in the house. At the end of the day, the grandparents want to see the kids and are coming up with a kid friendly way to host. And yes, at most community pools, you can eat a meal (bbq etc) there, play cards or dice with Grandma poolside etc - so saying the water is too cold isn't really an excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think the people pointing out that your kid's are spoiled are dead on.

But I can also relate. My sister in law has a community pool and lives an hour away. We get pressured to take our non-swimming toddlers to that pool. Yes, it's a great pool. Yes we go once a summer. But it's FAR. And my kids are just as happy at the spray fountain a block from our house which is a lot less work for me.

What I don't like is that it's somehow my responsibility to make my SIL feel like she's "getting her money's worth" at her community pool. And if we don't agree to come all the time than somehow it's being "wasted".

All that said, I do think just telling your kids that your going to grandmas. Oh and by the way, pack your suits because there's a pool. If you don't want to swim, fine, but we'll be sitting by the pool for an hour, let's go, no opinions please.

Op again, this is our exact situation. My mom calls every single week. She’s also about an hour away. I get that it’s a novelty to her, and we DO visit and use the pool from time to time to make her happy, but considering we have a pool at the middle of our own community, driving an hour to swim every week doesn’t make sense. Also, this pool is freezing and the kids just don’t like it for more than 15 minutes. But yes, we too get the guilt trips and are made to feel like the move there was just for us to have pool access.

My kids are anything but spoiled, but the cold pool isn’t novel to them. They’d rather ride bikes on the bike trail, play tennis, wander the woods, etc, than swim in a cold pool.

OP - you so so miss the point, and your kids are spoiled if you still think this is about a fun time for the kids. It isn't about the pool. Let me say this again. It isn't about the pool. It is about seeing grandma, which I think is less fun than it used to be for them. Do you notice that nothing on this list is anything that grandma can participate in or even watch? Just take the kids as often as you feel you should to go see their grandma. Don't get caught up with the language. Just be a mensch and let grandma have an hour visit. An hour. Be glad this is just about "hanging at a pool" for an hour, and not being trapped in a stuffy livingroom watching Ellen.

If it ISN’T about the pool, why can’t grandma find something else to do with the kids if she knows they aren’t into the pool?

It’s about the wonderful pool and the fantasy she has in her head of the grandchildren spending splendid summers swimming there.

If it were truly about “time”, she could take them to a museum, or park, or activity of their choosing. If she’s old and can’t do that, surely she can sit and take them to get a meal, or watch a movie with them, or sit and play a game. But it’s not. It’s about the POOL.

NP but museum and other outings are exhausting even for me and I'm a parent in my thirties! Grandparents most likely want to skip the commute and host on their own turf, which is totally fair - and a pool is a lot easier for kids than in a cramped apartment/house with breakable objects, cramped space, no fresh air and no toys. It makes sense. Most kids love a pool, they can be loud and romp around, and there's no mess in the house. At the end of the day, the grandparents want to see the kids and are coming up with a kid friendly way to host. And yes, at most community pools, you can eat a meal (bbq etc) there, play cards or dice with Grandma poolside etc - so saying the water is too cold isn't really an excuse.

Then she shouldn’t get mad when they say they are up for Uno and hot dogs by the pool, but wouldn’t care to swim today, thanks.

So, to answer the original question: What should be said to get grandma to lay off about swimming?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like OP's parents were using the pool as a way to engage with their grandchildren, which seems pretty nice. It sure beats the grandparents who couldn't care less.

[Anonymous]

She's only asking every week because you say no every week, so it hasn't happened yet. Pick a date or two over the summer, put it on the calendar, and then she won't ask every week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't turn it down. You make your children go and have fun with their grandparents.

But the whole point is the kids don't think the pool is fun.

Tuff. It is a good lesson for them to learn that sometimes you do the kind thing even if you don't think it is 'fun."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like OP's parents were using the pool as a way to engage with their grandchildren, which seems pretty nice. It sure beats the grandparents who couldn't care less.

x1000 It is sad that OP cannot get over her antipathy and try to find a common ground so that the grandparents and grandchildren can stay connected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't turn it down. You make your children go and have fun with their grandparents.

But the whole point is the kids don't think the pool is fun.

Then they can be grounded to their beds for the weekend with no electronics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't turn it down. You make your children go and have fun with their grandparents.

But the whole point is the kids don't think the pool is fun.

Then they can be grounded to their beds for the weekend with no electronics.

Seriously? Because they don’t want to swim? I don’t understand why you would force your kids when there are plenty of other things they can do other than swimming in a cold pool? They can’t bake cookies? Look at a photo album? Play Monopoly? You know, stuff those of us without rich grandparents with pools did?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't turn it down. You make your children go and have fun with their grandparents.

But the whole point is the kids don't think the pool is fun.

Then they can be grounded to their beds for the weekend with no electronics.

Seriously? Because they don’t want to swim? I don’t understand why you would force your kids when there are plenty of other things they can do other than swimming in a cold pool? They can’t bake cookies? Look at a photo album? Play Monopoly? You know, stuff those of us without rich grandparents with pools did?

And can I add, growing up, my grandparents lived on a lake. It too was always cold and had seaweed and none of us kids swam in it. My mom didn’t push us in just because it was in the backyard and my grandparents told us we could swim in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think the people pointing out that your kid's are spoiled are dead on.

But I can also relate. My sister in law has a community pool and lives an hour away. We get pressured to take our non-swimming toddlers to that pool. Yes, it's a great pool. Yes we go once a summer. But it's FAR. And my kids are just as happy at the spray fountain a block from our house which is a lot less work for me.

What I don't like is that it's somehow my responsibility to make my SIL feel like she's "getting her money's worth" at her community pool. And if we don't agree to come all the time than somehow it's being "wasted".

All that said, I do think just telling your kids that your going to grandmas. Oh and by the way, pack your suits because there's a pool. If you don't want to swim, fine, but we'll be sitting by the pool for an hour, let's go, no opinions please.

Op again, this is our exact situation. My mom calls every single week. She’s also about an hour away. I get that it’s a novelty to her, and we DO visit and use the pool from time to time to make her happy, but considering we have a pool at the middle of our own community, driving an hour to swim every week doesn’t make sense. Also, this pool is freezing and the kids just don’t like it for more than 15 minutes. But yes, we too get the guilt trips and are made to feel like the move there was just for us to have pool access.

My kids are anything but spoiled, but the cold pool isn’t novel to them. They’d rather ride bikes on the bike trail, play tennis, wander the woods, etc, than swim in a cold pool.

OP - you so so miss the point, and your kids are spoiled if you still think this is about a fun time for the kids. It isn't about the pool. Let me say this again. It isn't about the pool. It is about seeing grandma, which I think is less fun than it used to be for them. Do you notice that nothing on this list is anything that grandma can participate in or even watch? Just take the kids as often as you feel you should to go see their grandma. Don't get caught up with the language. Just be a mensch and let grandma have an hour visit. An hour. Be glad this is just about "hanging at a pool" for an hour, and not being trapped in a stuffy livingroom watching Ellen.

If it ISN’T about the pool, why can’t grandma find something else to do with the kids if she knows they aren’t into the pool?

It’s about the wonderful pool and the fantasy she has in her head of the grandchildren spending splendid summers swimming there.

If it were truly about “time”, she could take them to a museum, or park, or activity of their choosing. If she’s old and can’t do that, surely she can sit and take them to get a meal, or watch a movie with them, or sit and play a game. But it’s not. It’s about the POOL.

NP but museum and other outings are exhausting even for me and I'm a parent in my thirties! Grandparents most likely want to skip the commute and host on their own turf, which is totally fair - and a pool is a lot easier for kids than in a cramped apartment/house with breakable objects, cramped space, no fresh air and no toys. It makes sense. Most kids love a pool, they can be loud and romp around, and there's no mess in the house. At the end of the day, the grandparents want to see the kids and are coming up with a kid friendly way to host. And yes, at most community pools, you can eat a meal (bbq etc) there, play cards or dice with Grandma poolside etc - so saying the water is too cold isn't really an excuse.

Then she shouldn’t get mad when they say they are up for Uno and hot dogs by the pool, but wouldn’t care to swim today, thanks.

So, to answer the original question: What should be said to get grandma to lay off about swimming?

I don't see anything in OP's posts that would indicate this would be a problem with Grandma.
To answer OP's question, don't say no. Say yes. Commit to 2-3 times during the summer, confirm the dates, and say YES we will go to the pool - "on July such and such, as we discussed earlier."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't turn it down. You make your children go and have fun with their grandparents.

But the whole point is the kids don't think the pool is fun.

Then they can be grounded to their beds for the weekend with no electronics.

Seriously? Because they don’t want to swim? I don’t understand why you would force your kids when there are plenty of other things they can do other than swimming in a cold pool? They can’t bake cookies? Look at a photo album? Play Monopoly? You know, stuff those of us without rich grandparents with pools did?

All of these are great suggestions!