Friendly with ex husband but he comes into my home during drop off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My husband left me for someone else. Not sure that it matters but it hurts having him in my home.

I would take him aside and say exactly this. He's being far too familiar and needs to be appraised of the new boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, he shouldn't. He really shouldn't. But this is a small thing. In the scheme of things, this is a small thing. Don't make it an issue. Things are comfortable-enough, don't make it an issue. Not under the circumstances that you have presently described.

Things are comfortable for the ex, not for OP. OP doesn't want him in her house and is uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Your house, your rules. First, ask your kids to text you and be outside. Start with, "Thanks, Joe, not need to get out, see you next week". Meet them outside for a few visits--he should get the hint. If not, let him know that you don't want him in your house.

[Anonymous]

Start asking him to fix things when he steps inside - the faucet, the squeeky door, the garbage disposal, maybe be a dear and get the ladder out and change that bulb for you.

He stop coming inside.

[Anonymous]

he'll

[Anonymous]

What's more important, friendly or not coming inside? Pick what you think is most important and either let it go or hold the boundary firmly accordingly. Even if you hold the boundary, chances are good that you'll get back to friendly even if he's defensive at first, but don't expect that right away.

[Anonymous]

gee ... divorce is uncomfortable too

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for all the feedback. I do want to stay on friendly terms. I will do what is right for the kids but set better boundaries. Another thing that bothers me is he refuses to direct deposit my alimony and child support into my bank account. He wants to hand over the checks in person. I can"t understand he constant need for face to face contact.

[Anonymous]

his

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the feedback. I do want to stay on friendly terms. I will do what is right for the kids but set better boundaries. Another thing that bothers me is he refuses to direct deposit my alimony and child support into my bank account. He wants to hand over the checks in person. I can"t understand he constant need for face to face contact.

Weird. Do you think he still has a thing for you, is that why he is making an effort to interact with you?
This is why I put direct deposit in my PSA. Others who get divorced should make a note.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the feedback. I do want to stay on friendly terms. I will do what is right for the kids but set better boundaries. Another thing that bothers me is he refuses to direct deposit my alimony and child support into my bank account. He wants to hand over the checks in person. I can"t understand he constant need for face to face contact.

Weird. Do you think he still has a thing for you, is that why he is making an effort to interact with you?
This is why I put direct deposit in my PSA. Others who get divorced should make a note.

Either he is messing with you, or feeling like you are friendly eases his guilty conscience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the feedback. I do want to stay on friendly terms. I will do what is right for the kids but set better boundaries. Another thing that bothers me is he refuses to direct deposit my alimony and child support into my bank account. He wants to hand over the checks in person. I can"t understand he constant need for face to face contact.

I wouldn't do direct deposit either. Check is easier to prove if you try to say you didn't receive the money.

[Anonymous]

Mine wanted us to go to dinner every Sunday at drop off. He was not trying to get back together with me. He was trying to hold onto the family aspect of things. I tried it for a bit, but was hard on me emotionally (he had cheated & other issues.) Now I no longer mind going 3-4 times a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the feedback. I do want to stay on friendly terms. I will do what is right for the kids but set better boundaries. Another thing that bothers me is he refuses to direct deposit my alimony and child support into my bank account. He wants to hand over the checks in person. I can"t understand he constant need for face to face contact.

I wouldn't do direct deposit either. Check is easier to prove if you try to say you didn't receive the money.

They are both just as easy to prove. Why can't he mail the checks? If you've told him you don't want him to do it face-to-face (I can't tell if you've just suggested direct deposit or just told him you have a strong preference) it sounds like a power move to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine wanted us to go to dinner every Sunday at drop off. He was not trying to get back together with me. He was trying to hold onto the family aspect of things. I tried it for a bit, but was hard on me emotionally (he had cheated & other issues.) Now I no longer mind going 3-4 times a year.

Another case of someone trying to have his amicable divorce and his cheating too.